One Dirty Night - Page 117

He panted hard, anger and surrender tainting his voice. “I’ve known every day you go to work and every night you cry out in the dark. I think I’ve known my entire life that I belong to you, searching for you through death and grief, so afraid of finding you because then I’d have to make a choice. A choice you forced me to make by showing me how much it hurts to lose you…all while you’re still mine to lose.”

Hunter’s advice flashed through my head.

A mirror image of Nick’s confession.

My heart glowed with gratitude; my eyes stung with fresh tears.

“I love you, Nick. Even when you were nasty, I sensed something was there. I told myself it was just a silly little crush…but I think I’ve always known you were mine—asshole and all.”

“Fuck,” he choked. “You shouldn’t say things like that. Especially when I can’t keep you.”

“You can keep me. You will keep me.” My voice hardened with certainty. “I’m yours.”

“And Christ, that turns me on.” He ground his erection into my lower belly. “Even though I should never have claimed you, I can’t seem to let you go.”

I gasped as heat blistered between us.

But it was more than just that. It wasn’t just lust…it was more.

More connection.

More truth.

More everything.

I wanted to know him, just like I’d longed to ever since I first met him.

I wanted him to talk about his family.

I wanted to talk about mine.

To break a habit of not talking about our loss because, maybe, just maybe, we needed to stop hiding from grief and embrace it. Our ghosts weren’t there to haunt us but to support us. To prove to us that even though they were missing from this life, they weren’t gone…not really.

They were still here.

Helping us, guiding us, nudging us in the right direction.

So many conversations we needed to have. So many secrets to confess and problems to overcome, but all that truly mattered was this.

Us.

And I’d done something unforgivable by taking away his power.

Just like the other Ella had told me.

I might kneel for this man and trust him to be strong enough to shoulder all my burdens, but…I had to be prepared to do the same for him. I had to prove that he could be paralysed, and I would keep him safe. That he could be defenceless, and I would protect him. That he could be his most vulnerable, fragile self, and instead of finding pain and heartache, he would be shielded and unconditionally adored.

I’d stolen his heart before he was ready to give it to me.

And now…now, I had to prove to him it was safe within my grasp.

With the softest breath, I gave everything I was to him and slowly, ever so slowly, folded to the floor.

“Ella—?” He cupped my elbows as I flowed down his body and out of his arms. His eyes flared as I landed on the carpet and looked up at him with no walls, no secrets.

I didn’t speak.

I didn’t move.