Chapter 37- I wonder sometimes...

Chapter 37: Chapter 37- I wonder sometimes...

Alaric put his arm through the sleeves of a black dress shirt and buttoned it up to his chin. He turned towards the edge of his bed and grabbed the pure black coat, shoving his arm through the sleeve. He paused and before letting the tails fall back against his legs. It looked a little odd since his broken arm wasn’t inside of the sleeve, but there was nothing he could do at this point. He reached under his bed and pulled out a pair of dress shoes and shoved his feet into them. He stood up straight and glanced towards his desk in the corner of the room. He walked up and dragged the black tie off its surface, throwing it around his neck before tying it tight. Once on, he grabbed a short black top hair. He placed it over his head and tilted the crown of the hat down and over his eyes. He let his arm fall to his side and stood still.

Today was the day. Arthur’s funeral. He turned towards the door and quickly swiped his foot off the desk, shoving it into his black dress pants. He grabbed the knob and pulled the door back and stepped out.

Of course he had planned to travel with his parents towards the funeral home, but he also wanted to go with some friends, and so he invited Clorissa and Aluxio, who fought alongside Arthur during that team event. He considered calling Odessa and even Faxon, but considering they didn’t know Arthur like that, he didn’t want to burden them. He figured those two were enough for now. He walked downstairs and looked towards the kitchen, where his mother was fixing some coffee already dressed in her attire. She wore a pure black dress with a knee-length skirt and black heels. She lifted her head from the mug and turned towards the foot of the stairs where Alaric stood. She smiled softly as he walked closer, stopping short. She reached up and placed her hands on his shoulders. She said no words.

But, she paused and her mouth opened slightly. She looked up at his face, or what little she could see from behind his hat. He was never a hat person, especially considering he loved his white hair. "...Alaric?" She whispered as she slowly reached up towards the low hanging hat.

He jumped as the crown began to lift, but a doorbell reverberated through the room, causing her to stop momentarily. She gasped softly before looking towards the door, "Oh!"

"I’ll get it." Alaric whispered, stepping past her straight for the door. She debated reaching for his arm, but decided against it, instead going to focus on her coffee.

Alaric grabbed the handle and pulled the door towards him, as Clorissa stood outside, her hands folded neatly in front of her, dressed in a minimal suit, which was a black blazer, dress pants, and heels. She wore a small pillbox hat which sat on the left side of her head. She blinked towards Alaric, he turned his head away from her. She stepped forward and grabbed him by the forearms, squeezing them gently.

"...Thank you for coming." He said, as he turned and looked further into the home, "Come in." She let her hands slip away and stepped past him. He closed the door and followed behind, "Aluxio didn’t come with you?"

Clorissa turned and shook her head, "No..." She walked alongside him, "He mentioned needing a bit more time, and said he’ll just meet us at the funeral home, and he hopes that’s okay..."

Alaric lowered his gaze towards the floor, and simply nodded. "...Yeah, that’s okay." They eventually reached the living room and Clorissa took a seat. Alaric stood nearby and turned to glance at the kitchen before looking towards Clorissa’s shoes, "...Can I get you anything?" Clorissa lifted her eyes and shook her eyes, "Ah, no..."

"Oh! Is this your friend?" Alaric turned towards the entrance into the kitchen, and his mother stood there. "...Yes."

Clorissa quickly stood and bowed, "It’s nice to meet you, Mrs Vandale. My name’s Clorissa Snow."

Alaric’s mother smiled and blushed faintly, "Isn’t she a sweetheart!" She placed a hand on her cheek wiggling in place, "My boy really knows how to find such cute girls!"

Clorissa paused, her mouth hanging open as her face flushed red, "T-Thank you ma’am..."

Alaric was silent before turning to look towards the upstairs room, "...Is dad ready yet?" He asked softly as his mom snapped out of it, turning to look towards him, "Almost. It should only take a few minutes." She paused and looked towards Clorissa again, "Wait, didn’t you mention someone else?" She asked softly as he nodded faintly and turned towards the door. "...He said he’d meet us there. We don’t need to wait for him." He answered before walking towards the door, "...I’ll wait outside. You don’t have to come with him." He quickly said, before throwing the door open and stepping out, letting it shut behind him, sealing off their voices. He let the cold air wash over him and he walked towards the truck his father drove. He leaned against it and folded his arms as he waited, glancing towards the door. He sucked in his breath and let his eyes drift close. It drew ever closer, and he wondered how ready he was.

...

And just like that, his father had finished everything and they were ready to depart. Everyone had taken their seats inside of the truck and drove out of the driveway, heading straight towards the funeral home, which wasn’t far at all. The drive was mostly quiet, save for faint music playing on the speakers from the radio.

Alaric sat in the back alongside Clorissa, the two sitting closely together, their legs pressed against each other faintly. Alaric had requested it, after all, he didn’t have the energy to be embarrassed about it, and that clearly didn’t bother Clorissa at all. The drive there was short, and the funeral home was packed, but luckily that had a parking spot reserved for them right next to Arthur’s parents and family. The car came to a stop and shut off, drowning them in silence. Alaric was the first to exit the car, opening the car down and stepping out onto the concrete. He looked out and watched as people were exiting their cars towards the entrance of the home. HIs lids drooped slightly and pushed the crown of his hat a bit further. He turned and suddenly Clorissa was next to him.

