The Werewolf's Vampire Mate - Chapter 639 - Look Within Yourself

Chapter 639 – Look Within Yourself

Blue

I wait for the phone to ring and he answers on the first ring. At first, there is silence on his end of the phone and I know it is because he is waiting for me to talk.

I call Jules but not that often and even though I said that was going to change. It hasn't really.

Maybe Gyles and Rex are right.

I am so closed off and even in the past couple of years, I know that nothing has changed. It is not easy for me to open up to anyone and I have been giving myself excuses. I mean, can you blame me. After everything, I have been through.

"Hello son,'' he finally speaks up. He hates awkward silences just as much as I do.

"Hi, dad.''

His breathing is loud through the phone but I can just picture him happy to be hearing from me. Jules is just like me. He loves and when he does, he focuses on that love.

He loves me and to him, that is all that matters.

He hasn't opened up his heart for anyone else and I guess that is me in a way. I love Gyles and I love Rex, so I don't even see any reasons why I should love anyone else.

I don't need it.

That void inside me is full of them.

So I am not even thinking about anyone else.

"How are you?''

I can almost picture him smiling "I am good. Things are good, how are the mates?'' he asks me and the sincerity in his voice is as clear as day. He only cares about Gyles and Rex because of me.

Just the way I care about the community because of them.

Fuck.

These thoughts have been on my mind for the past week. I have been thinking about it and worrying. I am not a lone wolf, I don't want to be on my own. I like that I am surrounded by people. I like the crowd. I like the sense of family.

I am not a lone wolf.

"They are good,'' I take a deep breath as I muster the courage to confide in him. We have a good relationship. He has helped me through a lot. Finding my wolf, understanding my wolf is all thanks to him but now, I need to talk to him because he is the only one that could possibly understand how I feel right now.

"Can I ask you something?'' I add with my voice shaking.

"Yes, is everything okay?'' the worry swarms his voice.

He is worried about me.

It makes me feel good.

"Yes. There has just been something on my mind and you are the only one that can help me clear things up."

"Okay."

"How did you know you wanted to be on your own? Like what made you leave your pack?''

This is something I have never even really asked him.

This is something I didn't think I wanted to know.

Maybe it makes me selfish that I choose to ask him this when I am swarming in doubts. Maybe I am not such a good person like I thought I was.

"Oh," his words are as cold as ice. Almost like he doesn't even want to talk about it and I wonder to myself, why I never thought to ask him. I say I care about him but at the end of the day, I am selfish. 

"I didn't belong in a pack. I knew it all my life. Even before I met your mother. There was no big revelation. I wasn't kicked out like people like to say. I just up and left." 

I hear the regret in his voice and he isn't even trying to hide his emotions. It makes me happy that he is just being honest about it.

"Do you think I could be like you?'' I ask with my heart and life on the line. I am not selfish and I would never leave Gyles and Rex. I don't want to be on my own. I want to be with them. I want to be a part of their pack. I want to be with them. 

"Why do you ask?'' he asks through the phone. 

I know why am having these thoughts right now. I know that their concern is making me worry and it is making me think deeply. I haven't even felt like there is a problem with me until they brought it up.

"Just something Gyles said. They are worried.'' 

"How do you feel about the pack, do you want to leave?'' 

I don't want to leave. I have never even thought of leaving. "No, I like it here.'' 

"Then you have nothing to worry about. Trust me, if your wolf didn't feel like he belonged in the pack, he would have left a long time ago. You wouldn't have even needed to ask me."

I hear his words and I want to listen to him. I want to believe what he is saying but there is just this part of me that doesn't even understand it.

"No one can tell you how you feel. Look inside yourself and you will know. I can't tell you what you need to hear because you are the only one that can. Don't think about it too much, live your life and give yourself a chance to be happy. Stop holding back and you will find that you can." 

He is encouraging and I feel it in my guts. 

I want to be happy and I am happy. 

Every day when I wake up and I open my eyes. Seeing the sun and the people that I live for next to me makes me satisfied. Grateful for the life that I have been given. Makes me look forward to tomorrow and the day after. 

"I am happy,'' I breathe out, in a way, this is more for me than him. 

He doesn't need to hear that. 

I do. 

"Yeah, you are son."