Chapter 156

The moment Li Lan opened her mouth to speak, a brain fog immediately rose in Li Zhuiyuan’s mind.

It was slowly covering his memory and awareness, pulling him back into that particular scene from the past.

Li Zhuiyuan understood.

Even if the dream ghost was panicked and steadily losing control over this place, a dream was still a dream for now. As long as its larger framework had not fully collapsed, it would still keep running according to its preset process.

It was just that Li Zhuiyuan did not like this gradual process very much. He could feel a force obscuring his memory.

It gave him the feeling that someone was insulting his intelligence right to his face.

Since this kind of memory overwrite was irreversible, he would rather it be done in a subtler, more seamless way. Otherwise, it might as well whip up a cloud of dust or send down a bolt of lightning, then switch the scene in an instant and throw him directly into it.

But then another thought struck him, and Li Zhuiyuan suddenly noticed a contradiction. Before the dream ghost had dragged him back into the little pickup truck to listen to the radio as a guest commentator for the program, it should already have pulled him into dreams many times.

Logically, he should already have been worn smooth around the edges. At the very least, he should have been gradually becoming more accepting of this kind of dream, more numb to it.

How could it still need so much time every time he entered a dream to build up his sense of immersion?

So what exactly had you been doing before, dream ghost?

The brain fog was still forming. There were already things Li Zhuiyuan could no longer remember. He could only think as much as possible in the limited time he had left, even if only by relying on the inertia of thought.

It should not be like this.

Li Zhuiyuan admitted that, on a mental level, he surpassed his companions by a great deal.

But he would never arrogantly assume that this alone was enough to make him seem so different inside this dream.

Any phenomenon that defied common sense had to have at least one objective cause.

Li Zhuiyuan quickly replayed in his mind the conversation he had had with the dream ghost in the little pickup truck.

A guess rose in the boy’s heart:

The dream ghost’s softened tone had been directed at him.

So...

was it possible...

that the dream was not only malfunctioning for Tan Wenbin and Yin Meng,

but that his dream,

had actually gone wrong too?

The moment that thought surfaced, the brain fog finished settling over him.

Li Zhuiyuan’s memory froze at a year and a half earlier, back when he had not yet returned to his hometown of Nantong.

His appearance changed as well. He became a little shorter, his face a little rounder. The bodily strength brought by his steady breathing techniques vanished, and the calm yet oppressive presence he had cultivated through experience was wiped away as well.

Li Lan’s embrace was right in front of him. Joy broke over Li Zhuiyuan’s face, and he threw himself into her arms. Mother and son hugged each other.

“Mom, I’m so happy.”

A loving mother and a filial son.

That was what the boy had been like back then. He had not yet given up on hoping for something from his mother. Even though he knew she did not like him, even despised him, he still stubbornly clung to her sleeve and would not let go.

After they separated, Li Lan held tickets in her right hand and took Li Zhuiyuan’s hand with her left as the mother and son walked into the amusement park.

Even though there was no ticket attendant, Li Lan still acted out the motions of handing over the tickets for inspection.

Li Zhuiyuan stood obediently by his mother’s side, his face full of curiosity and longing for the amusement park.

He even edged himself farther in, doing his best not to block the path of other visitors.

Even though, aside from the two of them, there were no other visitors at all.

It was just like in Lin Shuyou’s dream. The closer he ran toward the temple that was on fire, the fewer people he saw on the road. But in that situation, Lin Shuyou would not have noticed such details. His nerves were a little too coarse.

So dreams would simplify some unnecessary things. As long as it did not affect your sense of immersion, it did not matter.

The same thing was happening in Li Zhuiyuan’s dream.

But unlike the kind of simplification in Lin Shuyou’s dream, even if this amusement park had been packed with people, from the perspective of this mother and son, it would not have made much difference whether anyone was there or not.

The two of them were acting either way. Performing for living people, for dolls... or for empty air made no difference.

At the entrance to the park stood a freezer selling cold treats.

Li Lan lowered her head toward Li Zhuiyuan with a smile. Li Zhuiyuan placed one finger against his lips, then unconsciously lifted his eyes to sneak a glance at his mother. The moment he met her gaze, he immediately looked away again.

