Chapter 328: Felt His Grief

Rebecca’s POV

​When I opened my eyes again, the room was dark.

​I didn’t move immediately. My body felt heavy against the mattress, weighed down by an exhaustion so deep it felt as though it had settled into my bones. There was a dull, sickening throbbing behind my temples and a heavy ache in my lower stomach that made me uncomfortable.

​My vision swam for several seconds, the ceiling blurring in and out as if I were sinking underwater. The healer must have done something to me earlier, forcing my body into an artificial stupor. But sleep hadn’t brought me any peace. It had only delayed the moment I would have to wake up and remember.

​My hand moved beneath the soft duvet almost without thought and settled over my stomach.

​I stayed like that for a moment, lingering in the twilight between nightmare and reality.

​My fingers froze against my stomach as sleep disappeared completely. I stared at the ceiling, unable to move as the healer’s words came back to me so clearly that it almost felt like she was standing beside my bed again.

​I’m so sorry, but the pup is gone.

​I swallowed, but there was something painful sitting in my throat.

​"No..."

​It came out so quietly that I barely heard myself.

​For some stupid reason, there had been a few seconds after waking when everything was normal again. A few seconds when my mind hadn’t remembered, and my baby was still inside me because I hadn’t remembered that he wasn’t.

​I wanted those few seconds back.

​I wanted to close my eyes, sleep again, and wake up without remembering anything.

​Instead, I slowly moved my hand over my stomach.

​Nothing felt different.

​That was what I couldn’t understand.

​How could something so terrible have happened inside my body when everything still looked the same?

​A tear slipped from the corner of my eye and disappeared into my hair.

​I pressed my hand harder against my stomach and started crying silently.

​"I’m sorry," I whispered.

​I wasn’t sure what I was apologizing for.

​A small movement beside my bed made me turn my head.

​Stephanie was asleep in the chair beside me. She was curled awkwardly to one side, with her head resting against the back of the chair and one hand still lying on the edge of my mattress. It looked uncomfortable as hell. She looked like she hadn’t slept a single minute, her hair pulled back into a messy bun.

​I stared at her for a few seconds, and another tear slipped down my face.

​I didn’t know what time it was now. I turned toward the clock on the nightstand.

​A little after eight. It was night.

​That meant I had slept for hours.

​My eyes immediately went back to my stomach.

​Hours.

​My baby had been gone for hours.

​The thought made my chest tighten again, and I quickly looked away.

​I didn’t want to cry anymore. My head already hurt from crying. My eyes felt swollen, my throat was sore, and my entire body felt exhausted.

​But apparently, grief didn’t care whether I was tired of it.

​The tears came anyway.

​I tried to wipe them quietly because I didn’t want to wake Stephanie, but she shifted almost immediately. Her eyes opened slowly, and the moment she saw me awake, she sat up.

​"Rebecca?"

​"I’m fine."

​The lie came out automatically.

​Stephanie stared at me, her eyes soft with concern.

​"Do you need anything?"

​I shook my head.

​"Water?"

​"No."

​"Are you in pain?"

​"A little."

​Stephanie immediately started getting up. "I’ll get the healer."

​"No." I reached for her hand before she could move. "Please don’t."

​She stopped.

​"I don’t want anyone coming in here."

​"The healer needs to know if..."

​"It’s not bad." I tightened my fingers around hers. "Please, Stephanie. Just stay."

​Her expression softened. "Okay."

​She sat down on the edge of the mattress again.

​Neither of us spoke for a while. Stephanie didn’t ask me how I was feeling. She didn’t tell me everything would be okay. She didn’t say there would be another baby someday.

​Thank the Moon Goddess for that.

​I didn’t think I could handle anyone trying to make this better. There was no making it better.

​She simply held my hand.

​Suddenly, a soft knock came from the door.

​My entire body tensed.

​"Who is it?"

​"It’s me," Mother’s voice answered from the hallway.

​I relaxed slightly. "Come in."

​The door opened, and Mother entered carrying a small wooden tray. The scent of warm broth and herbal tea filled the air, and my stomach turned instantly.

​"No."

​Mother hadn’t even reached the bed yet. She looked at me. "You don’t even know what I’m going to say."

​"If it involves that food, the answer is no."

​"Sweetheart, you need to eat."

​"I’m not hungry, Mother."

​"You haven’t eaten anything since this morning."

​"I’m still not hungry."

​Mother placed the tray on the table beside the bed anyway. There was soup, bread, fruit, and some kind of drink I didn’t recognize. The sight of it made me feel sick.

​"I don’t want it."

​"The healer said you need to keep your strength up and eat something."

​"I said I don’t want it, Mother."

​My voice came out sharper than I intended.

​Silence filled the room. Stephanie looked down at our joined hands.

​I immediately felt guilty.

​Mother hadn’t done anything wrong. She had opened the portal. She had brought the healer. She had held me while I cried. She had done everything she could.

​"I’m sorry," I whispered.

​"You don’t have to apologize."

​"I shouldn’t have shouted at you."

​"You can shout at me if you need to."

​I looked at her, feeling guilty.

