One Dirty Night - Page 106

“Because, you moron, I need more. I want more. I deserve more. I offered you that right. I gave you my heart and my body. I asked you to be mine, Nick, and what did you do?” I marched into him and stabbed a finger right over his thundering heart. “You took a job thousands of kilometres away. You told me, pretty loud and clear, that you’re not interested in loving me or ruling me, so…I’m going to find someone who is.”

He went dangerously, lethally still. “Someone else?”

“Yep.” I nodded. “Hunter told me there’s a club here. The Black Peacock. I’m going.”

“A club? What sort of club?”

“What sort do you think?” I spat. “One offering me what I need. A club full of Dominants not afraid of their own needs. A club full of submissives ready to be commanded. I’m new to this world, but I’m not afraid to become a part of it—unlike some people I know.”

A terrifying growl percolated in his chest. “Careful, Ella. I’d be extremely fucking careful if I were you.”

Planting my hand on his taut, tense belly, I shoved him into the corridor and clung to my doorknob for support. It was now or never. It would work or fail. By tonight, I could be at the mercy of a total stranger or…I could belong to the monster currently snarling at me as if he wanted to murder me, bury my body, and piss a ring of ownership around my grave.

Standing to my full height, I pushed him so he crashed against the opposite wall and said as clearly and as coldly as I could muster, “I intend to go to The Black Peacock tonight and every night until I find a man worthy of claiming me. A man who will worship me and love me. A man who will spend the rest of his life making me crawl for him, spread for him, and come for him. I will fall in love. I will commit myself to him and only him because he is worthy of loving me in return. Someone who’s smart and sexy and obsessed with me, just like I’m obsessed with him. We will live a life full of lust and love. A life of happiness as well as pain. He may die young. I might die before him. But in the years we’re alive, we will have a love story that most can only fantasise about. And you…”

I sighed heavily. “You will be exactly as you are. Precisely as you want to be. Alone.”

Agony tore through him. Terror and disbelief as his mouth parted, and he shook his head. “You can’t do that. You can’t let another man touch you. Not in that way—”

“Why?”

“Because…” He wiped his mouth with a trembling hand. “I-I forbid it.”

I caught his stare.

I gave him the saddest smile. “You relinquished all rights to me, remember?”

The blackened yearning pouring off him tangled with his rage. “You said you wouldn’t make this difficult! That you wouldn’t try to stop me from leaving.” His teeth tore at the words. “You said that at the circus. You promised me.”

“What can I say? I lied.”

“You’re going to get hurt.”

“Already am.” I held his stare. “I’m looking for someone brave enough to cure that hurt.”

His eyes turned black. “Ella. Stop. Just…fuck. It’s not safe. You can’t let another have you. You can’t give them what you gave me.”

I shrugged, just the tiniest twitch of goodbye. “That’s the thing, Nicholas…I can. And I will.”

Closing the door in his face, I flicked the lock and tumbled to my bedroom floor.

Tears breached my eyes.

Rivers tumbled down my cheeks.

And I curled up into a little ball, empty of courage, vacant of hope, just needing a moment to grieve.

Chapter Fifteen

OH GOD.

Are you sure, Ella?

Truly, positively sure?

I gulped as I entered The Black Peacock and froze on the threshold.

All the nerves of today. All the uncertainty that I was doing the right thing and the heartache of hearing Nick stalk out of the house and not return churned in my stomach.