Chapter 109: I Hate Even More For Saving Me

Aina

The cavernous stone hall of the camp’s temple stood in a sort of oppressive silence. By imperial law, every single territory, pack, and even places like mountain trails and camps within the realm were required to maintain a dedicated place of worship for the Moon Goddess, hence even a camp in the middle of nowhere had a temple.

Unlike the rustic wooden cabins and structures that made up the rest of the camp, the temple was built entirely of cold, dark stone.

At the far end of the hall, a massive circular opening cut into the vaulted ceiling allowed the pale, silvery light of the moon to cascade directly downward. Below it lay a shallow, circular pool of still water, reflecting the moonlight, surrounded by hundreds of flickering, melting candles.

The air was thick with the scent of burning wax, heavy incense, and desperation.

At the front of the hall, Queen Posy stood rigidly, her posture straight as a blade, having mandated that every single student in the camp gather here to pray for her dying son. The pressure was intense on everyone. In fact, a swift messenger had already been dispatched back to the capital hours ago, commanding the high priests in the primary temples to join the continuous vigil.

Aina stood far back in the darkest corner of the temple filled with students, feeling utterly lost and hollow.

Most heads were bowed low in prayer, but Aina simply stared blankly down at the cold stone floor. Her mind was a chaotic storm of static and pain. She didn’t know what to make of the entire situation. They had been standing and praying for hours, some students had grown so exhausted their legs shook beneath them, but nobody dared to speak, let alone sit down. Everyone knew the price for opening one’s mouth or showing disrespect in front of the royal family was instant execution.

Suddenly, a palace guard slipped quietly through the doors, rushing up the aisle to whisper frantically into the Queen’s ear.

The Queen’s eyes flashed and she quickly turned around to shoo all the students away.

"Dismissed," the Queen commanded coldly.

The crowd of students began to shuffle out in a tired, muted mass, eager to escape the stifling atmosphere and get to sit down after hours of slaving away in a prayer for a guy that at some point made their life hell and treated all of them like dirt. As the last person left, including the queen, Aina still didn’t move.

She remained rooted to the spot, standing alone near the back wall, feeling completely detached from the world.

A gentle hand tapped softly against her shoulder.

Aina blinked, slowly lifting her heavy head. "Ally?" she whispered, surprised to see the rogue girl standing beside her.

"Do you want to light a candle with me?" Ally asked quietly, her eyes filled with a sympathetic sorrow. Aina swallowed the tight lump in her throat. "Oh... okay."

They walked in silence over to the circular stone table that ringed the moonlit pool of water. Ally picked up a long wooden taper, using a nearby flame to light the tip of a candle before handing it to Aina, lighting another candle beside it.

As Ally held another burning stick to a candle, her voice cracked in the quiet air. "I’m sorry, by the way... I’m so sorry for all of this. I’m sure it must hurt. Your mate is dying and all."

Aina shook her head, gently placing a hand over Ally’s wrist. "Why are you apologizing? It’s not your fault."

"I know, I just want to apologize, I know you feel scared." Ally whispered and hot tears stinged Aina’s eyes before she spoke. "It’s just... I don’t know how to feel about this entire situation, Ally."

"I don’t understand," Ally said softly.

"I never liked him," Aina confessed, a sob catching in her throat as the weight of her internal turmoil finally broke through. "Never once. In fact... him saving me has only completely confused me. I hate him even more for this, because it’s making me suffer inside. It’s making me feel like I’m the most terrible person alive. I don’t know what to make of any of this. You know Malric was a terrible person."

"Yeah, he was," Ally agreed quietly, staring down at the flickering water.

"You know, in the same breath, yes he was a terrible person but if he hadn’t shoved me out of the way to save me from Jax, he wouldn’t be lying in a pool of his own blood right now. And I wouldn’t be drowning in this crushing guilt." Aina’s voice dropped, laced with bitter self-hatred. "I will hate him more because if he dies, it’s my fault. And I don’t want to live with the guilt of something I had nothing to do with. I did nothing wrong. None of this is my fault yet it is my fault."

Aina finally broke, tears spilling over her lashes as she let out a choked sob. Ally immediately pulled her into a tight, grounding embrace, resting her chin on Aina’s head.

"It’s not your fault," Ally repeated firmly. "None of this is your fault, Aina. You shouldn’t blame yourself."

"But here’s the thing..." Aina cried, burying her face against Ally’s shoulder, her whole body shaking. "I was stupid. I shouldn’t have thrown that point-sack at Jax. What was I even thinking?! I should have moved. I should have never got out of that lake to begin with! I’m smarter than this. I’m usually smarter than this!"

"It was a tournament," Ally soothed, rubbing her back. "None of us could have known what was coming. You did your absolute best. You won the competition for Team Fang, it’s because of you they won the whole thing."

"And it’s because of me that the main prince is going to die!" Aina wept openly, the terrifying reality crashing down on her. "If everyone in this academy hates me now... soon it will be the entire empire. All the packs from the North, South, East and West, will despise me and I will be the number one target if this boy dies. He cannot die, Ally. He just can’t!"

Ally held her tighter, her own eyes shining with unshed tears. "He won’t. I am sure of it. He is strong... he won’t die."