Never Let Go - Page 10

I raised my brows. “Hmph,” I grunted. “Well… when you put it like that… it is a privilege. And you got to experience that every year.”

He ran his tongue over his bottom lip and shook his head. “Nah. I get to experience that every day.”

I laughed. “The Cosmo Show only happens once a…”

I stopped laughing, once I realized he wasn’t talking about The Cosmo Show.

He didn’t say anything… just continued to stare into me with those piercing brown eyes. I didn’t know what was happening. Didn’t know why it was happening. Didn’t know what we were experiencing. But what I did know was that I didn’t want it to end. Jahad had gone from the scary boy that ‘pulled me’ to the man I never wanted to part ways with. He felt so good. That scared me… not him. How much I enjoyed this. How good he felt. How exhilarating. The rush.

“What is this?” I whispered.

“I don’t know,” he replied before brushing my chin with the pad of his thumb, leaving tingles with every stroke. “I like it though. You like it too.”

“So much it’s scary.”

“You have nothing to be afraid of,” he reassured me.

“Okay,” I responded with a bashful smile, believing him before he finally closed that very small gap between us.

Fireworks erupted inside of me. I had never been kissed before. I was eighteen and the first pair of lips to touch mine were his. How insane was that? Around us, the world carried on. The Cosmo Show started, but for us, it had started already. We were okay with missing out on the stars shooting across the sky. We’d seen enough of that. We had our own Cosmo Show going on between us.

P R E S E N T

T I M E

“Good morning, Sienna.”

I was jolted awake by the sound of my name being called.

Lifting my head from Jahad’s chest, I peeled my eyes opened and looked over at the doctor, standing at the foot of his bed in her black coat.

“Have you thought about our talk?”

Slowly, I looked away from her and laid back down.

No, I hadn’t given what we discussed any thought. I hadn’t been able to think about anything but him and not in the way they wanted me to think about him. I just wanted my husband to come back to me. I was a logical woman. Had attended university. Had my degree in medicine, just as she did. I was smart. I knew Jahad was slipping away from me. I knew the likelihood of a reversal was very slim. He’d been on life support for—I shifted my eyes over at the digidate on the wall—three hundred and seventy three days. However, statistics didn’t worry me. The seven bullets he took didn’t worry me neither. I… I couldn’t feel him.

Today… on my bloomday… I could feel him less than I could feel him just hours prior. He was slipping. Faster today than ever before. I knew I needed to prepare. I knew I needed to let go. But, I really, truly, did not want to. I wasn’t ready. Couldn’t imagine ever being ready.

“Si—

“Please, Nay,” I interrupted. “Please. I just… I just need a little time.”

Naoki sighed, hung her head and looked over her shoulder at the closed door. My best friend was Jahad’s doctor. It was a bit unethical, but I wouldn’t have had it any other way. Naoki was one of the best trauma surgeons in the country. For the most part, she tried to remain professional but caring for him—for us—it was hard.

The talk we had the other day was about preparation for after. After for me was discharging my husband and preparing a homecare plan. Because she saw things I didn’t, after for her was moving me in with her and her husband, his brother, Saint.

“Si, time is something… we don’t have much time left,” she struggled, with a sigh as she approached the bed. “Tonight might…. His heart is?—”

“I know,” I interrupted with a painful groan. “I can feel him leaving me, Nay-Nay,” I whimpered, with my head pressed against his chest as tears poured from my eyes.

His heart didn’t beat the same. I listened enough to notice subtle changes. Didn’t have to count the beats to notice when something was off. Just… knew the way it sounded. Memorized the tempo, like my favorite tune. For fifteen years, I listened to it. Every night. Of course, I knew what it sounded like. Of course I could tell when something was wrong.

I grew attached to him. We grew attached to each other. Painfully attached. Unhealthily attached. So… when this happened… when he was hurt… it shook me. It ripped me to shreds. Crippled me. I—I couldn’t go on. I didn’t leave this bed for days before I was convinced to shower and eat. I didn’t want to let him go. I couldn’t. I didn’t know what to do without him. This was different from going to school. This was different from going to work. This was different from business trips and girl trips. This… this was very, very different. This was final.

He said he would always be a call away. He always had been. And when calls and videos weren’t enough, and the pull urged us to meet in the middle, we did. Where was the pull now? Hm? Where was he now? I couldn’t… I couldn’t feel him. He—this wasn’t supposed to happen. Not yet. Not like this. We were supposed to have children. We were supposed to grow old together.

He was supposed to leave the business to Blaise. But because he was devoted to her… loyal to her… his mother, when she begged him to wait another year, he listened. And because I understood his reason, I said okay. I said okay even though I didn’t want to. I shouldn’t have. I… had I said something. Had I spoken up, he would be okay. But he knew how I felt about it. He had to know. Jahad… he always knew. He just… he always had to take care of the family. But what about me? What about us? We were supposed to live happily ever after… together. The story was supposed to end with us.