Code Zulu Alpha: Nerd in the Apocalypse! - Chapter 1431 - 1431: Jumbo - Testosterone?
With my tendency to lob grenades at random instances, I thought most of my crew would get used to it, but yeah— let’s just say that almost everyone present jolted and took a step back while Jumbo dipped, dived, and dodged to hell.
The explosive sound came out after a few seconds, but I was paying more attention to how the sound escaped that man-sized hole.
“This shit IS deep,” I said as I began to crack a couple of emergency lights, eventually throwing them over the hole.
Lucy chuckled, “Would it hurt to throw those lights first?”
I chuckled as well before I got my radio and called in Unc:
–
*bzzt*
“Unc!”
*bzzt*
–
*bzzt*
[Busy. What?]
*bzzt*
–
*bzzt*
“You’ve checked the hole, Jumbo found yet?”
*bzzt*
–
*bzzt*
[I thought you were doing that?]
*bzzt*
–
*bzzt*
“No. I’m asking if you did it before—”
*bzzt*
–
*bzzt*
[As I said, busy! You listening or what?]
*bzzt*
–
*bzzt*
“Might be safer to check it out.”
*bzzt*
–
*bzzt*
[And I’ll thank you for that, kid. Thanks!]
*bzzt*
–
*bzzt*
“You’re not one bit worried about this, huh?”
*bzzt*
–
*bzzt*
[Now that you’re working on it, no.]
*bzzt*
–
*bzzt*
“You— fine. We’ll do what we can today. We’ll figure out more shit tomorrow.”
*bzzt*
–
*bzzt*
[Uh-huh. Thanks, kid. For real.]
*bzzt*
–
At that point, I ended the conversation with my Unc before I began scouting this hole without actually going through it. There could be a bunch of deadheads stuck inside it, automatically cycling the dirt they’ve eaten through their fucked up digestive systems. So, throwing that grenade in earlier was one of my small precautions.
But yeah, the emergency lights I threw in still didn’t do much as I would’ve hoped—due to this hole’s depth, but it was enough of a light source to the night-vision mode of the drone’s camera.
‘Glad I brought one just in case…’
I flew it deep in the hole as carefully as I could, making a map inside my head at the same time–but it didn’t take long before I found a few deadheads who survived the blast.
Even with their ragged rags of clothing, the way their faces—especially the mouth area—where they forced to eat dirt and soil, looked worse than kissing a meat grinder by accident.
It was already a miracle that their jaws were somewhat intact, but the state of their rotten teeth was the same as their bony fingers; some were missing in action. Still, I wouldn’t risk a scratch or a bite from this fuckers, so I just tried to fly my drone to places it could still squeeze through before calling it a day.
‘Filling it with gas and lighting it up would work in the best case scenario… it might collapse the hole for good too… Just didn’t think there’s a small cave system of sorts here…’
Jared then approached me, “Bro, couldn’t we just leave them there? I thought they make for great fertilizers?”
“There’s still the risk—”
“I know, I know. Just letting you know that we can just let things be sometimes…”
“I’m not so sure about doing that in this case…”
“Cool. We follow what you do, bro.”
“Thanks.”
It didn’t take long before we made our way back to Unc’s ranch, but the first thing I did was inquire about the well with a supposed infinite supply.
Jumbo answered, “Umm… about that, we still get water from it though we make sure to boil the hell out of it—even from the ones from the rain collectors, just to be on the safe side. We wouldn’t want a repeat of the incident before.”
“One of those things happened, huh?”
“Oh, not here per se, but it happened in the main town. You know, almost everyone has a dug-up well in their homes. It just sucks that it’s a toss-up if it’s contaminated or not. Would love a sure-fire way to know, you know? Besides boiling it, of course— I mean, like, by looking at it at a glance.”
I chuckled, “I get what you meant the first time.”
“Ah, sorry about that…”
“You’re good.”
“…”
“…”
“So…”
“Oh. Wanna shoot shit now? We still have an hour or so of daylight?”
“Yeah!” then he leaned in, “Don’t tell mom and dad, but Unc— your Unc—”
“You can call Unc Unc too, no worries.”
