Hunt Me! (I Crave The Chase) - Page 164

But I was still terrified. Terrified we’d cross a line—and I just.

“I want to be a happy memory,” my voice broke. “When I’m gone. I just…I want you to think of me and smile.”

“I will,” Jeffrey’s voice was just as rough as mine. “Of course I will. And you’re not going anywhere. Not if I can help it.”

“I’ve taken so much from you, already,” my heart hurt. My eyes burned. Jeffrey’s fuzzy hair tickled my nose as I buried my face in his nape and inhaled greedily. “It’s selfish.”

“No, it’s not.” Jeffrey reached back, hand floppy and lax still, fingers curling around the back of my head to hold me still. “If I hadn’t wanted it, sure. But I did. I have. I do. I’ve wanted you from the moment I saw you too.”

That wasn’t true.

It wasn’t.

Because the first time he’d seen me hadn’t been at the club in Ridgefield. Hadn’t been when I tasted him for the first time and realized I could never go back. Hadn’t been when I’d saved him from the man that smelled like a public restroom.

No.

It had been way earlier.

I didn’t call him out though, because that meant betraying my secret—and I just…I felt like this was more important. One step at a time.

“It will hurt more,” I murmured, annoyed when my body began to shake. My eyes burned hotter, wetter. A few tears slipped free and I was too terrified to bring attention to them to swipe them away. Hopefully he won’t notice. “When I’m gone. If we cross that step.”

“You keep saying ‘when, when, when.’” Jeffrey huffed, annoyance creeping into his tone. But…I could smell his fear. I could hear the skip of his heart beat. And I knew he was scared. As scared as I was. “I’ll fix it,” Jeffrey promised again, even though it wasn’t in his power to do so.

“I know,” I murmured, because I knew he believed that. And I believed in him. I just…knew more about this than he did. And I hadn’t been entirely honest—and I’d dug this awful, horrible hole for myself to lie in. “I trust you.”

“You know…” Jeffrey sucked in a breath. “We don’t have to fuck if you don’t want to.”

“I want to,” I blurted immediately, because apparently I hadn’t been enthusiastic enough the first time. Jeffrey laughed.

“And I want to,” he said softly. “So if you trust me…can’t you trust me to be able to consent? Can’t you trust that I know what I want? That at the end of the day—if the worst possible shit happens, I’ll be happier having had you in every way I could.”

“But—”

“Believe me…I know hurt. I’ve been hurt. And this isn’t that.”

“Oh.” I melted, sniffing a little, then annoyed that I’d betrayed myself. Jeffrey petted his hand through my hair, rubbing behind my ears and making me sigh. “So you…”

“Yeah, man. I wanna go through all the bases with you.”

“Okay.” My cock jerked, like it had been eavesdropping on the whole conversation. Jeffrey snorted out a laugh, arching his back and rubbing against me with a sleepy hum. I had less than two weeks left with him. And he didn’t know that—but I did.

I just…I’d accused myself of being selfish, and I still felt that way.

Because I was hiding the truth from everyone.

Maybe it was the alpha in me, desperate to protect the people I cared about till the day I couldn’t anymore. Or maybe I was simply a coward. Too terrified to lose what I had earlier than I had to.

Selfish, cowardly, weak.

I wasn’t like Jeffrey at all.

But I was going to make the best of the time we had together anyway.

Because I loved him.

I loved him so fucking much I could hardly breathe when he was around. Loved him more than I knew I was capable of loving. And that love only grew when Jeffrey spoke again and asked me a question that lit me up from the inside out.