Chapter 123: Moved On Too Quickly
Chapter 123: Moved On Too Quickly
Kaden’s POV
"A game of ’Would You Rather,’" Rebecca murmured, a soft, almost mischievous smile tugging at the corners of her lips. She adjusted the oversized sleeves of my shirt, pulling her knees tightly to her chest. "We take turns, and we have to answer completely honestly."
I stared down at her, my brow furrowing.
"An Alpha king sitting in the dirt under a willow tree, playing parlor games with a slave." My wolf grumbled in the back of my mind, but it wasn’t an angry sound—it was curious. Restless.
"Fine," I grunted, leaning my back against the rough trunk of the tree. "Go ahead."
"Coffee or tea?" she asked instantly, her blue eyes locked onto mine.
"Coffee. Black," I replied without hesitation. "Mountains or the sea?"
Rebecca tilted her head, a stray lock of wet hair falling across her cheek. "The sea. I like the horizon." She shifted slightly on the grass, the hem of my black button-down riding up her thighs. "Would you rather read a book or go hunting?"
A faint huff escaped my chest. "Hunting. Books don’t give you a chase." I watched the way the moonlight hit her face, softening the sharp edges of the stress she’d been carrying for weeks. "Would you rather have a storm or a clear sky?"
"A storm," she said softly, a genuine spark of light dancing in her eyes. "It forces everything to slow down."
For the next ten minutes, the questions flew back and forth. They were simple. Brainless. Safe. With every answer, the heavy, suffocating layer of tension that usually dictated our every breath began to thin. I found myself relaxing, my shoulders dropping as I looked at her. She wasn’t shrinking away from me. She wasn’t looking at the floor in terror.
"Alright, my turn," she said, a playful glint entering her eyes as she leaned forward. "Would you rather walk around naked for a week, or have to wear a giant pink bow on your wolf tail for a whole week during border patrols?"
I blinked at her, completely caught off guard. The mental image of myself—a ruthless, towering Alpha—running the borders with a ridiculous pink bow floating behind me was so absurd it completely shattered my defenses.
Before I could stop it, a low, genuine laugh rumbled straight from my chest. It wasn’t my usual mocking scoff or a dark, bitter chuckle. It was a real, unguarded laugh that echoed softly under the willow tree.
Rebecca froze, her eyes widening in surprise. Then, a beautiful, teasing grin spread across her face.
"You laughed," she whispered, her voice laced with sudden delight.
I went completely rigid, the sound dying instantly in my throat.
"I didn’t know Alpha Kaden could actually laugh," she teased gently, leaning forward just a little.
But I wasn’t listening to her anymore. The world around me completely stopped, suffocated by an icy, paralyzing realization that hit me like a physical blow to the sternum.
I laughed.
For a few minutes out here, I hadn’t been thinking about the border patrols. I hadn’t been thinking about the rogue factions. Worst of all... I hadn’t been thinking about Helen. I hadn’t been thinking about revenge. I had completely forgotten the agonizing void left in my life, simply because I was enjoying the company of the woman sitting across from me.
The woman who was responsible for tearing my world apart.
A wave of pure, unadulterated horror crashed over me, instantly followed by a sickening surge of guilt that made my blood boil. Helen has barely been dead a month. She was cold in the ground, her life stripped away before she could even hold our unborn child, and here I was, sitting in the grass, smiling and playing games like a lovesick teenager with the same person who killed her.
What kind of mate was I? How could I let myself forget, even for a second?
I scrambled to my feet so fast that the sudden movement made Rebecca gasp, her smile instantly vanishing as she shrank back.
"This game is over," I snapped.
My voice didn’t even sound like my own; it was choked, raw with a volatile mixture of rage and deep self-loathing. I wasn’t angry at her—I was furious with myself. I hated the fact that her laughter had sounded good to me. I hated that her smile had eased something inside me I thought had died with Helen. I hated that my wolf wasn’t howling for blood, but was instead settling into the scent of her on my clothes.
