Hunt Me! (I Crave The Chase) - Page 174
“I’m not going to hurt you,” Jeffrey was shaking, and I hated that it was my fault. “Why are you asking me that? I…I can’t. I won’t—I—I’m not a monster.”
This hadn’t been what he wanted.
I knew that.
But I hadn’t been able to stop myself.
“I’m not asking you because I think you’re a monster.” My heart hurt for him. “I’m asking you because I love you.” He sucked in a breath. “Because I am sick,” I kissed his palm again, my body shaking. “Because I need you to put me out of my misery. Before I do something I can never come back from.”
And then something spectacular and horrible happened.
Because for the first time since I’d met him Jeffrey’s eyes flooded with tears. His lashes became spiky, salt dripping down his cheeks as he stared at me like I was killing him. I’d never seen him cry like this. I’d seen him shake and twitch, sure, seen him hold himself together.
But I’d never truly seen him crumble apart.
Jeffrey cried then.
He cried and cried and cried.
These great, gasping sobs. Like he’d cracked right down the middle. “No, no, no.” He shook his head, trembling all over. “No. You can’t—you can’t ask me that.”
“I’m sorry,” I said, because I’d known it was selfish even before the words had escaped. “I’m sorry, sweet one.” I pulled him down and into my arms, and he folded immediately, limp as a rag doll.
“No no no no.”
“Shhhh, I’m sorry.” I cradled him close, kissing his cheeks, and the salt, then his temples and his ears. “Shh, I know. I know. I’m sorry.”
“I can’t—I can’t?—”
“I know,” I rocked him, heart aching. I knew I shouldn’t have asked but I just…fuck.
It was wrong. It was so wrong. But I thought…if Jeffrey was the one to put me down, maybe it wouldn’t hurt.
“I would never hurt you.” Jeffrey sobbed, clinging to me tight. Higher than he ever had before. His grip was bruising, fingers biting into my body. “I’ll fix it. I’ll fix it. I swear I will. I promised I would. I just need a little more time—I’ll fix it.”
He couldn’t.
He couldn’t, but I didn’t tell him that.
Because my worst fear had just come true.
I’d hurt him. I’d hurt him and I couldn’t go back. I couldn’t fix it. I couldn’t take it back.
“I’m sorry,” I murmured, nuzzling his ear, my own tears spilling into his sweat-damp hair. “I’m sorry.”
“I—I—” Jeffrey hiccuped. “Don’t make me. Don’t make me.”
“I know.” He was a child in my arms, quaky and scared. Looking to his alpha for guidance. I hated this. Not because I didn’t want him to rely on me. But only because I knew this would be the last time he’d get to.
I could feel my wolf even now. Unanchored. Drifting. Tearing at the surface of my skin. The fear that coursed through my veins only made it worse. Soon I’d be unsafe. Soon I’d maim and murder—kill those I cared for the most.
I could kill Jeffrey.
And I’d never even know I did.
I sucked in a breath. “I’m sorry,” I murmured again, fluttering kisses on his face, on his nose, down his throat. “I’m sorry.” Jeffrey shuddered in my grip.
He cried for a long time.