"Do you...?" She whispered and held up her hand, just above the cut off point of his limited vision. He closed his eyes and grabbed her hand, their fingers locking together as if they were two opposing magnets. A jolt raced up his arm, and he wasn’t sure if she felt it as well, because she didn’t seem to react outwardly. Regardless, he pushed it away and let their arms fall to the side. They walked towards the entrance, staying behind Alaric’s mother and father, who had their arms looped through each other. Alaric slowed down and Clorissa did the same, they had to wait for Aluxio, who still didn’t seem to be there.

With a quick word to his parents and reassuring them that he can find his way, they walked inside and the pair remained outside. Alaric was completely silent while Clorissa hummed to herself next to him.

Alaric was bouncing his leg against the ground, he wasn’t unable to sit still. He kept looking up, watching for when Aluxio would eventually show up. But luckily that wasn’t long, as he stood showed up, but not dressed in the usual all black. he was dressed in a navy blue suit and matching pants. His hair was down and past his shoulders, different from his usual ponytail. Alaric stood up straight, "...Aluxio." He called out as he made his way towards the pair, "Hey, sorry I’m late."

"...Not at all. You’re on time. They might be ready to start." Alaric whispered as he turned towards the entrance, "...Let’s go... my parents got us seats together." He pulled Clorissa along, who barely had time to even greet the boy! Aluxio blinked and quickly rushed after him. It was like he was intentionally rushing the conversation...

They arrived and most people had already been seated. As Alaric had said, up at the front, were seats reserved for family members and friends. They were located at the end of the row, where his parents sat. They walked up and as Alaric walked towards the seats, it was faint, but from under the crown of his hat, he could see the... casket. This would be an open casket ceremony, he wasn’t sure if he could handle that, but... He sat next to his mom, who looked towards him and smiled softly, putting her arm around his shoulder.

He debated whether he should tell her to let go, but, in all honesty, she probably wouldn’t listen, no point making a fuss now. He lowered his head, his chin pressing into his chest, letting the music pour into his ears. He was honestly wondering if one would talk about it... his hat. He knew it was proper to remove it, but... can’t he do this? Just this once? At least let him have something...

Soon, the proceedings happened, people from Arthur’s family stood and gave their own words about him, parting or otherwise. Alaric didn’t have the heart to look at them during it. Most of them had only a few words about Arthur, about how energetic he was going up, how crazy he was about what system he would get when he turned ten years old... and of course, his talk about wanting to become the strongest in the world.

"Alongside his best friend... Alaric Vandale."

He stayed still and could feel eyes on him, but a pair of eyes stared daggers into his body. He knew the culprit, and couldn’t bear to handle the intense weight behind it. He remained behind his hat. It wasn’t long until everyone had finished speaking and this portion would end. But, to end everything, they would open the casket, and everyone would get a last look before the burial. The front row started, but he remained seated. His mother stopped and looked towards him, "Are you alright, baby?" She asked softly as he turned his head away, "...I’m fine. I want to... wait until everyone is done, and gone..." He whispered and she blinked, watching him for a bit longer before respecting his wishes and walking towards the casket.

He stayed true to his word and waited until everyone was out of the room. He knew he had a short amount of time by himself until the officials came to take the casket to prepare for the burial. He stood and walked up, his eyes glued to the floor. He walked slowly, each step growing increasingly harder. The walk felt impossibly long, until he peered down and Arthur’s peaceful face was all that stared back at him. His eyes were closed, and his face was impossibly pale.

How could this be the boy who screamed about being the strongest at him? There was honestly no way. He turned and.. finally he pulled the hat away, holding it next to him. His eyes... were bagged and swollen red. They were empty and vacant.

"Arthur." He croaked as he felt his shoulder drop. "..."

He didn’t know what to say at first, but... there was no audience. But, he had to be quick. "I... I’m sorry... for everything that happened." He felt his nose become running, nearly spilling over his lip. "I know I was stupid... clearly I always have been." He waved out, "I knew the risks, you warned me about them..." He sucked in his breath and tightened his fist, "But... did I really? Did I know the risks? If I truly understood... I wouldn’t have brought you along! I would’ve gone alone and maybe you would still be here with me!" He screamed. He stepped back, "It would’ve been me! It SHOULD’VE been me! You didn’t deserve any of this!!" Tears began to rapidly spill down his cheeks and his throat began to close up.

"...Please. If there’s anything I want from you. Don’t hate me for keeping the truth from everyone." He let his hat slip from his grasp, letting it fall silently to the ground. "I won’t have anyone if I do. And maybe I deserve to be alone after what I did... but..." He looked down. "I wonder sometimes... is it okay to be selfish just one more time?" He asked softly, though he wasn’t sure who he was talking to. HIs salty tears continued to spill, splashing against the ground. His heart was spiking rapidly and he was sure he would break down at any moment. But... he couldn’t. No.

He grabbed his hat and placed it back over his head, tilting down the crown over his eyes.

"Maybe one day once I’m stronger, I can tell everyone. And... then I can be alone for good, like I deserve. I hope you can forgive me one day, best friend."