Day One Thousand One Hundred And Seventy-Five

Dear Diary,

Kinda funny, but this is the first Season I remember where I'm not reeling from the aftermath of some catastrophe or another at the end of the previous Season.

Seriously, counting on my fingers, Artemis clawed my hands, New Amsterdam kicked my ass and scarred the rest of me up, then kicked my own ass and made that scarring worse falling from a great height Curing that same City. Then I kicked my own ass again falling from a great height again, which if I had a nickel for each time it happened I'd have two nickels. Which isn't a lot, but it's strange that it happened twice. Love me some Doc Doofenschmirtz, which ought not to be a surprise to anybody given my nerd kink. At any rate, tore myself up Translocating through my own Anti-Translocation Ward while still recovering from Healing a bunch of Undead kids. Overpowered The Morrigan and my brother Balor before Reviving a Sidhe, which is not an easy task. Got all kinds of tore up killing and eating a Primordial Dragon. Threw my everything out Bobbitting the bulging package off Atlantis and subsequently reattaching it.

I think the Season I wound up holding Loviatar still so my Black Dragon could correct the error of her existence with sixteen inches of Cold Iron was the second least I'd wound up damaged. Because wrestling with Kaiju definitely left me less than fresh. Fighting the Spartans left me in the kind of shape that reminds me that our Phileo Heroes are maybe, on average, not the equal to the average Spartan Hero. Close, and some of ours can beat some of theirs, but I'm not sure who's gonna kill the King of Sparta other than me, and I'm beginning to feel some kinda way about that. That all happened after I beat the shit out of myself at Yule because I was a whiny emo bitch.

Okay, no, I discovered some shit that hit my self-image issues like the perfect storm of self-negation, and I did not deal with it well. It didn't help that me pointing that at myself was a 'nuclear danger close' kind of thing, and I'm good enough at Hide and Seek that even the ladies who can see into my brain can't find me.

Okay, the Season after the Spartans, the one where I dealt with Aphrodite, not to mention rescuing the Maenad captives from Sparta, both of which pissed Ares off, didn't end with me beat to shit. Maybe a little winded. But this past Season was just, I dunno, almost light duty. Mostly just fucking around negotiating with the Thames Pirates, then helping them eject their unwanted houseguest there at the end, and all I did there was some pinpoint lullabies.

While I'm in good physical and mental condition for the first time in what seems like forever, my history, both here and now and back in the day, has left me waiting for the other shoe to drop. Murphy is, after all, particularly good at screwing up karmic rewards, and I think I'm due some maybe. Makes me think that if I ever go up against the man in person, the Fates might give me some kinda reward for unmaking him. Then again, the Moirai seem to have pissed somebody off and come out on the losing end of things, so I'm wondering if maybe I need to find Murphy's address and send him a fruit basket.

I remember why Skuld got younger after that. Some shit went down that caused the end of the world to get significantly further away. Which, given that I enjoy the world and the people in it, means i know which side of that conflict I ought to be on.

Shit. I enjoy the world and the people in it. That's... That's some seriously positive shit for an old school edgy misanthrope like I was back in the day. Then again, I am Beloved Patron Goddess, Mistress, and Wife, not unwanted street kid. So it might be my situation rather than me maturing, but y'know what? I'm just gonna stick with the idea that it's part of me growing up.

Getting back to the unwanted house guest, I realized that before we all went back to work, we needed to talk about her.

So last night, after feeding the kids, which was mostly bulk stuff like fried rice, starchy puffs, and mixed meat and vegetable stew, we got the kids through the Bath and into bed.

Starchy puffs are something Marie and I worked out. i guess they're technically fritters, but we roasted some mixed root vegetables, like carrots, potatoes, yams, sweet potatoes, and beets, then mashed them all up, pressed the water out of them, mixed them with some egg and flour, rolled the dough into balls, chilled them, flour, egg, dredge, repeat, then deep fried them. I think if there were things like 'nutrition information labels' here and now starchy puffs would list the calories as 'yes', but fuck it. Our girls are active, and the ones who eat the most starchy puffs are the ones who eat the least meat, and mostly do the most Shaping, which is calorie intensive.

At any rate, kids in bed, Wives and Concubines in Bed, I proceeded to fill the Bedroom and the ladies within with tentacles. Ladies? Join us in the Bedroom?

Kinda neat thing, I guess, is that habitually saying 'please' meant that when I didn't, the ladies knew it was a matter of some urgency without me getting all loud about it. Which was handy when I didn't want to get loud, even mentally. Moments later my four High Clergy who were neither Wife nor Concubine joined us, and if they were a little surprised by Suddenly Full of Tentacles, none of them squawked about it. A moment after the last of them, Furtim Cauda, arrived, I shoved my Blend around the Bedroom well past 'scrambled cable signal' into 'nothing existed here, ever, in fact here doesn't even exist what are you talking about' levels.

Then I slipped my tentacles back to the very edges of the room, just a solid wall to prevent anybody from stepping through. "Sorry about that, ladies, but now if anyone was watching any of you, they'll assume I wanted some privacy for extra special hentai time."

Saffron, her lower lip jutting out the tiniest bit to make her look way more like the Menace than usual, asked, "so why aren't we enjoying extra special hentai time then?"

I chuckled. "Maybe later, if you're still up for it. We gotta talk about our long tall Sidhe Lady's nemesis."

Everyone except Saffron and Tallulah looked a little wary. Saffron just looked resigned. Meanwhile Tallulah said, "your."

