The Werewolf's Vampire Mate - Chapter 654 - A Missing Piece

Chapter 654 – A Missing Piece

Jabi 

Something weird happened to me in the night. I have never felt the way I felt. Something was missing.

My baby was missing in my joy.

I knew it. 

I didn't want to wake Darrien up. 

I didn't want to have to talk about it with him because things were going great. We had a bond that I thought we would lose with Tala. 

Her name is tala. 

I am the one that chose the name. 

I loved it the minute I heard it. 

I should have loved her as much as I loved her name but it didn't happen. From the beginning, I felt like I was going to fail her. I felt like I was going to be a terrible parent. 

I didn't know why. 

I didn't want to disappoint her but I ended up doing just that. I haven't held her—like really held her since she was born. I would watch her from a distance. I would find a way to drop with someone else whenever she was in my arms. I didn't want to bond with her because I felt like she wouldn't love me. 

How many people could love someone as imperfect as me? 

How many people did I want to disappoint? 

I turn around, my eyes looking at the room. Darrien is beside me. he is sleeping, so I get up slowly, so I don't wake him and walk out of the house. I know where she would be. 

Alanis is the only one that Darrien actually trusts to leave alone with his kid. It makes no sense because every one in our family could watch her and she would be fine but he is such a helicopter dad that he cant. 

I walk in the dead of night until I get to the main house. I just want to see her and maybe apologize for all the things I have done. For the way I treated her. 

Hold your child.

Love your child. 

Those had been the chants in my head. 

It is easier said than done. I don't even understand what I am going through but it seems like Dar does. We haven't talked about it but I know that he knows there is something wrong with me. 

I knock on the door and it takes a couple of minutes for the door to open. Beau furrows his eyes in confusion as he sees me "Jab, is everything okay?'' he asks confused. 

I nod and try to give him a smile to assure him but it comes out faint. I don't even know why I am here "Can I see her?'' I ask. 

"Tala?'' 

I nod. 

He smiles.

He understands how hard this must be for me. the people in the community all treat me differently. It is all thanks to Beau. he has been amazing. He treated me like I belonged and now everyone does the same. he might not have said anything to me but he knows. 

They all know. 

At least the ones that matter to me. 

"Sure, she is asleep though. I just checked her,'' he opens the door and I walk into the house. 

The cool air hits me from the air conditioner. I walk behind him and he doesn't say anything to me. he doesn't need to. I didn't come here to have a conversation with him. I just came to see my daughter and he is letting me do that peacefully. 

We get to a door and he opens the room for me. 

"You can spend the night here if you want,'' he informs me before he leaves. I thank him as he leaves and walks over to the crib. I see her and my heart thuds against my chest. I don't know how I am supposed to feel. 

I don't know what my reaction is supposed to be. 

My baby. 

She is sleeping. 

Her tiny eyes are closed. 

Her mouth is slightly open.

Even asleep, she looks so much like me. 

The moment she was born, I saw it. I saw myself in her. so why haven't I been able to love her the way I love myself. 

Why do I still see her as the thing that would bring me and Darrien apart? 

Because you are scared. 

My wolf tells me. 

I shake my head. 

She squirms in her sleep but she doesn't wake up. I don't reach for her. I just watch her. unsure of how I am supposed to feel. 

This should come naturally to me. 

Right? 

Not everyone. 

The voice in my head that is my wolf tells me. I want to believe him but I don't know. 

I grab the stool in the room that is in front of the rocking chair and sit down on it. my hands rest on the crib as I watch her. unlike all the other times, I want to be close to her. I want to figure her out, I want to know how she feels about me. I don't know if I want to hold her. it would be a bad idea. Whenever I hold her, she cries. I don't want her to cry. I just want to watch her quietly from a distance. 

I close my eyes for a second as I listen to the sounds of my heart.

I know how my wolf feels about Tala. 

There is nothing but love. 

Love that I want to feel. 

You are denying yourself of this privilege. 

I know. 

I open my eyes as her squirms increase and she opens her eyes slowly as she starts to cry. 

Maybe it is my presence. 

I mean, I make her cry. 

What would make this moment different?

I grab her gently because I don't want her to wake the whole house up. they are already doing us a favor. The least I can do is take care of my baby. Her hands grab mine but she doesn't stop until I stand up and rest her on my chest. At first, I am scared but the minute she stops and I feel her clutch onto my shirt. 

I don't know what to do. 

"Here, I made a bottle for her,'' Alanis walks into the room. "You can feed her on the rocking chair. I used to feed the twins on there all the time." 

I thank him as he walks out of the room. 

I sit down on the chair and her eyes are open. She is staring at me with this intensity. 

She knows. 

Almost like she is trying to register my face into her memory. I am not the one that she sees all the time. 

I am the terrible parent. 

I place the bottle on her mouth and she takes it in immediately, her eyes never leaving mine. 

My heart races faster as I feed her. 

A slow smile forms on my face. 

I don't know how I feel at this moment but I know I will try to be better for her. I will try to be the best.