Seduce & Destroy - Page 85

His arms returned the hug. Yet, he still didn’t say anything when he withdrew.

“After the funeral,” He stumbled, “His body was found in the med bay at the barracks.”

My hands covered my mouth. Forrester Waite was a friend of my grandfather’s, faithful to the Ravencrofts but a stern protester of the fissure. The disagreement brought Edward and him together, but he and my father were stretched further apart.

I wanted to cry for him. “That’s horrible, Neenan. I wish I could take your pain away, I know how it feels.”

But his response was the last thing I’d expected. He laughed. But not in a humorous way, it was sinister. “You know exactly what I feel.” He scoffed, his eyes darkening. “Glad you finally realised.”

I blinked repeatedly, but continued, earnest. “I-I–I can’t tell you how devastating it is to find out—”

The blood in his cheeks rose to the surface in a way that I feared was shame before I saw the flames behind his eyes. “Don’t start.” He spat and stood towering over me. Then, his shoulders fell. “You never see me, Laney. We share more than just proximity, but you always just saw right through me, wallowing in your own self-pity too much to see that I was just as isolated as you!”

He was as alone as me. How did it take so long for me to see?

“You think you were the only one to grieve your grandfather, huh? Edward was a grandfather to me too!” He continued his tirade, getting increasingly more flustered as the words tumbled out his mouth. “And all this time you were too selfish to see it! Always busy with your oh Kenna this, and oh Kenna that. It’s bullshit.” He stressed the carpet as he walked back and forth in the room.

“What? Am I only a burden to you? An obligation that you are too weak to put aside. Talk to yourself!” I fought back in a yell.

Regret found me a minute after I had caught my breath. All he wanted was a friend who listened. It was obvious in his outburst, but he was right, I was too self-absorbed to notice his cry for help.

So, I sat in front of where he was pacing, perfectly still. With that, he calmed until his worrying steps slowed to a simple stride. After a minute, he finally slumped down to sit beside me.

“Do you want to know the worst part?” Words turned to sobs as he averted his gaze to the floor. “He’d been dead for days. I was too busy escorting you around to raise the alarm at his absence.”

I wrapped an arm around him, and I was grateful when he leaned his weight onto my side. “I didn’t know,” I said in a gentle tone. “I should’ve been there for you. I’m sorry.”

He brushed his hand up the back of his head, standing one more. “God, I should just go.”

“I forgive you.”

“It’s too late. I did this, you don’t—”

“I forgive you.” I repeated as I saw the mental battle play out on his face. He had to know I meant it. “Please, stay.”

“I’m sorry.” He said as he shut his eyes and leaned back onto the bed, our upper thighs still touching.

“We can go into the woods, light a fire, and roast some marshmallows,” I suggested with a tight smile. I might’ve been blind to his feelings, but I always listened to his words. “In his honour.”

I pulled back from the contact. The distant look in his eyes made me believe he wasn’t listening, but he eventually nodded. I didn’t cry for him, though, my reserve of tears was used up.

So, when Neenan prompted. “Go on. I’d do anything to have a box like that from him. Please.” Pointing at it. “Open it.” And I lifted the lid to find a USB stick and a letter, still, not a single tear fell.

We had both lost a lot this week, not least our sanity, but we still had each other. I had to do a good job to remember that. He nodded at me as I fiddled with the edges of the paper. The encouragement fuelled me, and I knew all would be alright with us. Now, perhaps, we could rebate a little of what we lost.

I unfolded the letter and started reading. As the words sunk in, a weight dropped in my stomach, heavier than anything else I’d felt. Mama.

?

I may have stolen a bottle of red wine from the pub downstairs. Or several.

In a fit of giggles, Neenan and I had fallen down on the first step of the back stairs. Stairs were scary so we dared not go up them. Especially not like this, I’d never been drunk before. Tilly and I indulged in the odd bottle of wine, but we never took it this far. My head felt heavy, but it came with a freedom that I hadn’t anticipated. I thought being intoxicated would be disarming, not freeing. It felt weird. Good, but weird.

“Did you…” I laughed before I got the words out. “See her?”

His eyes were glazed. “What?” He shouted comically loud.

I groaned with a smile. “You’re so drunk.”