48: Helping My Stepsister

"If your butthole is all soapy and slippery and loose, cause you just finished violently credit card swiping it with a bar of soap in the shower, and then you sneeze, and the force of the sneeze makes you accidentally power shart a fat, soapy dookie log right down your leg onto the shower floor, do not panic."

"You don't have to furiously waffle stomp it down the drain, or try to pick it up with your bare hands and LeBron James dookie flop it from across the bathroom into the toilet."

"You can just leave it there and say the fat cat took a dump in the shower. And if anyone asks why the turd log is so huge, just say you've been feeding him more."

"The gluteal region is one of the primary fat storage areas in the human body, especially in women, since higher estrogen levels encourage proportionally more adipose tissue deposition in the hips, thighs, and buttocks."

"I observe this in nature when I take your mom on a date to the movies and have to pay for three tickets, cause her double dummy thick jumbo fart balloons take up two whole seats!"

"My uncle Dwight, who has giant nipples that look like cow milkers, told me that some species of fish can walk on land, but I tried it with my goldfish senior donkey dong, and he just dried up and died, and we had to flush him down the toilet."

Early in the morning, Kana walked to school still half-asleep, but she somehow had enough energy to stare at her phone screen. She was walking alongside a female classmate who was completely unfazed by the weird-ass shit she had just heard. Her feed had been 'poisoned' by Kana a long time ago, so she was already used to this kind of shit.

"Still thinking about your Natsuo? Did you spend last night talking to him?" Her friend gave her a teasing look as she asked.

Although she had only seen that boy named Natsuo in pictures, she had to admit that he was really handsome. No wonder Kana, who was usually too haughty to take her male classmates seriously, had fallen for him and couldn't stop talking about him.

"Him? No, that bastard didn't reply to my messages at all!" Kana shook her head, gritting her teeth in frustration.

She had stayed up late the previous night because she remembered the hand Natsuo had left on the fridge. She had gone to his place in the middle of the night to retrieve it and put it in the small fridge in her room. And maybe, just maybe, she had used it for some other purposes.

Though Kana had to admit that it was much colder and more uncomfortable than she had expected.

"Kana, from what you've told me, the man you're interested in is extremely popular. Women throw themselves at him wherever he goes. If you want to win him over, you have to be more aggressive. Otherwise, you'll just fade into the sea of other women surrounding him."

Her virgin classmate, who had zero dating experience, began lecturing Kana in such a confident and experienced tone that she sounded like a dating coach on the internet, trying to sell you a $499.99 online dating course.

'I am not doing enough?' Kana's cheeks flushed red, and she subconsciously touched her lips as she thought about it. She shook her head before clenching her hands into fists, her expression becoming firm.

'In the next mission, I will make him mine!'

...

During lunch break, Natsuo happened to pass by Rui's class. He glanced inside and saw her sitting alone, eating her lunch box. He walked in, tapped the table with his finger, and asked, "You eat lunch alone?"

"Is that a problem?" Rui looked up at him with a blank expression. She took another piece of tamagoyaki and added, "It's delicious. What did you add?"

"A bit of love." Natsuo sat down and said with a grin. His joke earned him the same blank expression from her.

"What happened? Last time I saw you, you were surrounded by people. Did you scare them away with that face of yours that makes you look like a loan shark?"

"I am not that scary!" Rui glared at him with a pout. "It's just that fewer and fewer people talked to me after the first day. I'm all alone now."

She had a downcast expression. She had been feeling completely lonely, and with Natsuo not coming to school, she had no one to talk to. Fortunately, she could still chat with Natsuo on the phone.

"You look like everyone owes you a billion yen. You should try to loosen up a bit." Natsuo took out his bento, placed it on the table, opened it, and started eating as well. "So, what did you say to make everyone avoid you like the plague?"

"Well, when a girl called Chika asked if she could call me Rui-chan, I said, 'Go ahead, call me whatever you want.' It seems she didn't like my answer. There was also..." Rui began telling him about everything that had happened, and the more she explained, the stranger Natsuo's expression became. Finally, he stopped eating and facepalmed.

"No wonder! You were basically telling them to politely fuck off!" Natsuo knew that Rui wasn't good at communicating, but he hadn't realized it was this bad.

"I didn't mean to." Rui put down her chopsticks and looked at him.

"You know, even if you don't mean it, the way you say things can easily be misunderstood. After all, not everyone is as smart and magnanimous as I am." Natsuo reached over and squeezed her cheek, making her glare at him. "Alright, stepbro will help you."

Surprisingly, Rui didn't slap his hand away this time. Her eyes became slightly wet, as if she were on the verge of tears. "It... It's always been this way. Hina-nee can become friends with anyone in no time, but whenever I try to do the same thing, it never seems to go right."

'The older sister is gullible, and the younger one is socially awkward.' Natsuo sighed inwardly. His two stepsisters were really too troublesome, but even so, they were his stepsisters. He was going to help them no matter what.

"Alright, you look so pitiful that I started feeling bad for you. I'm gonna fix your communication problem!" Natsuo stood up and slammed his hand on the desk, declaring it loudly enough to attract the attention of the students around them.

They all stared at him strangely, but since he was a handsome man, he had the privilege of not being scolded for being so loud and disturbing everyone around him.