“Hehe.”

Li Lan seemed to have seen through her son’s little thoughts. She walked over, asked the air for the price, then picked out an ice cream from the freezer.

She paid, took her change, and even said, “Thank you.”

Then Li Lan tore open the wrapper. It was a cute panda-face ice cream bar, and she handed it to her son.

Li Zhuiyuan reached out and took it. He took a bite, then raised his arm. Li Lan bent down and took a bite too.

Talking and laughing, the mother and son began looking for rides to go on in the amusement park.

From a god’s-eye view, in other words from the dream ghost’s perspective, even without any deliberate staging yet, this dream was already eerie enough.

This mother and son were giving an astonishingly detailed pantomime performance in an empty amusement park with no one else around.

The ice cream was quickly finished. Li Zhuiyuan threw the wrapper and the little wooden stick into a trash can, then held out both his hands, looking a little awkward.

Li Lan took out a packet of tissues from her pocket and carefully wiped her son’s hands clean.

When she finished, she even tapped him lightly on the nose with one finger, and the two of them smiled at each other.

What a pity there were no other people around.

Otherwise, this mother and son would definitely have drawn a great many eyes.

A child as adorable, well-behaved, and delicate as a porcelain doll, and a beautiful young mother with extraordinary poise. Every little move they made seemed to define the very meaning of the words mother and son.

The dream here should have been terrifying.

Just as it had been for Tan Wenbin, Runsheng, Lin Shuyou, Yin Meng, and the others who had gone through it.

And in truth, for Li Zhuiyuan, this dream was terrifying too.

Because in those tiny instants invisible to any outside observer, Li Lan’s eyes would reveal a trace of rejection, or the fingers wiping him clean would press just a little harder.

In all those fleeting details, Li Lan’s disgust toward him was laid bare.

What was cruel was that she knew her son could catch them.

What was even crueler was that she knew her son knew perfectly well that she was fully capable of acting flawlessly if she wanted to.

What was cruelest of all was that she did it on purpose. Right when her son was pouring his whole heart into the act, she would make him lose that false warmth and satisfaction he had worked so hard to create.

She was mocking him. She was ridiculing him, as though she were looking at some... self-deceiving little freak.

They might well have been the closest-hearted mother and son in the world.

And because of that, she knew even better how to hurt her son, how to make him feel as though strips of skin were being torn from him one by one.

Every time she saw him start to lose control of his performance because of the trembling in his heart, she would feel a little lighter inside.

“Son, shall we ride the pirate ship?”

“Okay.”

Li Lan went to buy tickets.

The instant she turned away, Li Zhuiyuan raised a hand as though sand had gotten into his eye and began rubbing it gently.

Using his hand as cover, the boy’s eyes revealed a calm, detached look that did not belong to someone his age.

Once the tickets were bought, mother and son stood in line in front of the pirate ship, though there was no one else there.

They even managed to “notice” interesting people and tug on one another to point them out, chatting and laughing about them together.

One would start the thread, and the other would immediately pick it up.

In a warm atmosphere full of excitement and anticipation, Li Zhuiyuan and Li Lan boarded the pirate ship.

The ship began to swing back and forth, the arc gradually growing wider.

Li Zhuiyuan started cheering. Li Lan hugged her son and laughed happily too.

This beautiful atmosphere should have continued.

But for some reason, from Li Zhuiyuan’s point of view, the one-eyed captain wearing a hat on the prow of the pirate ship changed into the image of a white-haired old man.

Though the old man was advanced in years, he was bright-eyed and vigorous, his body still sturdy and strong.

He stood at the prow, ignoring the ship’s swaying and the raging “wind and waves,” smiling at him with warmth and affection.

Look at that smile, then turn and look at his mother’s smile.

The two were the same.

The two were utterly different.

“Little Yuanhou... Little Yuanhou... Little Yuanhou...”

The old man called to him.

Li Zhuiyuan had once heard Aunt Xu, his mother’s secretary, make a phone call to her parents at home. At the time, Aunt Xu had spoken in a very strange dialect.

