Chapter 51: I Want To Be With You, Damon.

Vivian had spent most of the morning thinking about the previous afternoon.

She had gone to lunch with Damon, walked beside the river, and returned to Blackstone Manor. Nothing extraordinary had happened, yet she kept remembering little things he had said and how easily their conversation had flowed.

Their engagement had always seemed complicated. Their families had arranged it years ago, and Damon had been honest that he wasn’t offering her a conventional marriage.

She had accepted those terms because she wanted to be his wife, but she hadn’t expected to enjoy his company as much as she did.

Now she found herself looking forward to spending time with him, and that realization made her both happy and uneasy.

Their morning training session went as usual, though Vivian found it harder than normal to concentrate. Damon corrected her guard twice before finally stepping back.

"You’re distracted today."

"I’m thinking."

"While throwing punches?"

"It’s possible to do two things at once."

"Not particularly well, apparently."

She lowered her hands and gave him an annoyed look. Damon merely waited for her to reset her stance, and she returned to training with renewed determination. She wasn’t going to let him win an argument by proving his point.

By the time they finished, her thoughts had settled somewhat. She showered, changed, and spent the rest of the morning trying to convince herself that there was no reason to feel nervous about speaking to him.

She had already decided what she wanted. There was no point avoiding the conversation simply because saying it aloud might make her feel exposed.

After lunch, she found Damon in his study.

He was seated behind the desk, looking through some documents. When she knocked on the open door, he looked up.

"Come in. What is it?"

Vivian entered and closed the door behind her. She had rehearsed the opening in her head several times, but standing in front of him made every version sound awkward.

"I wanted to talk to you about something."

He put the documents aside. "All right. What’s on your mind?"

"Do you remember what we talked about the other night? About our first time together?"

"I remember."

She took a breath, then walked closer to his desk. "I’ve been thinking about it since then, and I don’t want to keep putting it off just because I’m nervous."

He studied her face, giving her his full attention.

"Are you saying you’re ready?"

"Yes." She paused, trying to find the right words without making the moment more dramatic than it needed to be.

"I want to be with you, Damon. Not because our families arranged our engagement, and not because I think it’s something I’m supposed to do. I want to know what it feels like to be close to you."

She had never found it difficult to speak her mind in a negotiation or stand her ground when someone challenged her. This was different.

There was no argument to win and no way to hide behind the confidence she usually relied on.

She was telling him something that mattered to her, and she couldn’t control what he would make of it.

He leaned back slightly in his chair. "I thought you wanted more time."

"I did. I wasn’t ready then." Vivian held his gaze, hoping he understood the difference.

"I am now. Spending time with you yesterday helped me understand that I want to take this step, even if I can’t predict what everything between us will look like afterward."

He remained quiet for a moment, and she wondered whether he was trying to decide how to respond or simply making sure he had understood her.

"Vivian, I don’t want you doing this because you think you owe me something."

"I know." She moved around the desk until there was less distance between them.

"You haven’t asked me to do it, and you haven’t pressured me. That’s part of why I’m comfortable telling you now."

"Are you sure this is what you want?"

"Yes, Damon. I’m sure."

Her answer came more easily the second time. She had spent enough time considering the decision, and she didn’t want him to mistake her nervousness for uncertainty.

Damon stood up from his chair. He was close enough now that she had to tilt her head slightly to meet his eyes.

"All right," he said. "Then we don’t need to make it more complicated than it is."

She looked down briefly, gathering her courage, then reached for his hand.

"There’s something else," she said.

"What?"

"I’ve never kissed you."

One corner of his mouth lifted. "I had noticed."

She gave his hand a small squeeze. "You could at least pretend that was an important revelation."

"I can try, if you’d prefer."

"No, don’t. You’d probably make it worse."

He laughed quietly, easing the last of her nervousness.

She looked at him, suddenly aware of how close they were. She had wondered what kissing him would be like, but she’d never let herself dwell on it.

Now she wanted to find out.

"Damon?"

"Hmm?"

She rose onto her toes and kissed him.

It was brief and a little tentative, more a question than anything else. She drew back just enough to see his expression, suddenly conscious of her heartbeat and the fact that she had made the first move.

He looked at her for a moment.

Then his hand settled gently against her cheek.

"Was that what you wanted?" he asked.

She felt her face grow warm, but she didn’t look away. "I think I’d like to try that again."

This time, Damon leaned down and met her halfway.

The second kiss was slower. Vivian closed her eyes and let herself concentrate on the warmth of his hand against her cheek and the unfamiliar closeness of him.

She had imagined their first kiss before, but the reality felt more personal than any scene she had pictured. She didn’t need to worry about how she looked or what she was supposed to do.

For once, she could simply enjoy being close to him.

When they separated, she stayed beside him, her fingers still curled around his hand. She had made this choice because she wanted to, and she felt more certain of it now than she had when she entered the study.

Damon brushed a loose strand of hair away from her face.

"So," Vivian asked, a little shy despite her effort to hide it, "what happens now?"

"That’s up to you."

She looked at him for a moment, then smiled. "I’d like to spend the rest of the afternoon with you. Somewhere a little more private."

Damon took her hand. "Come on, then."

They crossed the hallway together and stopped outside his room. Damon turned toward her, giving her one last chance to change her mind without making a fuss about it.

Vivian answered by leaning up to kiss him once more.

He opened the door, and she stepped inside beside him.

The door clicked shut.