Chapter 403 — A Curse or A Blessing? (11)

Chapter 403: 403 — A Curse or A Blessing? (11)

Would he still look at him the same way if there were nothing beautiful left to admire?

Raniel’s fingers tightened around a handful of silver strands. He hated that he was thinking about such things, hated that Vincent’s words had managed to find their way into the small, fragile part of him that still believed he deserved to be loved.

But what if Vincent was right?

What if Ilyan had only loved him because there was something about him worth loving? What if, one day, the alpha finally realized that there was nothing special about the person he had chosen?

Raniel lowered his head, his hair falling over his face as he struggled to hold back the tears gathering in his eyes.

He didn’t want to lose Ilyan.

He had already lost their child. He had lost the little future he had imagined for the three of them, the happiness he had barely dared to dream of before it was taken away. He couldn’t bear the thought of losing the only person who had ever made him feel as though he was not a monster, but a living being with emotions.

If changing something about himself could test Ilyan’s sincerity, then perhaps he should try.

The thought was foolish. He knew that much. Yet, the more he thought about it, the more difficult it became to dismiss.

Raniel lifted his head and looked toward the small mirror in the corner of his room. He rarely paid attention to his reflection, but tonight, he found himself staring at the silver hair framing his pale face.

Would he like me with short hair?

He imagined himself with shorter strands, his neck no longer hidden beneath their length. Perhaps he would look different. Perhaps, for once, he could become someone who didn’t remind himself of all the things he hated whenever he looked in the mirror.

He would, right?

His fingers trembled as he touched the ends of his hair.

Ilyan loves me for me. He said so.

He repeated those words in his mind, desperately holding on to them as though they could keep the doubts from swallowing him whole.

Ilyan had said he loved him, and Raniel wanted to believe him. He wanted to trust that their love was stronger than his fears, stronger than Vincent’s cruel words, and stronger than the shame he had carried for most of his life. He wanted to believe their love was so strong that no one—no one—could ever tear them apart.

But wanting to believe something and being able to believe it were two different things.

Raniel stood there for a long time, staring at his reflection, until a quiet thought settled in his mind.

Perhaps, if he cut his hair, he would feel a little less like the person everyone hated. Perhaps, if he changed just one thing about himself, he could finally stop feeling so ashamed whenever he stood beside Ilyan. And perhaps, when Ilyan looked at him again, Raniel would be able to believe that he was still someone worth loving.

With that thought in mind, he rummaged through his wardrobe, searching for a pair of scissors. He searched through the drawers as well, but there was nothing. Just when he was about to give up, his fingers brushed against something cold and metallic at the bottom of the wardrobe.

It was a small dagger.

Ilyan had left it there a long time ago, telling him it was for his protection, especially after the incident when Raniel had been taken away and his memories erased. The alpha had wanted him to have something to defend himself with should something similar ever happen again.

Raniel stared at the dagger for a moment before slowly picking it up.

Then, without thinking much about what he was doing, he gathered a handful of his long silver hair and began cutting.

The first few strands fell to the floor.

Snip.

His heart raced.

Snip.

Dread and anxiety crawled up his throat, making it difficult to breathe. His hands trembled as he continued, cutting away the hair that had followed him for as long as he could remember. He wasn’t sure whether he was doing the right thing. He didn’t even know what he would look like afterward.

But he had to do this. He needed to do something before his thoughts drove him mad.

All Ilyan had to do was look at him and tell him he still loved him, regardless of whether his hair was long or short. That was all Raniel wanted. He wasn’t asking for much, was he?

He just wanted to hear those words again.

He wanted Ilyan to smile at him the way he always did, to pull him into his arms and reassure him that nothing had changed between them. He wanted to believe that, even if he changed, even if there was nothing beautiful left about him, Ilyan would still choose him.

And so, he kept cutting.

By the time he finally stopped, silver strands lay scattered across the floor. His long hair, which had once fallen past his shoulders, had been cut short, reaching only to his ears.

Raniel slowly lowered the dagger and turned toward the mirror.

He stared.

He looked so... different.

He barely recognized the person staring back at him. The short silver strands framed his face in a way he had never seen before, exposing his neck and making his features appear unfamiliar. He didn’t look like himself at all. At least, not the Raniel who had spent decades captive within the Temple, hidden behind his long hair and blindfold.

For a moment, he simply stood there, trying to get used to the unfamiliar reflection.

Then, he smiled.

It was a small, uncertain smile, but it was there nonetheless.

Would he like it?

Raniel touched the ends of his newly cut hair, his heart beating faster at the thought of Ilyan seeing him this way.

He will, right? He said he loves me for me.

The door suddenly swung open with a soft creak.

"What are you doing?" Ilyan’s voice came from behind him.