The Werewolf's Vampire Mate - Chapter 607 - Vulnerability

Chapter 607 – Vulnerability

Darrien 

He is looking at me. 

He is assuring me that things are fine but I know him. Just the same way that he knows me, I know that there is something about what I have said so far that he doesn't like. He doesn't like that she exists. I don't even like that she exists but what can I do. I can't completely erase my past just to be the best for him. 

It exists and I need him to see it all. 

I need him to know it all. 

"Okay.'' he manages.. He is still holding my hand but now it feels like he is squeezing me tightly from all that he feels. I don't mind if he gets upset. That just means that he cares. I know that he cares. I know how much he loves me, so he doesn't need to hide how he feels to make me feel better. 

I know that it was shitty bringing Amber into my life again but at that moment, all I thought about was him and making sure he was in my life. I didn't care that she was an ex, I didn't care that we had a past that wasn't even settled. 

"My past is not clean. I have done a lot of things that I regret. Things that I don't even like to think about.'' 

That is the truth. 

I wasn't the best person. 

I don't even deserve all the happiness that I have now. I know it and that is why I live my life being grateful for the way it turned out. I didn't think about the consequences of my actions. I acted without a care in the world. 

"What kind of things?'' he asks quietly. There is no judgment in his voice. No anger, nothing. He is just quiet." 

I know that once I say all these things out, there is no taking it back. He might look at me differently, he might come to think that I am a monster. I don't know how he will react to this. Jabi has the purest heart, he was so innocent when I met him. Hidden away in the coven, he hasn't seen the outside world. He doesn't know anything about vampires. He doesn't know the things that vampires do to humans—telling him now will show him a little of that dark world that I always wanted to shield him from. 

"I met Amber in a club one night. I didn't know she was a witch. Somehow, her scent was hidden so I couldn't tell. I didn't even care. I was too far gone that night." 

"What do you mean by far gone?'' he asks. 

"You know how humans get drunk from alcohol?'' he nods "Well we get drunk when we drink a lot of blood directly from a human.' 

His eyes open widely as it registers. This is a lot harder than I thought it would be. I like the way that he looks at me. Telling him all this might just change things. I would hate for him to see me in the light I see myself sometimes. It would kill me. 

"Oh.'' 

He has been saying a lot of OH's all night and I don't blame him. I can't just spring this all on him and expect him to just accept it all. 

"Yeah, so I was half out of my mind when I saw her. I took her home, with the intention of just feeding off her. There is this thirst a vampire gets, almost like a high. I was already at that place. I didn't want to come off it. I would have done anything to keep being in that place. I would have killed her.'' 

This is something that I never thought I would ever say to him. 

Fuck, this is harder than I thought it would be. 

He is looking at me and for the first time in a long time, I can't read him. I can't even tell what he is thinking and I hate that so badly. "Shit, maybe you don't need to know all this. I don't like the way you are looking at me.' 

I stand up from the bed because my mind is in a fog. I don't like the way I feel right now. I have never been as honest as I am with him and it is a kind of vulnerability that I didn't even know I had. I walk over to the window and stop in front of it. My hands are shaking awfully. 

I hear his footsteps but I don't turn around. I don't think I can look at him right now—especially with the way he is looking at me. 

Shit. 

He stops walking and I wait, unsure of what he wants to do. I want him to hold me and assure me that nothing would change between us. I am still naked and suddenly the air around me is cold. It feels like I am frozen in time. I want to get out of this ice state that I am in. I run my hands through my hair as I look out at the night sky. The moon is shining above us and it is a beautiful sight. 

I don't feel so alone knowing that the goddess is watching over us. 

It is weird but I know that we will be fine. I feel him touch my back softly. It is a light graze that I probably wouldn't have noticed if I wasn't so familiar with all of him. I know his touch, his scent. I can feel him even when he is miles away. This is the man I love. I will feel him no matter what. 

"I am not judging you. I don't care about your past and the things that you have done—as long as you know and you want to do better." 

I turn to him and he has a faint smile on his face. He is trying to make me feel better. "I love you Dar, I love you so much and that is all that matters to me, so if this is too hard for you. You don't have to tell me. Whenever you are ready, I will be here to listen to you. I will always be by your side." 

I feel a pang in my chest at his words. 

He is amazing. 

So amazing.