Summoners War: Only I Summoned Divine Beasts - Chapter 1563: Have I Done Enough?

Chapter 1563: Have I Done Enough?

“Ha… Ha…” The original Nathan was sitting on his chair. His gaze was already blank, with big bags under his eyes.

Even though he was supposed to be at the peak of his life, his appearance felt as if his soul had been sucked out of his body.

He looked at the new page in front of him.

’What is the count this time? How many lives have I actually undergone? A few hundred thousand?

’Has it reached a million? My karma has been growing the whole time, but I have done a lot of bad things as well… I have been deceiving myself that this will be for the world.

’But… what have I actually done in this life?’

The original Nathan looked at the bottle of wine on his left. He just swallowed everything in one go, not caring if his throat was burning or not.

This little pain was actually what made him still feel alive.

“I wonder when this will be over,” Nathan muttered. His head turned around and saw nothing but an empty house. There was no one who supported him. It wasn’t because they didn’t want to support him, but because they didn’t have the ability to support him.

“Teacher… Bianca…” Nathan bit his lip. It felt like he could see an image of Flora, sitting on the bed while spreading her arms as she enthusiastically said, “Come here. You have worked hard today. Let me spoil you.”

Nathan clenched his hands into fists before gasping for air. His body was moving on its own as if he were trying to get some comfort.

Even though it was just an image in his own mind, he dropped to his knees and laid his head down on the bed, thinking that a warm hand would comfort him.

“Aaahhhh!” Nathan cried aloud. He was tired. “Do you know how hard it has been? Do you know how many times I have seen you die? Not only you, my student, my teacher, everyone else…

“I have been doing this for millions of years, repeating the same thing over and over again, yet I can’t even see the end of my goal.

“Can I even defeat someone when everything about me is going to him? He knows my thoughts, he knows my power, he knows everything!”

Nathan just let everything out, but no matter how much he called for someone, no one would be there to give him the last push he needed.

“I’m tired of losing all of you. I don’t really want to leave all of you, but what can I do? If I don’t distance myself from you, I will have to experience that excruciating pain in every life.”

Nathan clutched his head and messed with his hair. “Aaaahhhhh! Can I stop? Just please… I have done everything for I don’t even know how many times. I may have done this over and over again a million times, but can I finally stop now?

“I don’t want to do this anymore.” Nathan buried his face in the bed sheet, trying to cover his shame for giving up as well as wiping his tears.

But the tears couldn’t be stopped. The shame might have gone, but it was replaced by guilt.

“I have done everything I can… right?” Nathan asked with a shaking voice. “The opponent is just too strong. What has been set can’t be changed… This world is already doomed. All I can do is halt that impending doom for a few more years… I am… tired.”

…

The diary was able to capture the emotion that the original Nathan had.

Even Nathan couldn’t help but feel weak. His legs started to give up. He had to grab the chair near him and sit down.

Could someone judge him? He had done everything he could for millions of years without anyone knowing about it.

He had to do the same thing over and over again… He had to meet the same people, ask the same question, demand the same thing, and face the same end.

Nathan wondered if he could do the same thing as the original Nathan. By that time, he might have joined the aliens because he was aware that it was impossible to beat the black cell.

Nathan covered his mouth. It felt like if he didn’t hold it back, he might start crying.

The original Nathan was the same Nathan, but from this world.

[3040688th Reincarnation]

“This might be the last time I will write something. I can’t persist anymore. Yes, I have to admit my defeat.

“I don’t think I can do it anymore. You know what? After making this decision, my head suddenly clears up, my body feels light…

“Why have I not given up all this time? I have lost my reason to protect this world. Do I regret this decision? I don’t know for sure, but I don’t think I will regret this decision.

“I have done my best. It’s just impossible for me to continue anymore. So I don’t care if you are going to blame me or not.

“However, I know that my decision this time will give you a very hard time. It might even be impossible for you as well. I won’t blame you if you end up failing like me, but I won’t let you suffer the same thing as I do.

“My soul has been marked by that supreme being, so I have to disappear completely.

“I have to bring all my ena away, but even that supreme being won’t be able to grasp the karma that has been accumulated all this time.

“To make sure that the supreme being doesn’t realize your existence, I have to bring you to this world from somewhere that even the supreme being doesn’t know about.

“I know what kind of suffering you will have to face and how lonely it will be. It might not be much, but I end up twisting your fate so that you will have people accompanying you, just like when Flora accompanied me in a few lives.

“I just hope to ease a bit of your burden because I’m too pathetic to shoulder that responsibility.

“Hey, me from another world, I have one last question.

“Have I… done enough?”