​She gave me a tired little smile. "I’m your mother. I think I’m allowed to survive being shouted at occasionally."

​A tiny sound escaped me. It wasn’t quite a laugh. I didn’t think I remembered how to laugh right now.

​Mother pulled another chair closer to the bed and sat down, smoothing the blanket over my legs. Her eyes moved over my pale face carefully.

​"How are you feeling?"

​I stared at her.

​"Physically," Mother corrected gently. "How are you feeling physically?"

​"Like someone threw me down a staircase."

​The moment the words left my mouth, I regretted them.

​The room became quiet again. My chest tightened, and I looked away.

​"I’m sorry."

​"Stop apologizing," Mother said softly.

​I swallowed. "My stomach hurts a little."

​"I’ll tell the healer."

​"No. Stephanie already tried."

​"Rebecca..."

​"It’s not bad. I just don’t want people touching me anymore tonight."

​Mother studied me for a moment before giving a slow nod. "Fine. But if it becomes worse, you tell me immediately."

​I nodded.

​She stayed beside me while Stephanie continued holding my hand.

​I didn’t know how long we sat there before I finally asked the question I had been avoiding since waking up.

​"Did he leave?"

​Neither of them asked who I meant.

​Mother answered quietly, her eyes searching my face. "Alpha Kaden left Stone Pack hours ago. He took his jet and returned to his territory, exactly as you demanded."

​Something tightened in my chest, and I hated it.

​This was what I wanted. I had told him to leave, and for once, he had listened.

​So why did knowing he was really gone hurt?

​Suddenly exhausted all over again, I leaned back against my pillow, completely tired, and closed my eyes, wanting nothing more than to fall back asleep.

​That was when I felt it.

​My breath caught in my throat. It was faint at first, so quiet it was easy to mistake for my own sadness. But as I lay there staring down at my hands, I knew the truth.

​It was the bond. It was Kaden.

​He was far away now. I could tell because his presence felt distant, but the distance hadn’t broken the invisible thread connecting us.

​Pain moved through the link. It wasn’t body pain. It was grief. Deep, heavy, crushing grief that made it hard to breathe. He was drowning in it, and through our bond, his pain was bleeding right into me.

​My eyes opened.

​No.

​I didn’t want to feel that. It wasn’t the sharp, fiery rage I was used to feeling from Kaden. It was a crushing, suffocating grief, so heavy and vast that it felt like an anchor dragging through my soul from hundreds of miles away.

I frowned. ​I didn’t want to know he was hurting. I didn’t want to feel his grief mixing with mine.

​I pushed against the bond instinctively, clenching my fists into the bedsheets, my teeth grinding together as a surge of frustration boiled beneath my numb skin.

​Nothing happened.

​"Kaden..." Laura whimpered somewhere deep inside me.

​I clenched my jaw. No.

​She went silent again.

​"Rebecca?" Stephanie asked.

​I realized my grip on her hand had become painfully tight and immediately loosened it. "Sorry."

​"What happened?"

​"Nothing."

​Mother was watching me too closely. I turned away from both of them.

​Kaden’s grief was still there, bleeding through the link.

​Why?

​Why the fuck did the Moon Goddess think I needed this?

​Hadn’t today been enough?

​I squeezed my eyes shut.

​I hated it. I hated that even now, isolated in my room after losing my child, I was forced to feel his broken pieces. I didn’t want to feel his sorrow. I didn’t want to feel his regret. I didn’t want any connection to him at all.

​Feeling his grief didn’t make me pity him. If anything, it made me hate the bond even more. Because as long as it existed, there would always be a piece of Kaden inside me, reaching me whether I wanted him to or not.

​"Mother?"

​She immediately looked at me. "Yes?"

​"How long?"

​She frowned slightly. "How long what?"

​I opened my eyes and looked directly at her. "How long until I can reject him?"

​Stephanie became very still beside me.

​Mother’s face changed. "Rebecca..."

​"The healer said my body can’t handle it right now. Fine. How long until it can?"

​"You don’t need to think about that tonight."

​"I am thinking about it."

​"You just lost your baby this morning."

​"I know!" My voice rose before I could stop it.

​Mother went quiet.

​I took a breath and lowered my voice, forcing my trembling frame to stay steady. "I know what happened to me, Mother. I know I’m grieving. I know I’m angry. But I meant what I said."

​Neither of them spoke.

​"I don’t want to know when he’s hurting. I don’t want Laura calling for him. I don’t want to wonder where he is every time I feel something through this stupid bond. I don’t want the Moon Goddess deciding that because he’s my mate, I have to stay connected to him forever."

​A tear slipped down my cheek. I wiped it away angrily.

​"I’m tired."

​Mother reached for my hand. This time, I let her take it. Her fingers tightened gently around mine, then she looked at me for a long time.

​"Please."

​Finally, she nodded. "I’ll ask her tomorrow."

​"Thank you."

​I leaned back against the pillow. Stephanie pulled the blanket higher over me, and Mother stayed beside the bed.

​For a while, nobody spoke. Then I closed my eyes while the room settled into silence around me, but Kaden’s grief remained faintly there in the back of my mind.