Chapter 404: Ripped Tape And Crushed Dreams

[SERGEI]

The headstone was as clean as it had been three days ago when Sergei had come by.

He’d been coming by randomly, not just during anniversaries or birthdays. When things got a little lighter, he’d come to laugh with Vitya. To smile with the one man who taught him it was okay to believe in people.

To lean into love and let himself be happy.

Some days were harder than the rest, but today in particular was harder than Sergei had ever thought possible.

So as he lay on the grass, laying his head on Vitya’s grave, Sergei let himself cry as memories that had once been there came back to him.

[Flashback]

"These socks are ridiculous, moya dusha. I will look like a clown if someone sees them," Sergei whined, staring at the banana-striped socks his boyfriend had made him wear.

Yaroslav had already worn his, because they had been caught sneaking out for ice cream again. And the punishment was ridiculous socks that always had Sergei frowning.

You would think he wouldn’t do it again, but Vitya would always catch him and Yaro at the ice cream parlor barely days later.

"Now why would someone look at my boyfriend’s socks while he’s at a meeting?" Vitya snorted, knowing damn well the chances of someone seeing them were a little higher.

It was something he had learned from Anya to make Sergei stay away for ice cream, but his boyfriend still didn’t say no whenever Yaroslav dragged him along with the promise of playing games together after work.

"Your boyfriend?" Sergei asked, smiling from ear to ear, the pout he was wearing long gone.

He knew what he was to Vitya, who he was, but still, anytime Vitya claimed him like that, he would get butterflies and lose his mind for a proper minute.

"Here, sit with me," Vitya said, patting the bed space beside him.

Sergei didn’t complain. He was more than glad to. Hell, if he had to stay here with Vitya for the rest of his life, he didn’t mind at all.

"I love you. Now, tomorrow, always. You know that, right?" Vitya asked, staring into Sergei’s delighted eyes.

"Of course. I love you too. In every lifetime, I want to be with you; I don’t want a life without you," Sergei said, his smile never once leaving.

"You will have a mate, my lyubimy," Vitya said.

Sergei snorted, hard.

"That’s delusional. You’re all I need. All I ever want to be with, regardless of what everyone thinks. I love you. I live for you. Nothing, not even the moon, will take that from me. Besides, the concept of true mates is impossible.

"People like me can never have true mates, because I already have someone who loves me so very much," Sergei said, resting his head in Vitya’s lap, ignoring the fact that he was probably getting late.

"Well, the world could always wait whenever Vitya was involved, and Sergei would never once complain about it.

"My Moskowsky," Vitya breathed softly, running his hand through Sergei’s hair.

The alpha always loved feeling his hands there. Always leaned in for more because Vitya’s hold was the one thing he looked forward to at the end of his day.

And the fact that Vitya called him Moskowsky had Sergei feeling all types of enchanted right now. He’d sworn he would take Vitya’s last name, and he was already letting the people around him know that he was Sergei Moskowsky.

Vitya’s boyfriend.

The man lucky enough to be loved by Vitya.

It was what he said all over.

The news cycle didn’t know Sergei Moskowsky. They knew the man who considered himself the luckiest to be loved by Vitya Gamov.

"You have a mate out there, my Moskowsky... someone who will be perfect for you," Vitya continued.

But Sergei didn’t like the conversation. So he tried to lift his head from Vitya’s lap, but the omega put his thumb in Sergei’s mouth, distracting the alpha. He was always whipped for every part of Vitya. And right now, the scent was messing with his mind.

"I need you to listen to me," Vitya insisted.

Sergei groaned, only giving in when Vitya spread his legs, letting Sergei breathe his scent right from the source. Yeah, there was no saving this alpha. He was right where he wanted to be.

"This is cheating," the alpha grunted, not trying to get up again.

"You’re a high-ranking alpha, my Moskowsky. The highest tier of them all. You will definitely have a true mate. Maybe it will be me. Maybe it won’t be me," Vitya continued, and Sergei froze for a moment.

"I don’t want anyone else. I want you. Once we are married, we will mark each other, and you will be my mate. Besides, those orphanage schools said that alphas like me can choose their mates and be with them forever.

"I want to be that with you. True mate or not. I want you to be my mate," Sergei said, loving the way Vitya was massaging his scalp.

Gods, his omega was really good at this.

"Okay, okay, I won’t talk about some hypothetical true mate then. Let’s talk about us. About me being your mate," Vitya offered.

Sergei’s eyes lit up again as he pulled himself from Vitya’s lap, pulled the omega’s thumb from his lips, only to press his lips against Vitya’s in a passionate kiss.

The omega just smiled in the kiss, because even he knew.

Sergei was down bad for him.

"I’m listening now," Sergei said, like he was really ready for whatever Vitya would say about mates.

"Emotions. Regulations. The bond," Vitya said, and Sergei stared, listening.

"If you feel your mate’s emotions through a bond, regardless of what emotion it is... even pain, you have to promise me you won’t punish yourself for it," Vitya said when they pulled back.

"What?"

"You can’t control everything. You can’t protect everything. You have to trust your mate. And if I am to be your mate, I need you to trust that those days will be harder than the rest, but that I will trust you enough to share them in the bond.

"... Not because I want you guilty, but because I love you so much I trust you," Vitya explained, and Sergei...

God, Sergei stared like the math wasn’t even adding up.

He didn’t understand why Vitya would want to feel pain. Why Vitya would not want Sergei to act on his pain.

"I will protect you. The mate bond protects everyone, true mate or not. I will make sure nothing ever harms you. You won’t cry, ever," Sergei swore, skipping the part where Vitya was telling him about the chaos that came with the bond.

But then Sergei knew.

He’d learned everything the moment he saw Vitya.

He had been taught enough about mate bonds by Rastenkin and Anya, and while he loved everything about Vitya too, a part of him hated the possibility that someday his true mate would be hurt and he would be helpless against it all.

"Oh, you sweet alpha... sometimes life doesn’t happen the way you want it to. And that is okay, you know?" Vitya said, smiling at his alpha, who was sure he would protect him.

"Then I’ll do everything to be better. So you won’t have to be hurt because of me. I’ll protect you with my life," Sergei said confidently.

Vitya looked at the younger alpha softly, and he knew the realm wouldn’t ever be ready for that version of Sergei.

****

[Today]

"You were right... moya dusha... I... I couldn’t save him fr... from myself," Sergei sobbed quietly as the sun went down.