Graceless - Page 54

“Because of my raging god complex,” Savannah said sharply. “And because I’m the big sister and you need someone to look after you for a change.”

Cassidy raised her chin, offended, but a strange warmth flared in her chest.

“I’m not a child,” she refuted anyway.

“No.” Savannah looked at her. “You’re not. But everyone needs someone to take care of them. Whether you like it or not, that’s going to be me. You’re my baby sister, Cassidy,” she said, in a softer tone, “and I know I’ve let you down. I don’t understand exactly all the pain and damage I’ve caused you, and I hope one day I will. But I don’t need to understand it to know you still need me now. So, no, you don’t get an apartment. You get me.”

“I could just leave anyway,” she muttered, half in and half out the door, completely lost as to how to proceed. Savannah watched her.

“You could,” she agreed. “You could go back home to an abusive situation, or you could take your chances out there in the world on your own. Or you could woman the fuck up and deal with a difficult situation right here instead of running away like a scared little squirrel.”

Cassidy glared at her. Then a surprised laugh spluttered out of her.

“Squirrel?” she asked, incredulously.

Savannah’s steely glare cracked too.

“Someone used to call me that once,” she admitted with a half smile. “Then Brynn accused me of it, too. Of being a secret wild animal, just trapped inside this human skin.” Cassidy looked at her perfectly put together, intensely feminine, well-dressed sister and a slightly unhinged giggle escaped her. Savannah smirked, too. “I think it’s something we perhaps might share,” she said drily.

Cassidy shook her head, but her sister just smiled, like she knew better.

“Go unpack your bag,” she said. “And if you don’t join us for dinner and actually eat something, I swear to god I will cook you one of mom’s casseroles myself.”

Cassidy blanched.

“Please don’t.”

“I wouldn’t threaten something that dire if I didn’t mean it.” They looked at each other for a beat. It felt weird to Cassidy that they shared such intimate knowledge that no one else in the world possessed, and yet they barely knew one another at the same time. “Do we have a deal?” her sister pressed.

“Yes, I’ll eat dinner?” she asked.

“You know that’s not what I’m asking.”

Cassidy stared down at the ground, at the duffle bag at her feet. She thought of everything Savannah was asking of her and knew it was too much. The idea of facing even just Lane alone felt too horrible to contemplate. Then she thought of what she was being offered. Eventually, she raised her chin and looked at the woman who’d been her biggest idol and her worst enemy. Could she literally just see her as her sister? She wasn’t sure.

“I’ll try,” she said softly.

Cassidy went to dinner early. She couldn’t fathom the idea of walking in while everyone looked up at her together and saw Cassidy the Monster, the one who’d screamed at her pregnant sister. She couldn’t even begin to imagine trying to make the choice whether to sit next to Lane or opposite them.

Also, she was starving.

Brynn arrived first, Tucker clinging to her back and giggling.

“Hey,” she said, depositing the child in his seat, before tucking back her long dark hair. Her tone was even and her face calm.

“Hey,” Cassidy replied. Then she was stuck. Did you apologize to someone for upsetting their spouse? Was that a thing that was expected, or would that be weird? Was she sorry? To Brynn? Oh god, did Brynn think she’d put the baby at risk? Was that a thing?

“Hey!” Tucker was simpler.

“Hey!” With a struggle she managed a smile. “What did you do with your day?”

Tucker led with some kind of long meandering story that involved swimming, dinosaurs and monkeys in the horse paddock. Cassidy tried her hardest to follow, not so much out of genuine interest or even politeness, but because it was so much easier than trying to understand how to talk to Brynn.

A knot formed in her belly. The guest house door was opening, and Lane appeared. It felt like it took an hour and yet all too quickly they reached the back patio and stepped up towards them. Cassidy didn’t know what to do with her hands or her face. There was the smallest hint of surprise in their eyes to see her there. Had Lane expected her to run away? Had they wanted her to? The thought hurt more than she’d expected.

“Hey,” she said, her voice barely more than a breath.

“Hey,” they said back, their voice low. It was all they said, but it still seemed like a relief. Lane was still talking to her. They took the seat opposite. Cassidy spent a good minute over-analysing that situation. Were they trying to be as far away from her as possible? Did they want to look at her? They were wearing a baby blue cotton t-shirt that looked immensely soft. Cassidy wanted to press her face into their chest more than she’d wanted anything in her whole life.