"Huh?" Rui glanced at him, completely confused.

"Don't 'huh' me!" Natsuo glared at her. "Try to sound a little more girly! Let's start working on how you answer people right now. I'll speak to you as if I'm one of your female classmates, and you answer me."

"Got it?"

"Hmm, let's do it." Rui locked in, placing her hand on the desk and looking at him with utmost focus.

"Hey, Rui-chaan! Which boy caught your eye this year?!" Natsuo clasped his hands together with an overly cheerful smile, acting like a gossipy girl. "That boy, Natsuo Fujii, from the next class, looks sooo handsome! Gosh! I wish he could just look at me!"

"Dafuq?!" Rui stared at him with a look of disgust.

Smack!

"Wrong answer! Try again!" Natsuo immediately smacked her on the head.

"I... I don't have anyone I like yet. They all look childish and boring." Rui resisted the urge to smack him back and forced herself to put on a painfully awkward smile.

"Really?! Rui-chaan, you sound so mature! You must like reading books!" Natsuo kept going, feeling that he was sacrificing far too much for the sake of his stepsister; fortunately, neither Kana nor Chelsea were around to see him embarrassing himself.

"Yeah, I read a lot," Rui replied.

"Really?! What kind of books?"

"You probably wouldn't know any of them."

"Don't just cut the conversation off! Goddamn it! You have to keep it going!"

"Like Smoke, Soil, or Sacrifices by Otaro Maiko."

"Try to smile more often... Ahem! Really? I like all of ImmortalCockrach's books!"

"You mean that stupid harem guy who writes hallowed yandere fanfics?" Rui asked with a very forced smile.

"Don't piss on other people's works while smiling! Yanderes are peak!" Natsuo slammed the table furiously.

Natsuo rubbed the bridge of his nose, feeling completely hopeless. He glanced at her with a speechless look before asking, "Tell me, are you even trying to get me to like you with the way you talk?"

"I am just speaking honestly," Rui answered calmly.

"People don't like hearing the truth! Especially women. Just look at Yusuke Aoki!" Natsuo said. "You have to be considerate. Always shitting on people will just make them dislike you."

"You gotta talk in a way that makes people feel good!"

Rui fell silent for a couple of seconds, as if she were thinking about what he had said, before calmly remarking, "You sound like a patron at a hostess club."

"Who the hell are you calling a club patron?! I'm saying this for your own sake! These are the basics of conversation! And first of all, who would give a single yen to a hostess like you?! Do I look like a masochist to you?!"

"Then I'll have the bouncers beat the shit out of you."

"Dafuq?! That's unfair!"

"Then pay your tab. 100,000 yen."

"100,000 yen? For talking to you?!"

"Do you have a problem? Excuse me, guard!"

"W-wait! I don't have that much. Can I wash the dishes?"

The attempt to get Rui to talk normally had turned into a comedy skit, attracting the attention of the students around the classroom. Suddenly, one girl burst into laughter, and before long, the rest of the class followed suit.

"Huh?" Rui looked around in confusion.

"Oh, jeez. You're actually pretty cheery, Tachibana-san!" A blonde haired girl wiped the corner of her eye and said with a smile.

"What was that skit just now?" another girl asked, still holding her stomach from laughing.

"Hey, Fujii-san, what were you practicing?" another girl approached Natsuo and asked.

'All according to keikaku!' Natsuo gave himself a mental high five before answering the girl, "She wants to make friends, so we were just doing some conversation practice."

"Really? How did that turn into a hostess club skit? Haha!"

"Really? Is that right, Rui-chan?"

In no time, the way the girls addressed Rui quickly changed from "Tachibana-san" to "Rui-chan." They gathered around her and started chatting with her.

"We thought you wanted to be alone all this time."

"In that case, let's be friends!"

"We wanted that, too!"

Seeing so many people willing to become her friends for the first time, Rui's eyes brightened, and her face flushed slightly red. "If you want, I guess."

"Hahaha! I guess that part of you won't change."

This time, the students didn't get offended by the way she talked. Instead, they laughed.

Natsuo slipped out of the classroom with his unfinished bento and walked toward the rooftop with a satisfied smile. This had been his plan from the beginning. He wanted to attract the attention of Rui's classmates and show them that she wasn't trying to be rude. She was simply terrible at communicating and genuinely wanted to make friends.

Even if there were a few unpleasant students in the classroom, there were bound to be some nice ones who would be willing to approach her and become her friends. After all, Rui was a cute girl. As long as she kept her mouth shut, making friends shouldn't be that difficult.

"Fujii-kun!" Suddenly, an overly energetic voice called out from behind him.

"Kitagawa-san?" Natsuo turned around and saw the cute blonde girl walking toward him with a cheerful smile.

"Come with me! I'll show you something!" Marin grabbed his arm and pulled him along as she ran through the corridor. Luckily, there were no teachers around, or they would have been scolded for recklessly running through the school.

She took Natsuo to the school's home economics room. When they entered, she walked over to a sewing machine and picked up a black dress that looked like it had barely been stitched together properly.

"Tada! I made this!"

The moment she raised the dress, the pieces holding it together suddenly started falling apart.

Natsuo and Marin: "..."

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