Chapter 39: Scum and Sister

Chapter 39: Chapter 39: Scum and Sister

Jared stood in front of Zoey with his hand still half raised, as if he’d forgotten to put it down.

A strange, cold stillness had settled over him. The clock ticked on the wall. Somewhere beyond the door, a muffled roar rolled through the arena and died away.

’We’re not?’

He stared at the side of her face. She was looking at the floor now, one foot nudging a loose bit of grit across the tiles. Her braid had come undone on one side.

He lowered his hand slowly. He slid it into his pocket, and forced a smile onto his face. It felt like wearing a mask that didn’t fit.

"Wait," he said. "You mean you got that scum Julius to take you in?"

Zoey flinched at the word.

"That must have been something," Jared went on, in a bright, careful voice, a voice he’d learned at the hospital, the one he used on families who were being told what they didn’t want to hear. "Wow. Congratulations. That’s huge. I’m really happy for you."

[You’re not happy for her,] the system said.

’I... I ... I am.’

[You’re chewing the inside of your cheek.]

It wasn’t true. Every word out of his mouth tasted like paper. Inside his head, a small, furious voice was screaming. Scum. That scum.

The man who might have stolen his dragon. The man his sister had just chosen.

’And I’m smiling at her.’

"Well," Zoey said. "It’s not that simple."

The confident girl who had pushed him out of the dirt and sworn at him in the yard had vanished. In her place stood someone shy, hesitant, a little afraid.

"It’s just," she said. "I got offered by both of them."

Jared blinked. "Both?"

"Julius and Karl. They both came up to me afterward. They both said they’d take me." She swallowed. "So I had to pick. And I simply selected Julius over Karl."

She glanced up at him, quickly, then back down.

"You understand, right?"

Jared’s jaw tightened.

It was a very small movement. A muscle jumped in his cheek. He was trying so hard not to look angry that his face had gone stiff, like a statue carved by someone who’d never seen a smile.

[You’re doing wonderfully,]

[You look like you’re taking a shit.]

’Shut up.’

"It’s fine," he said.

"Is it?"

"Yeah. It’s fine." He nodded, too fast. "I mean, there’s no way you knew I got in with Karl. You were in there fighting that thing. You couldn’t have known. I guess I can’t blame you."

Zoey bit her lip.

"Well," she said slowly. "I did know."

The words dropped into the room like a stone into a well.

"What?"

"I knew you were with Karl." She still wasn’t looking at him. "I asked. When they came to me. I asked who’d taken you, and they told me."

Jared stared at her.

"It wasn’t an easy decision," she said, in a rush. "I swear. I thought about it for a long time. But you know how I feel about Julius. You know I’ve always..." She stopped, and pressed the heel of her hand against her forehead, tugging at her singed hair. She dragged her fingers down her face. "I tried. Okay? I tried to pick the other one. I really did. I stood there and I couldn’t do it."

"You tried," Jared said.

His voice came out strange.

"You tried?" He repeated much louder this time.

"Jared..."

"You tried?" He took a step back. His hands came out of his pockets. "That’s what you’re going with? You tried?"

"I..."

"That’s not how you feel. That’s infatuation."

Zoey’s mouth fell open.

"You’re infatuated," he said, and the words kept coming, hot and ugly, tumbling out before he could stop them. "That’s what that is. That’s all it is. A stupid crush on a guy in a documentary and a couple talkshows. You don’t even know a thing about him."

"I do know..."

"You know what he looks like. You know what the cameras showed you. You know what he said in an interview." He swept an arm toward the arena door. "You’ve never spoken to him. You don’t know what he’s like when no one’s filming. You don’t know what he’s capable of."

"Jared, please, I..."

"You don’t know anything about him!"

His voice cracked on the last word, loud and raw. Zoey flinched, a tiny, involuntary jerk, as though he’d slapped her. Her eyes were wide, glassy.

She opened her mouth. She tried to continue explaining. She got halfway through a word.

He turned and walked out on her.

