Will of chaos - Chapter 1921 1921: Cap 1917: Insanity
“I want you to tell me what you’re trying to do, I want to know everything now.” (Me)
There are many things that don’t make sense to me, among them, the first and last would be Paradox. His appearance in my mind moments before this Infernal Event was strange.
After that comes Curse’s change of heart. Even if he’s acting out of self-interest and thinking of the race he created, his change was too sudden.
This entire event was also strange. The Chimera had been watching me back then. Not only that, but that last Demon was targeting me personally.
The Infernal creatures targeting me was absurd enough, but that Fallen Lord of Chaos at the end was clearly prepared for me. He possessed the power of Chaos, and only I existed in his eyes. Yet, he wasn’t even the target of the event according to that last notification. It was too absurd, it was so obvious.
I don’t even want to talk about those monsters, especially that Phoenix. Those Origin Creatures and Anomalous Creatures weren’t even supposed to be at this event.
This event was only for those who participated in establishing the rules for this universe’s competition. I can still understand the Ascended being there, but there’s no justification for those Anomalous and Origin Creatures being present other than an imposition by Callidora, the one who created the event.
And with Callidora using Niryna’s existence as a guarantee, which forced me to stay and face that Fallen Lord of Chaos, it was all absurd.
Callidora was up to something, but I would settle things with her later. The important thing was the one who benefited the most, Paradox.
She managed to get her hands on that heart-shaped Origin Artifact, took Vecna away, and even took the refined Concept of that Fallen Lord of Chaos—all in this one event. I would be blind if I couldn’t see Callidora and Paradox’s hidden intentions in sync.
“My bearer, you truly must stop thinking like a mortal; even the most foolish of Gods would have abandoned that level of linear thought by now.” (Paradox)
“What’s that supposed to mean?” (Me)
“See, that’s what I’m talking about… you’re no different from Vecna in that sense.” (Paradox)
“You believe everything has a reason, that an action is driven by intention… this may work among mortals, but the more you transcend mortality, the divine, and reality itself, these levels of thought become more outdated.” (Paradox)
“You’re stalling for time.” (Me)
“Just answer my question.” (Me)
I was furious, forcing myself to try to remain calm. I knew that exploding here wouldn’t be productive. I couldn’t miss this chance to solve this mystery, to be treated like a piece on someone else’s board.
“I’m sharing some useful wisdom. There’s no need to rush. Part of being eternal is having infinite time.” (Paradox)
“My time may be infinite, but my problems won’t wait forever.” (Me)
“I’ll try to be brief; after all, you need to understand something.” (Paradox)
“Entities are the most selfish beings in existence. They almost never do anything planned. They act as they please purely on their own, regardless of risks, consequences, or even ambitions.” (Paradox)
“I’m no different. I’ve done many things, but I’ve never planned this far ahead. What I’ve done is to throw out possibilities without much thought.” (Paradox)
“See Entities as being defined by their Concepts. In truth, we are what defines these Concepts. Therefore, our actions are always with these Concepts in mind, that is, always thinking of ourselves.” (Paradox)
“What do you mean by possibilities?” (me)
“What I always wanted was to abandon the Concept of Chaos, so I acted with that in mind, knowing I would fail almost every time.” (Paradox)
“The Fallen Lords of Chaos are part of those failures, the eye you used was also one of those possibilities, the Anomalous Dragons were just a coincidence, and yet it also became a possibility, the Ascendants were also a possibility.” (Paradox)
“I created both types of Anomalous Power, I created the first Universal Creature, I created the Chaos wielders, and I did many things, all possibilities I hoped would yield a favorable outcome.” (Paradox)
“Wait, you created the Ascendants and the Anomalous Dragons!!?” (me)
That was unthinkable. I already knew about the Anomalous powers, but knowing that Paradox created these terrible beings who destroyed so many universes in their path.