Aunt Xu had said that his mother could speak that dialect too, but he had never heard her use it. In his memory, his mother had never once called his grandparents back in her hometown either.

The pirate ship reached the largest arc of its swing.

The old man at the prow slowly began to crack apart.

He was breaking, but he was still looking at him. The warmth on his face did not change. He kept calling his name.

Li Zhuiyuan gripped the safety bar of the seat in front of him with both hands and lowered his head.

Li Lan asked, “Are you scared, son?”

Li Zhuiyuan nodded hard. “Mom, it’s so scary.”

Li Lan said, “It’ll be over soon.”

The pirate ship gradually steadied. That round was over.

When Li Zhuiyuan finally mustered the courage to lift his head again, he saw the old man shattered all across the boat.

A hand here. A foot there. Blood everywhere.

And the old man’s head was fixed right on the seat in front of him, staring at him.

Li Lan took Li Zhuiyuan by the hand and led him off the ride. His legs were a little weak as he got off, and his breathing had turned uneven.

“Son, do you want to rest for a bit?”

“N-No need.” He would not trouble his mother because of himself.

Any trouble that belonged to a child could be created, but it had to stay within limits, only enough to make the child seem adorable and provide a stage for the mother’s performance.

“Then shall we go ride the bumper cars?”

“Okay!”

As before, there were tickets to buy and a line to stand in.

When it was finally their turn, the two of them got into the same car.

It was a circular arena with many cars inside.

On the smooth floor were painted boys and girls in the distinctive traditional clothing of many different ethnic groups, all holding hands.

When the signal light came on, every car inside began moving, even though there was no one driving them.

Li Lan gestured for Li Zhuiyuan to drive. He gripped the steering wheel and pressed the pedal. The bumper car sped up and quickly crashed into the one in front of it.

“Ow!”

“Ow!”

Mother and son cried out in the exact same way.

Then he turned the wheel, pulled away, and rammed into someone else.

Bang!

“Hehe.”

“Hahaha!”

They drove around doing nothing but crashing into things, trying to find the best angle, preferably from the side, to slam into other cars. It was as though both mother and son could hear shrieks from the nonexistent people in those cars, and then they would laugh together.

But as he kept driving, Li Zhuiyuan suddenly saw that in the very center of the arena, where there had originally been a painted little girl on the ground, that little girl had climbed out of the picture and sat up.

She was dressed in a red hanfu, very proper, sitting quietly on a small stool with both feet placed neatly in front of her.

She was very still, and very beautiful. Her eyes were unfocused. Even as bumper cars raced past her over and over, she paid no attention at all, only gazing straight ahead.

For some reason, the moment he saw her, Li Zhuiyuan quieted down too.

The boy even shifted slightly to the side, putting just a little more distance between himself and his mother, no longer sitting as close to her as before.

Li Lan asked, “Are you tired?”

“Mm.”

“Then Mommy will drive.”

Without waiting for Li Zhuiyuan’s reply, Li Lan reached out and seized the steering wheel, then slammed her foot down on the pedal.

This time, instead of crashing into other cars, the bumper car drove straight toward the middle of the arena.

It was going too fast. There was no time to react. Li Zhuiyuan’s eyes widened, and then he saw the girl run over beneath the bumper car he was riding in.

The boy’s body began to tremble.

Li Lan kept driving, stepped on the reverse pedal, then crushed over the girl once more.

The boy clenched his fists so tightly that his carefully trimmed nails dug into his flesh.

Li Lan drove over her yet again.

The boy threw his head back, overwhelmed by a suffocating sense of pressure.

Li Lan said, “Son, isn’t Mommy driving well?”

The boy gritted his teeth, eyes shut tight.

Li Lan rolled over her again and again, back and forth without stopping.

“Son, how’s Mommy’s driving?”

“Son, isn’t Mommy amazing?”

“Son, what’s wrong with you today? Have you gotten this timid?”

The ending bell rang.

All the bumper cars came to a stop.

The nonexistent people on the cars began getting out and leaving. Whether “adults” or “children,” all had expressions of lingering satisfaction on their faces.

