Deep in Desire - Page 32

Finally, as they finished their meal, Deborah took a deep breath. “Holly, we need to talk.”

Holly looked up, her smile fading. “What is it? I noticed you’re kinda miserable tonight. I was so hoping you’d be in the mood for some serious action. I’ve got all this energy I need to burn off… and there’s no better way to do that than with you! I swear to God, Debs… all I could think of when I was at the gym earlier was you. I’m obsessed. Do you remember a couple of nights ago in the shower when you put your?—”

Deborah’s hands trembled as she reached across the table, taking Holly’s in hers. “Please just stop and listen to me. I love you, Holly. More than I’ve ever loved anyone. Really. And I just need to say this. And it’s the worst thing ever. But… I don’t think we can be together anymore.”

Holly coughed nervously as confusion andhurt flashed across her face. “What the fuck are you talking about? Why? Are you having a breakdown?”

Deborah’s voice came out as a whisper. “Jenny threatened to ruin my career if I don’t end this. And… I’m scared. I’m scared of what she could do, and I’m scared of what this could do to you. I’ve been here before and dealing with her is pure hell. My world is crumbling down around me. You’ll be fine, Holly, nobody is going to ruin your life’s work. You will find a million other women who make you happy. You are perfect.”

Holly yanked her hands away. “Stop shitting me. This isn’t happening. She’s old news. You’re divorced. What’s her problem?”

The room felt too big, too empty. The silence was deafening, pressing in on Deborah from all sides. Holly didn’t want to hear her words, understandably. She hugged her arms around her middle, trying to hold herself together as she rocked slightly back and forth. The pressure in her head was mounting, a dull ache spreading from her temples down to her neck, making everything feel heavy and sluggish. “I don’t know what else to do. I’m so sorry, Holly. I don’t want to lose you, but I can’t risk everything.”

Holly stood up, her chair scraping loudly against the floor. “So you’re just giving up? Just like that? Who the hell is this woman? Why are you allowing her to have such an impact on you? Stop closing off and talk to me, please.”

Deborah stood, too, reaching for Holly. “Please, try to understand. It’s so much more complicated than you think. I’m doing this to protect you. To protect us both. And to protect my brother and his kids.”

Holly stepped back, her eyes filled with confusion. “You’re not protecting me. You’re breaking my heart. And what the fuck this has to do with your brother, who you’ve never once mentioned, is absolutely beyond me. You’ve lost the plot, Debs. You’re out of your mind. You need to get a fucking hold on yourself.”

Deborah’s sobs racked her body. The flood of emotions blurred her vision, and Deborah’s eyes settled on something insignificant in the room: a small, cracked ceramic vase on the windowsill. The vase had always been there, a forgotten relic from a long-past trip to Italy. She fixated on the delicate, spiderweb-like fracture that ran along its surface, noting how it had remained intact despiteits imperfections. “I’m so sorry. I love you so much.”

Holly turned away, her voice choked with emotion. “If you loved me, you’d fight for us. But you’re letting her win. And I can’t be with someone who won’t fight for me. I can’t be with someone who refuses to explain herself. Someone who spouts total nonsense about some brother… some random kids… I mean, what the hell?”

Deborah watched, helpless and heartbroken, as Holly walked to the door. “Holly, please.”

Holly paused her hand on the doorknob. “Goodbye, Deborah. Please don’t contact me again. I don’t want to hear your ridiculous justifications. I don’t want to ever hear from you again.”

The door closed behind her, and Deborah fell to the floor, her sobs echoing through the empty apartment. The love of her life was gone, and all that remained was the devastating silence. Her mind was a whirlwind of regret and sorrow. She replayed the conversation over and over in her head, each moment a knife to her heart. She knew she had to do this, but she didn’t know which pain would hurt more.

What have I done? Why didn’t I explain things better?

She picked up her phone, wanting to call her back to explain more to her, but she couldn’t get the words out if she tried.

Jenny’s threats loomed over her, a dark cloud that tainted everything. She had decided to protect her career, to protect Holly, but it felt like the biggest mistake of her life.

Please, let this be a nightmare. Let me wake up tomorrow and find her beside me.

12

HOLLY

As Holly walked up to the apartment building where her mother and Nora lived, she felt an overwhelming sadness in every cell of her body. She’s been through break-ups before, but nothing like this. She hadn’t slept or eaten for days. Every time she went to drink so much as a glass of water, she felt sick. The past few days had been nothing but a blur of tears and confusion. Walking out of Deborah’s apartment had shattered her world, leaving her feeling totally untethered to reality. She could barely remember how it had all spiraled out of control, but she knew she needed the comfort of her mother now more than ever.

She took a deep breath and pressed theintercom button. “Mom, it’s me,” she said in a breathless whimper. “Can I come in? I need to see you.”

A moment later, the door buzzed, and she pushed it open. The walk up the stairs seemed to take forever, her mind racing with thoughts of Deborah and the life they had begun to build together. She knocked softly on the apartment door, and it opened almost immediately.

Esme stood there, her eyes filled with concern. “Holly, sweetheart, come in,” she said, pulling her daughter into a tight embrace. “I’ve been so worried about you. Where the hell have you been? I’ve been calling you and calling you, and you never pick up. I’ve been going out of my mind. And so has Nora. I swear she can’t cope with us two. We’re too emotional. She’s not used to all the outbursts, poor thing.”

Holly clung to her mother. “Mom, I don’t know what to do. Everything feels so wrong.”

“We’ll start with tea. And then we’ll talk it over. Debs told me everything. I think you’re both putting a lot of pressure on yourselves. And I blame myself for that. I shouldn’t have been so harsh with you. But I’m here to help you get you through it, alright?”

Her mother led her into the living room, where Nora was sitting on the couch, looking equally concerned. “Hey, kiddo,” Nora said gently. “Come sit down. Let’s talk. Breakups, huh? Your mom says she’s been trying to get hold of you, so we assumed you’d gone into meltdown mode, right? Tell me about it. I’ve been having a tough time at work. We were supposed to be foreclosing this block in Manhattan. I’ve been up there twice already this month, and I?—”

“Not now, honey,” interrupted Esme, frowning at her wife.

Holly sat between them, feeling like a little girl again. “Yeah, I’ve got work issues as well as love-life drama. I haven’t been in all week, so I’ve probably fucked that up as well. I can’t stay here anymore,” she blurted out. “I want to go back to Australia.”