The Innkeeper - Chapter 1693: Kneel Peasants
Chapter 1693: Kneel Peasants
“Amitabha, I know that look, brother Pebbles,” said Monk, stepping up to the hamster. Yet the bear cub was not looking at the hamster. No, the bear cub was holding up a mirror and looking at himself.
He had assumed that upon becoming an Earth Immortal, he would finally grow a little in strength. Unfortunately, his size remained the same. Only a small patch of its fur grew longer, now giving Monk a mullet.
His new hair style, paired with his prayer bead necklace and monk robes, made him look extremely adorable, and completely nonserious.
“What look?” Pebbles asked defensively. The fact that his right arm now ended in a flame thrower, and his entire left leg was now a missile, made him look extremely… extremely adorable, given his tiny size.
“It is the look of ambition. Save yourself the trouble? Why walk onto the sizzling plate when you can merely put a steak on it stead, and enjoy a nice, sizzling steak covered in mushroom sauce alongside some mashed potatoes? Such a thing can even be paired with a nice, refreshing drink? But what will ambition get you? Sweaty – that’s all.”
“Hmph. I will become captain – you will see. And then, I will sleep in the big bed,” Pebbles said derisively. How could a monk understand the romance of a hamster’s glorious ambitions?
“My beard is tingling,” said Longbeard, stepping out of a bright light as he exited the Challenge realm. “It’s never done that before. I wonder what it means. If only this thing came with an instruction manual.”
“Brother Longbeard, I read long ago that tingling is a sixth sense that warns of trouble,” said Monk, though he continued to pose for the mirror in his hands. “Perhaps with your increased power, you have stepped into the realm of tingling – a realm only ever mentioned in legends.”
“We are in the lands governed by the Artica race. What trouble could there be?” Pebbles asked dismissively, only to cause Longbeard to facepalm.
“You should not have done that,” Longbeard said, shaking his head as he rolled his beard into a braid, making it easier to walk at least.
“What shouldn’t he have done?” Tiny-Sparkles asked, walking out of the light. The unicorn suffering from dwarfism also seemed to have experienced a hairstyle makeover, for the hair on its neck was standing like a mohawk, and had adopted the colors of the rainbow.
“Little Pebbles has broken the captain’s taboo. He has raised a flag,” Longbeard answered, causing the unicorn to flinch. He eyed the hamster, and then the gnome braiding its beard, and didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.
Who would take something so absurd, so seriously? The answer was: anyone who had ever been to the Folklore realm. Common sense and logic were crutches used by the weak. Superstition was the true way of things.
“Gather the crew immediately. We must count all heads,” the unicorn said immediately. As the first mate, it had to step up.
“It’s impossible,” said Pebbles. “I was the first one out, so the Challenge realm told me. Due to an unexpected event in the final moments of his ascendance, the captain was sent somewhere else in this level.”
“Ah, the prelude to trouble,” Longbeard said, as if acknowledging the situation.
“Stop saying stuff like that,” Tiny-Sparkles admonished. “You’re making it worse. Just gather everyone else. We’ll wait here for the captain to find us. It’ll be easier for him to find us than for us to find him.”
At that exact moment, Bob stepped out of a bright light as well, looking no different than before. He was even sucking on the same, sour flavored jawbreaker.
Shortly after, Ollie also flew out of the light. Only the Shadow Tallon now had an ear piercing and streak on white hair starting from above its eye and going behind its head.
The crew was almost complete, with only Goldilocks and the Crystal alligator missing, yet no matter how long the crew waited, they never came.
“This is troublesome,” said Tiny-Sparkles. “Why is it taking so long? Did they fail their trial, or is their ascension somehow special?”
To say that the two of them were special wouldn’t be a stretch, but the crew began to feel like something was amiss.
As if to answer their questions, a mysterious figure appeared, shrouded in shadow. But his silhouette was clearly visible, making it easy for the others to identify him.
“Quack,” said the duck wearing a trenchcoat and a fedora, his voice deep and rugged, like a veteran who had seen too much.
Goldilocks stepped out of the shadow, a stubble growing on its golden face, and deep set eyes that had seen too little sleep, and too much late night tv.
“What do you mean?” Tiny-Sparkles asked.
“Quack,” Goldilocks said again, and turned around, his trench coat flapping in the air as he did.
The crew, all wearing angry and serious expressions, followed along. Pebbles even turned on the flamethrower, and activated his leg missile, ready to prove that he would make a worthy captain.
“Let me do the talking once we get there,” Tiny-Sparkles said to the group, but he stared specifically towards Bob. There was a trace of dread within his eyes, as he had a realization. Sealing Bob’s mouth would no longer work. The mischievous Deity could not speak, no, he could probably orate through his spirit sense, turning it into a real voice that could resonate through the land. It would be much harder to contain him now. Perhaps, only the captain could do that.
Shortly after, the group arrived at a large stadium. Since they had teleported inside a city upon completing their ascension, it was not unusual to encounter such a scene. What was unusual, however, was the sight of the crystal alligator alone in the center of the stadium, a collar, around his neck, tied to a chain that was linked to a massive pillar.
Before Tiny-Sparkles could begin to understand the situation, Bob, the captain’s self proclaimed Director of Introductions, the Announcer of Arrivals, the Warden of Words, the Grand Namer of Awesome Feats, stepped forward.
“KNEEL PEASANTS, LEST YOUR DEEDS CAUSE THE CAPTAIN TO FROWN, AND INSTIGATE ARMAGEDDON!“