Normally, bumper cars were among the more expensive rides in an amusement park, and the ride time was not long at all.

Li Lan asked, “Son, shall we go again?”

At a time like this, one person could stay in the car while the other went to pay, and then they would not have to line up again.

Li Zhuiyuan opened his eyes. In his vision, the center of the arena had become a sea of red.

That hanfu, already red to begin with, had long since been torn to pieces from all the repeated crushing.

He did not know why, but just now, countless times, he had felt an urge to vent. He had wanted nothing more than to tear the human skin off his own body with his own hands, and then rip the human skin off the woman beside him as well.

He wanted to stand here just like that, bloody and raw, and face her, face this world.

Because he could not bear this pain that made no sense.

But every time that impulse reached its breaking point, his forehead would feel a cool, soft touch gently stroking it.

Again and again, it smoothed away his furrowed brow and pulled his mind back from the edge of collapse.

He did not know why this cliff had suddenly appeared before him, and he did not know why there was a rope tied to him, stopping him from jumping.

But he treasured that rope, like a drowning person finally grasping a thread of fresh air.

Then he turned his head and looked at his mother beside him, still eager to keep playing.

A smile appeared on Li Zhuiyuan’s face as he answered,

“Okay.”

Li Lan handed Li Zhuiyuan a large bill. It was enough for more than just one extra round.

Li Zhuiyuan climbed out of the bumper car and walked to the unattended ticket booth. He handed over the money, smiled at the empty air in front of him, then stepped aside and pointed toward the bumper car where his mother was sitting.

Then Li Zhuiyuan ran back and got into the car again.

During that trip there and back, the soles of his shoes made sticky squelching sounds, each one scraping painfully against his eardrums.

“Mom, it’s done.”

“Good, let’s keep playing.”

“Okay.”

“You drive this time. Mommy will rest for a bit?”

“Mm!”

Li Zhuiyuan took hold of the steering wheel and placed his foot on the pedal, ready to go.

He had already sensed that deep inside himself, it seemed as though a large piece was missing.

He did not know where that piece had gone, but he could keenly sense that it was still continuing to exert its influence.

This seemed to be a tug-of-war.

At the other end of the rope, it did not seem to be only his mother.

And in the same way, it felt as though there was another figure standing beside him as well.

There were no clues, no known information. He only knew that he could not lose.

The signal light lit up again, and a new round of the game began.

Li Zhuiyuan drove the bumper car and started crashing into the others.

At first, Li Lan only watched her son play with a smile. But after a while, she seemed to notice that he was only crashing into cars around the edges, so she pointed toward the center.

“Son, over there. Go over there.”

Li Zhuiyuan turned to look at the center. He saw the girl in the red hanfu there again, still sitting on the stool, her embroidered shoes set neatly before her.

The boy turned the wheel and drove toward her.

The violent trembling in his heart surfaced once more. He began to shake again, trembling from the depths of his soul. That powerful urge to tear everything off his body rose up again.

But at that moment, the girl smiled at him.

In that instant, Li Zhuiyuan went still. He smiled too.

Bang!

He crashed into her.

Li Lan asked, “Having fun?”

Li Zhuiyuan answered, “This is really fun.”

Li Lan said, “Then hurry and back up.”

Li Zhuiyuan replied, “Okay, Mom.”

Crash after crash, crush after crush. Each impact brought another tremor in his heart. But as the number of times increased, the resistance in his heart slowly began to fade.

Throughout this entire round, Li Lan never took over the steering wheel.

And in the next round, and the round after that, the boy drove every time.

He shouted loudly. He laughed happily. By the end, his face was drenched in sweat from how much fun he was having.

At last, it was Li Lan who said, “Son, take a rest.”

“Okay.”

Li Zhuiyuan let go of the steering wheel, leaving behind two wet handprints.

Mother and son got out of the bumper car and walked away.

On the way, Li Zhuiyuan looked back over his shoulder.

There in the center, the girl was still sitting in the same place.

She did not blame him in the slightest for what he had done to her. She simply kept looking at him, smiling at him. In her eyes, it was as if countless brilliant stars were hidden.

A smile spread across Li Zhuiyuan’s face as well.

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