"Alpha Kaden?" she breathed, her eyes wide with sudden fear. "Did I—"
"Shut up!" I yelled, the sound tearing from my throat with a raw, brutal force that echoed through the quiet gardens.
Rebecca flinched violently, her breath catching as she stared up at me in absolute terror. The light that had just been dancing in her blue eyes completely vanished.
I was angry. I was so furious my vision was blurring around the edges, but the rage wasn’t aimed at her—it was aimed entirely at myself. I was disgusted that I had been soft with her. I had let down my guard. For ten minutes, I had treated her like a normal girl instead of giving her the harsh treatment and the brutal punishment she actually deserved. I had forgotten her place. I had forgotten my pain.
"Get out," I growled, my voice shaking as I pointed a trembling hand back toward the mansion. "Get out of my sight. Now!"
She looked deeply pained, her lower lip trembling as she looked at me, completely confused by my sudden fury. But she didn’t say another word. She scrambled up from the grass, clutching the oversized fabric of my shirt around her, and ran back toward the house as fast as her legs could carry her.
The moment she was gone, I let out a sharp roar of frustration and kicked the dirt beneath my boots, sending a clod of grass flying into the darkness. I stood there panting heavily, my chest heaving as the cool night air burned my lungs. A wave of intense self-loathing washed over me, making my stomach twist. I felt utterly dirty. Disgusted with my own mind. Disgusted with my wolf for finding peace in her presence.
My feet began to move on their own, carrying me away from the willow tree. I didn’t go back into the mansion. Instead, my boots led me down a narrow, stone-paved path toward the private, secluded clearing at the very edge of the mansion’s grounds—the pack’s royal burial plot.
I walked past the iron gates and stopped right in front of the white marble headstone. The grass around it was perfectly manicured, and fresh flowers sat at the base.
Helen.
I stood there staring at her name carved into the cold stone, the silence of the graveyard wrapping around me like a heavy shroud. The guilt inside my chest grew so large it felt like it was physically crushing my heart.
"You must really hate me right now... don’t you?" I whispered into the dark, my voice cracking with an agonizing pain I had been trying so hard to suppress.
I took a slow, heavy step closer, dropping to my knees right in front of the grave. I pressed my palm against the cold marble, my head bowing as the tears I refused to show anyone else finally burned the backs of my eyes.
"I am your mate. I am your husband," I choked out, the bitter words tasting like ash on my tongue. "I was supposed to belong only to you. Even after death... I was supposed to belong only to you."
I shook my head. "And yet... look at what I am doing. See what I’ve become. I am out here caring for and laughing with the bitch who killed you."
I closed my eyes tightly, the image of Rebecca smiling in my shirt flashing through my mind, making the guilt slice through me all over again.
"Where is the vengeance I was supposed to give you, Helen? Where is the justice for our unborn child?" I asked the quiet night, my fists clenching against the dirt. "I swore I would make her pay. I swore I would break her. But, I let her in. I let her make me forget."
I rested my forehead against the stone, letting out a long, broken breath.
"I am so sorry," I whispered, the weight of my betrayal pressing heavily on my shoulders. "Forgive me, Helen. Please, just forgive me."
I stayed there for a long time, letting the cold ground numb my body until the chaotic storm inside my chest finally settled. My sorrow slowly hardened back into rage. The warmth I had felt under the willow tree was completely dead.
I stood up slowly, wiping my face, my expression freezing into a cold, emotionless mask as I looked at the grave one last time.
"From now on, I’ll make this right," I whispered, staring at Helen’s name carved into the stone. "She is my breeder. Nothing more. Nothing less. I won’t allow myself to forget again."
The words echoed through the silent graveyard.
Yet they sounded empty.
Like a promise I no longer believed.
Like I was standing before my dead mate... lying to her.
No.
Lying to myself.
Because no matter how fiercely I tried to bury what I had felt beneath that willow tree...
A part of me already knew I had crossed a line I could never uncross.
And I hated myself for it.