Trust - Page 108

He’d stayed. Of course he had. We still lived in the same house. He still worked that door, with his dad. And we’d made Stewart move in with us, because. Well. I was a charming bastard, apparently, and had Reuben’s dad twisted round my pretty little fingers. Also, I’d pretty much bullied Stewart into accepting the flat downstairs. Bought him a car and all that. I mean, he had free parking. In central London. Couldn’t argue with that, could he? In the end, the kids had been the final draw, and I wasn’t talking about myself and Reubs.

Our kids lived in that house too. Our very own baby cot in the corner of our bedroom. How lucky were we?

I knew how lucky I was. I truly did. Despite still being hopeless with money and not understanding a thing about how to actually run a business. Or manage my life.

Not that I had to. I had Michelle to manage most work things. And when things had eventually become too much at home, I’d called Agnes, because we’d kept in touch and I trusted her. Made her an offer she’d have been stupid to refuse. Well. More stupid than me. What did I know? So now she spent her mornings in our kitchen sorting out our schedules and answering my emails and paying our bills and swearing under her breath when I once again asked if she could babysit.

She never minded. Which made me a dick. But, whatever. It was something we laughed about. Laughter was good. And for what I paid her… Gah. I hope I was paying her. I think she actually paid herself.

I had to shake myself out of my daydreams, as the judge in front of us still droned on.

This day had been a long time coming, but it didn’t matter. I wanted it over and done with. Gone. I wasn’t even listening as the lawyers presented their final tirades of big words. They felt more threatening than ever, and the faces on the other side of the courtroom looked as blank as ours.

Like they’d given up. Same as we had.

Because this trial had never really been about rights and wrongs. Or money, for that matter. It had been all about humanity and greed. I nodded my head hearing our lawyer say those words. We were all human. And this pathetic, absolute mess? I had no anger left. None. Just the overwhelming feeling of wanting to get out of here.

I wasn’t The Dieter. Not here. Here, I was just me, and I’d had enough. I was on the brink of doing something stupid, like walking out of here. I was fidgeting, and Lee put his hand on my arm.

“Just hang on,” he whispered.

I was grateful. I wasn’t sure how much more I could take.

Trust.

I thought about that word. I also thought about the word love. A word I’d written so many songs about without even understanding what it meant. Bloody love.

I knew what it meant now. It meant a crying baby falling asleep against my chest. It meant talking down a distressed little boy who still had no concept of why he was living in our house. Why his little sister sometimes just wouldn’t stop crying. It meant falling asleep with Reuben’s arm around my chest. It meant smiling and laughing and being a family.

We were fostering, but we’d been approved to adopt the two little people who held a vice-like grip on my soul, so it was just a waiting game now. Another round of court dates. Meetings with social workers and support workers and therapists and liaison officers…I still didn’t understand half of those words.

I understood the important parts, though. The words that mattered.

Like the first hugs. The little smiles. The way Reuben and I would collapse on top of our bed in the evenings. He sometimes cried with exhaustion, my Reuben. I didn’t blame him; I wanted to cry too. But then he’d curl up on my chest and things would just right themselves.

I just had to be patient. Let life just happen. Tag along for the ride.

Take those deep breaths, like I did when we finally put an end to the shitshow that had been Blitz. We didn’t even cheer over our massive win, or clap or make a scene. Instead we all shook hands and walked away. I didn’t even look back. Because there was nothing to look back at. Just a future ahead of me that I couldn’t wait to get back to.

A future that was right there back home, where I threw myself on the sofa, accepted our daughter into my arms. She wriggled around like she always did before settling against my chest.

“She refused to nap again,” Agnes huffed. “Had her lunch, though. She really hates carrot. Seriously, guys, let’s move on to something else.”

“Peas were a hit,” I said, grabbing a blanket off the floor and covering us up. I was cold. Tired. I could actually do with a nap myself. “I’m going to be all responsible and pop her in her cot as soon as she’s asleep,” I said. I knew these things. It was funny how much I actually knew about being a dad. Fuck me.

“You do that.” Agnes snorted. “I’m off then. Going to take this as a bonus afternoon off and go to the gym. Treat myself to some time away from this madhouse.”

“Thank you, Agnes,” Reuben said politely. “What would we do without you?”

The answer to that question was Agnes sticking her tongue out at him. The truth? We wouldn’t do much without Agnes. But there you have it. I had good people around me now. People I liked. Trusted.

“Reuben?” our son asked as Reubs took a seat next to me and lifted our little boy up onto his lap. “Are you going to be home all day now?”

“All day,” he confirmed, stroking his hair.

“Tell me about why I have to live in this house again?”

Our beautiful little boy, who looked a little bit like Reuben. Perhaps it was just my imagination playing tricks on me. Maybe it was just the hair. Or how cute he was. That little cheeky smile.