Dear Rosie - Page 209

There’s no way I can stay now.

I don’t know how he could come back here and crawl into bed with me after reading this.

I don’t know what he had to tell himself to make it okay to sleep next to a killer.

But whatever it is, I won’t let him live with it.

I take another step.

I want to touch him.

Just once more.

One last time.

But I can’t risk waking him.

If he wakes up, he might try to tell me it’s okay.

But it’s not.

It will never be okay.

Or he might tell me to go.

He might not forgive what I’ve done. What I’ve kept from him. And him spooning me in bed… It could’ve been his goodbye.

Heat builds in my eyes.

Not yet.

Turning away from the man I love, I move through the bathroom into the closet and quietly fill one of my duffel bags with clothes, stuffing the letter into the side pocket.

I can’t break down yet.

With my bag over my shoulder, I pause for a moment, just one, to watch Nathan’s back rise and fall with breath.

Telling myself this is for the best—that he deserves better than what I can offer—I turn to leave.

I take one step, then something tugs on my pants.

Looking down, I find Charles. His teeth are in the hem of my sleep pants, like he’s trying to make me stay.

The last bit of control inside me snaps, and my tears start to fall.

I bend down and lift him into my arms, hugging him tightly.

His body vibrates with a purr, and I press my face into his side.

“I’m going to miss you most of all,” I whisper.

Charles nuzzles his face against my shoulder.

I pull back and press a kiss to his forehead. “Keep an eye on him, okay?”

I kiss him once more, then set him on the foot of the bed.

When I reach the bedroom door, I lock the handle before pulling it closed behind me.