"Where are you going?" she called.

"I need some air," he said, without looking back.

His boots rang down the corridor. A door banged. Then silence.

* * *

Zoey stood alone in the empty hall.

She didn’t move for a long time. The clock ticked. Her hands hung at her sides, trembling slightly. A single tear cut a clean line through the ash on her cheek.

’I messed up.’

She knew it. She knew it the moment he’d said the word scum. She had seen it in his face, the flash of something raw and wounded, there for half a second before he’d hidden it. He had been hurt. And she had done that.

She sat down on the bench where he’d been waiting. It was still warm.

’It’s not like I wanted to hurt him.’

She hadn’t. That was the cruel part. She had spent the better part of an hour agonizing over it, standing in a corridor with two of the most powerful beast new masters in the country, wondering how to say no to one of them. She had imagined a hundred ways to tell Jared. None of them had come out right.

’It’s not like we won’t see each other, anyway,’ she told herself. ’We still live in the same house. We’ll eat breakfast together. We’ll drive to the guild together. It’s only a team. It’s not the end of the world.’

It sounded reasonable. It sounded fine.

She didn’t believe a word of it.

* * *

Outside the main building, Jared walked across the stone plaza with his head down, hands jammed in his pockets.

He walked to the edge of the plaza, turned, and walked back.

Then he did it again.

He paced. Back and forth, back and forth, in a tight, restless line, like a caged animal. His jaw was clenched. His shoulders were stiff. Every few steps, he muttered something under his breath, something too low to hear.

"I can’t believe it," he said at last.

He stopped. He stared at nothing.

"I can’t believe it."

[You said that already.]

[Twice.]

He raked a hand through his hair and let out a long, shaking sigh.

’Julius. Of all people. The one man who might...’

He bit the thought off.

’And I can’t tell her. I can’t tell her why I think he’s dangerous. I can’t say, I think he might be the one who took my dragon. Because I have no proof. And she’d hate me for saying it.’

His fists clenched.

’She’s walking into his team. Under his command. Fighting beside him. And I’m going to be on the other side of the building, in a different team, with a different captain. I won’t even be able to watch her back.’

Another sigh, longer this time.

"I haven’t been this hurt...." he said quietly.

It was true. He hadn’t. Not when the doctor told him he wouldn’t make it. Not even when the gem hit the owl’s talons and he stood there screaming at the dark.

This was different. This was a quieter kind of hurt, as though something small and tender had been pulled out of him without his permission.

[Oh, please,]

Jared stiffened.

[Your pseudo sister hurt you. That’s all it is. She picked a different guild captain. It happens every day. You’ll get over it.]

’Pseudo.’

The word landed hard.

’She isn’t pseudo.’

"Yeah," he said, out loud, in a low, rough voice. "She’s my sister, after all."

[Is she?]

"She is."

[Fine. Your sister.]

"She is."

Tears were forming in his eyes. He felt them rise, hot and stinging, and he turned his face away from the passing crowds. He blinked hard.

His hand drifted to the pouch at his belt.

The gems lay inside. He wrapped his fingers around the leather, gripping it like a lifeline.

He sniffed, hard.

"I didn’t come here for relationships anyway," he said. "I didn’t come here to make friends. I came to..."

He stopped.

The words hung unfinished in the warm air.

’I came to what?’

He didn’t know. Not anymore. For almost a week he had thought he knew. To survive. To be the Greatest. To start fresh. Now the list kept changing, and none of the answers fit.

"I came to..." he tried again.

"Jared!"

The voice rang across the plaza, bright and a little breathless.

He turned.

Zoey was standing at the top of the steps, hand shading her eyes. Her face was composed, a bit pale, with a faint redness around the eyes. She looked like someone who had put herself back together with a lot of effort and a little tape.

"There you are," she said. She descended three steps and stopped. Her gaze flicked to his face, then away. "Briefing. The captains need us."

Jared wiped his eyes with the back of his wrist.

He took a breath.

"On my way," he said.