“How could you do something like that?” (Me)
“Didn’t you hear anything I said?” (Paradox)
“I acted on impulse every time, I just gave them what they wanted or needed, but everything they did afterward was their own decision.” (Paradox)
“Do you even feel regret or guilt?” (Me)
“I didn’t have time for those things, so I did what I could, as always.” (Paradox)
“I am Paradox; the Concept defines me as much as I define it.” (Paradox)
“Those touched by me obtain what they desire while losing what they need. In my presence, duality is reversed. In my presence, those who seek life walk toward death, those who sink into death are blessed with life.” (Paradox)
“I am contradiction itself. Right and wrong are nonexistent in my eyes, good and evil are other people’s points of view.” (Paradox)
“The only thing I create is destruction, the only thing I see is impossibility. I am wrong to do right and right to do wrong.” (Paradox)
“No plan will ever bear fruit in my hands, while the lack of plans will eventually lead me to what I need.” (Paradox)
“I am contradiction incarnate, I exist in Chaos, I am the source of Chaos, I am impossibility… I am Paradox!” (Paradox)
As she spoke, images of Sarazar’s summoning by an Entity unknown to him surfaced in my mind.
Images of Vecna in his early days, encountering an Entity he didn’t understand and accepting a power that would never give him what he needed.
Images of a universe coming alive with its own ego as it became a creature, and how all life within it was refined at its birth.
The creation of the Fallen Lords of Chaos, molded from chaos itself by Paradox’s trembling hands, hands incomparably beautiful.
It showed entire universes being transformed, monsters emerging, life evolving into different races, infinite and priceless transformations.
These were scenes so grandiose and strange, they came to my mind in rapid succession, things both happy and horrific, prosperity and endless agony.
My mind had no time to think, my emotions couldn’t stop flowing, my wounded Soul seemed to burn, and suddenly everything vanished, leaving only a shadowy silhouette behind, a silhouette that roared in endless agony amidst laughter of insanity.
Of all that had happened so far, this was the scene that most marked my Soul. I felt such bizarre emotions and sensations so incomprehensible that even my Soul shivered while my mind seemed about to break. It was an overwhelming sensation of madness that seemed infinite.
“That… that… what…” (me)
Haa… haa… haaa…. haaa… haaa…
When I came to, my body was covered in cracks that bled uncontrollably, tears streaming from my eyes, a horrible weakness gripped my body, my mind ached as if it were about to split in two, my emotions bubbled up inside me uncontrollably, something they hadn’t done in a long time since I learned emotional control.
“Remember, this isn’t your body, this isn’t reality, you’re not tired or hurt, don’t allow your Will to be shaken.” (Paradox)
“…” (me)
Her words were like a cold shower over me, as if I’d regained my composure all at once.
I returned to my sitting position, the cracks disappearing along with the blood, the tears drying up as if they’d never been there, the trembling and weakness vanishing without a trace.
“What was that?” (me)
“A small sample of my memories, a simple account of what I am, is incapable of conveying the truth, even for a superficial understanding. Now you know partially what I am.” (Paradox)
“…” (me)
“I don’t understand…” (me)
“Because it’s not to understand, Chaos isn’t understood. You, more than anyone else, should know. You only accept or reject… I rejected it.” (Paradox)
“…” (me)
I look at her, trying to at least form a sketch of the truth. Everything I felt was unreal, but somehow I knew they were the truth, partial truths about many things.
“I don’t know what other Entities seek, I don’t know what Hell is trying to achieve. I don’t try to understand, I don’t even think about it, and I just accept what happens, making the most of it.” (Paradox)
“You said you reject… reject what?” (me)
“I reject myself, I reject Chaos, I reject what I am.” (Paradox)
“My mind, ego, and Will were shattered by Chaos. My Concept of Chaos brought me madness and insanity. I became increasingly lost within myself, not knowing what I had done or was doing. My mind wandered in endless madness for seemingly endless periods of time.” (Paradox)
“I wanted to abandon Chaos, which was impossible from the beginning. I am chaos… at the same time, I also made it possible by being an Existential Paradox, thus corresponding to the Concept of Chaos.” (Paradox)
“I created the Lords of Chaos to become the new Entities of Chaos, just as I carried out hundreds of plans, all of which failed… then I stopped planning and launched the possibilities before sealing myself in the Paradox of existence and nonexistence.” (Paradox)
“I exist without existing, but Chaos is still a Concept needing to exist. It cannot create, only transform. That’s why someone random was chosen to carry Chaos, even if only partially. Thus were born the Bringers of Chaos, thus you came into existence.” (Paradox)
