Malo - Page 18

I look up at him, hopeful beyond belief right now. I know they haven’t agreed to help me with this, exactly, but I need someone on my side at this moment, or I am going to lose it.

“Beast will never agree to it,” he warns me. “We’re stretched thin enough as it is. When we take down the cartel here, we can start looking at what’s going on in Mexico, but I don’t know how long that’s going to be.”

I gaze at him, unable to hide the emotion in my eyes right now. I don’t know how much longer I can keep doing this, how much longer I can keep pushing forward, when everything feels this against me, when the one person in my life I care about is being held God knows where, forced to use his hard-earned skills for whatever evil they have him working on. I know he’s not stupid, and he’s probably aware of what they’re going to use his new discoveries for, and I’m sure it’s tearing him apart inside. He wants to make the world a better place, and if he has to create something that’s going to make it worse, it’s going to destroy him.

Something shifts in Malo’s expression as he gazes back at me. He curses under his breath, in Spanish. He sounds like a native to me, and I wonder if he has his own family back in Mexico. Or, maybe, if he used to, and that’s how he ended up here.

I reach over to take his hand. I don’t know why. I feel like my heart is going to beat right out of my chest, as I sit here opposite him. Can he feel it, too? This tension hanging in the air between us? Like there’s an opportunity here for him to do the right thing.

“I’ll help you,” he tells me, and I close my eyes, breathing a long sigh of relief. I know it’s a whole hell of a lot away from actually making a difference yet, but it’s something—it’s the support I need to actually start to believe I can get through this.

“I don’t care what it takes, I’ll get your father out of there,” he continues, and I tighten my grip on his hand, making sure he can tell just how grateful I am for that.

“Thank you,” I breathe, though those words don’t feel even close to big enough for what’s going on inside me right now.

He shakes his head, clenches his jaw, and glances away from me. “Don’t make me regret it,” he mutters back, but there’s something in his eyes that tells me he doesn’t regret this. Not yet, at least.

In fact, there’s a whole lot going on in his eyes right now, a whole lot more than I ever expected when we first met. I can still remember slipping out, around the back of the bar, to intercept him, seeing him racking up that line on the dumpster. Not the sort of person I would have thought would ever be willing to help me with the nightmare my family is dealing with right now, but I can tell there’s more to him than I imagined.

I draw my hand back quickly, suddenly aware of how close we are sitting on the bed together. My cheek still smarts from the hit Rayo gave me, but the tears are beginning to dry up a little now.

I can see a way to my father, with Malo offering to help me like this. I can see a way to get him out. Alone, I knew I didn’t stand a chance, but with the help of the Kings by my side, Malo, I know it’s going to be different. It has to be.

At least, that’s what I have to keep telling myself, if I’m going to keep myself from going crazy.

CHAPTER 15

MALO

Ithrow off my jacket, slump down on to the bed, and let out a growl of irritation at myself.

I can’t believe I’ve just agreed to do that for her. To get Maria’s father out of the mess he’s in right now. It’s a stupid idea, I’m sure of it, and I knew it from the moment I agreed to it, but there was something about the way she looked at me, with such hope in her eyes, that made it impossible for me to deny her, even though all of my good sense was telling me not to agree to it.

But, with that red mark on her cheek, with that look in her eyes, I know I would have given in at one point or another. I know what it’s like to have to live without your parents, and I wouldn’t wish that on anyone, whatever their age. Let alone the horror that her father is being put through, out there somewhere in Monterrey, being forced to work against his will on a drug that will no doubt soon be flooding the streets and creating even more addicts than there already are.

I’d just promised Maria I’d help her, when she was already asking me what she could do to help me with my newfound mission to get her father out of the cartel’s grasp. She filled me in on everything she knew about where he was being held captive, everything she could remember from the brief video she’d seen, but I doubt it’s enough to go on yet or if he’s even still there. It’s going to be like searching for a needle in a haystack, finding out where they’re holding him, and I doubt Beast is going to give me the go-ahead to use our resources to smoke him out.

We’ve already got enough to take care of in the city as it is, and it’s going to be even more intense now that Las Rosas Negras think we’re working with new allies to take them down. They’ll likely have the compound staked out, under their watchful eye twenty-four-seven to make sure we don’t get the jump on them, and I really don’t want to use any of our men to go down to Mexico right now, not when it could leave this place exposed.

Shit! I can’t believe I’ve agreed to this. But I’m not the kind of man who goes back on his promises, let alone to a woman. I know she’s relying on me, and I’m pissed that I didn’t just tell her no. There’s no damn way we can do this, we’re too busy, and the stakes are too high to waste resources on getting her father out of there when it doesn’t seem like he’s in any immediate physical danger. They need to keep him alive, at least for now, so we should be focused on other things.

But this is about more than just her father, at least for me. God only knows how much I’ve let that cartel harm people around me. When I think about Harley, everything she went through, I still feel that sickening twist of guilt deep down in my gut. If I had just been able to get her out of there sooner, she would never have…

I push those thoughts down. I can’t let myself get lost in the guilt. It’s no good to me, a useless emotion. She’s out now, and that’s what matters, on her way to healing after all the harm that’s been done to her. And, if I play my cards right, maybe I can get Maria’s father out too.

I rise to my feet and head over to the bathroom, splashing some water on my face to clear my head before I go and talk to Beast. In the trashcan, there is the small baggie I swiped from the crackhouse the other day. For a moment, I feel a pang of want, wishing there was something in there that I could use, but I push it down at once. I’m better with my head clear, not lost to a high I can’t control, and I know if I’m going to convince Beast I can take this on, I’m going to need to be stone-cold sober.

Sometimes, I miss the old days of just letting my addiction take hold of me, letting my need for an escape to run my life. There’s something almost… comforting about it, about how it controls you. There are no other priorities in your entire life when you want to feel that release. All you can think about is what it’s going to take to get the next hit, and then the next, the next, and the next. You don’t consider the consequences, your responsibilities.

But Beast pulled me out of that, and I know he would never forgive me if I went ahead and let myself get sucked back into it again, not after I’ve worked so hard to get loose from it’s grip. The other night was nothing more than a slip-up, and I’m not going to let it take control of me again.

I straighten my shoulders and make my way to Beast’s office, where he’s sitting with his feet on the desk, frowning as he reads a message on his phone. I knock on the door, and he looks up.

“Malo.” He gestures for me to come in. I step inside, already figuring out how best to phrase this request. I doubt he’s going to take it well. He’s already got enough on his mind without me asking for permission to shoot off down to Mexico for a needlessly dangerous mission, all to free a man we barely even know. He might like Maria and appreciate her help, but this is a whole other level.

I push the door shut behind me, not wanting anyone else to overhear this. I don’t want anyone else to have any comments on how stupid this is, not knowing how pissed Beast is going to be as it stands.

“What’s up?” Beast asks, planting his feet on the ground and eyeing me. I sink into the chair opposite him, mind racing, trying to figure out some way to convince him this is important.