“Great! Unc already handed me a .38 just in case. I always tuck it in my pants, but I took the first bullet on the wheel just so I won’t blow my ween off.”
“Pfft! For real? That’s a double-edged tactic there, but I can swap it with something with a safety so you won’t blast your dick off?”
“You’ll give me another?!”
I shook my head, “Easy there, kid, the deal is just to teach you to shoot one. And I did specifically say to swap—”
He pointed at my Maxim 9, “How about that one?”
“No chance in hell I’d give you this one. Either a 1911 or a Glock 17—”
“I’ll take the 17!”
“Deal.”
“Deal!”
After we shook hands, I honored our deal and taught him the basics of gun handling and safety. But boy, I’d rather have him use it as a short club than a long-ranged weapon. I assumed that people who lived in a farmland, much more in the rural area, who’ve tilled the soil and such would have a strong grip, or what they call ye ol’ farmer’s strength, but this boy couldn’t grip the Glock properly if his life fucking depended on it.
“Hmm…”
“A-Any more tips?”
“Tips? Besides gripping it normally? You do know gripping it tightly is different from holding it, right?”
“I am holding it tight— Ow!”
All of a sudden, I snatched the gun from his hand like it was nothing and I held it the way I would: with just one hand—but as fucking tight as I can, “Now try snatching it from me.”
“Huh?”
“You can use both hands, too!”
After an excruciating five minutes— to Jumbo, of course, the dude looked like he ran a marathon and I couldn’t believe he had the gall to say that his muscles were shot.
I squatted down and looked at his tired face, “Tell me, were you sick before?”
“No?”
“You had no trouble walking but this… stealing the gun—”
“But you’re hella freakin’ strong! How can I—”
“I guess light cardio is different from— You jerk off at least, right?”
“The fuck is with that question?”
I waved him off, “My right is usually stronger than my left since I usually flog the log with it, but you—”
“Fine! I-I do it once a m-month or so… It’s not like I can do it there! We sleep in the same room!”
I can’t believe my fucking ears, “You don’t even do it outside when you sneak about? How about the restroom?”
“What is all with these questions?!”
I shook my head, “Dude. You’re weak as heck. Those zombies are evolving slowly but surely, but you’re here stuck in a fucking ditch unable to pull yourself out of it. Guns are the greatest equalizers we have at the moment and you can’t even utilize it properly. I think I’ll give you something much better.”
“W-What?”
“Let’s start with how your day starts. Do you even have morning wood?”
“Huh? What’s that?”
“Oh, my FUCKING god!”
“What?! I can’t know what I haven’t experienced!”
“Fuck, it might be worse than living an almost sedentary lifestyle—”
“B-But mom and dad rarely let me out when I was a kid—”
“Hold on, they might be trying to help you— There must be a reason for that, they won’t just let you cooped up at home every fucking time. I guess I should talk to them, too. Maybe with Quinn or Lucy as well…”
“T-Those… You mean those two big—”
“Yeah, those two with big bazookas— The other one has another bazooka, but— nevermind that, but, yeah. We’ll see what we can do first, naturally, before we opt for some enhancements. I mean, naturally is the way to go, but you might be naturally lacking in that department too— You might need a quick jolt to get you going first before we start weaning on it.”
Jumbo waved me off, “Pause, pause— what are you even talking about?”
“Your Test’ levels.”
“My test—”
“Testosterone. We guys usually have a lot of those, yours might be way~ down for some reason, and we need to get to the bottom of this.”
“How?”
“We’ll start by talking with your parents first. Get a short history—even from you as well. Anything you can remember and to be 100% of it, I’m gonna need a sample of your blood. We might discover some shit besides you lacking Test’ too.”
“O-Okay? All this just to shoot a gun properly?”
“Not just that, there could be plenty of things you haven’t experienced because you lack a key aspect of life— though the fix isn’t immediate, you’ll thank me soon enough. By the way, how big are your balls?”
“STOP ASKING THESE WEIRD QUESTIONS!!!”