I blinked. "I mean, your nemesis is my nemesis, but..."

"No, I meant I am your long tall Sidhe Lady. Well, Saffron's, Marie's, and perhaps Siobhan's as well." She turned to Karen. "No offense to the rest of you."

Karen just smiled when Furtim Cauda said, "none taken."

"So why are we talking about her again?" asked Siobhan.

I sighed and turned to Saffron. "Show them."

She shared the same memory with them that she'd shown me, and I watched as emotions raced across their faces. Siobhan looked stricken, reaching out a hand to hold Tallulah's. Tallulah herself just looked grim. Karen, Mads, and Orla all looked somewhere between crestfallen and frustrated, like they each thought they should have noticed and sniped the bitch before she rabbited. Meanwhile Marie and Furtim Cauda exchanged a look that promised hunting and retribution the moment they thought I wasn't looking.

Which I had to deal with, I guessed. "Ladies?" I waited until they all looked at me, then made sure Marie and Furtim were paying attention. "You two. No running off on your own hunting her. Don't go making me Commandment you about that." They both bristled a little until I added, "when the time comes, you two and I will go hunting for her together, with the full support of the Alliance and the Thames Pirates." When they still didn't look totally convinced, I sighed and said, "look, right now our biggest advantage is that she doesn't know we know she's alive. The moment we look like we're actively hunting her, we lose that edge. We don't want to spook her until we're sure she can't get away from us.

The two of them both looked a little stubborn until I added, "again."

Marie broke first, chuckling, then oozing her way over to me like a cat do, one arm and claw going around my waist, pulling me to her so she could rub her cheek against me. "Vlickies Wise."

Seeing that, Furtim Cauda slumped down to curl around my ankles and murmur, "Legate."

I scanned across the others, who all looked pretty focused at this point, and rested my eyes on Saffron. "So. Any ideas?"

"A few, but did you have any?"

I shrugged. "We don't know where she went, but we do have two leads. Maybe three. We know she had the fortress in London. We know she claimed to have the throne of the Sidhe Court. That means if we offer some help with cleaning out the fortress, we might be able to get some more clues as to her whereabouts there. We can also touch base with the Sidhe Court, see if they know where she is. Also, I can't imagine The Morrigan would let somebody take her old seat and not have some kinda opinion."

When I stopped talking and didn't go any further, Saffron nodded. "Indeed. If any of you have any other ideas?" The rest of my ladies all shook their heads. "Well then. for the most part our Tentacles can return to their escort duties; we've plenty of Merchant Mariners who need to hit the Europan ports to trade, I think. Possibly the north African ones. Orla? Madeline? Could the two of you handle that?"

"Yes, Imperator," they quietly chorused.

"Tallulah, Furtim Cauda, if the two of you could meet with the Captains Three? They'll mostly need Marines to retake that fortress, and there are no finer Marines in the known world than the Troll Legion. Also I believe Elle needs to speak with them about the new Articles of Agreement for Rich Man's Port?"

Tallulah looked a little confused. "Is that a priority?"

Saffron took a deep breath, and I realized that if there was one topic where Tallulah wouldn't be her absolute most rational self, it was her nemesis. "If our foe is watching any one of us, it will be you. Tabitha as well, for obvious reasons. But if she is here, going about her normal routine until and unless she's called for, and you are obviously focused on Rich Man's Port, that will help sell the illusion that we consider her done and dusted."

Tallulah's confusion melted into a grim smile. "You are right, of course. Forgive me."

Saffron reached over and pulled Tallulah into an embrace. "There is nothing to forgive, Elle. You've reason and more to hate her. Just because you've enough self-control to remain coherent when she slips our net does not mean you're unaffected." She smiled. "I think the last time I was as irate as you have every right to be, I kicked in some walls." Tallulah glanced at the cracks in the Bedroom's wall, and Saffron laughed. "Oh, no. That was our wedding night. Lovely Marie was insistent. No, I meant the City walls of Newark."

"You seemed pretty calm and controlled to me, Kitten."

She just smiled at me, and my lady bits clenched up. "Says the woman who slaughtered ten thousand when she thought me dead that same day. Just because my rage is cold does not mean it is not rage, love."

I nodded. "Point taken. Okay, what about everybody else?"

"I will return to my duties as Imperator, Siobhan will return to the Infirmary, and Karen will manage your Temples in the absence of the four with duties in Europa. Just ordinary cleanup and assisting our allies with theirs. Although at some point in the near future Tabitha should go 'inform' The Morrigan that her throne has been usurped, and once Tallulah has had time to meet with the Captains Three, perhaps she could contact the Sidhe Courts in order to establish diplomatic relations?"

I glanced at Tallulah to make sure she'd caught all that and wasn't stewing in 'must murder the bitch now', but she seemed pretty copacetic with the idea of coming at the bitch sideways, then letting her experience Suddenly Marie, perhaps the new and improved version with a side of Suddenly Furtim Cauda.

"Sounds like a plan to me." I sighed. "That said, the holiday's over, so I guess we all have work in the morning."

"Wait." My ladies all froze at Saffron's single word, then we all pulled together for a hug as she waved us in. When we'd all huddled together in one big group hug, she whispered, "now that the planning is done, I believe extra special hentai time was mentioned?"

I chuckled. "We've all got work in the morning?"

She nodded. "Exactly so. Which means we need our loving Goddess to ensure we are all exhausted enough to sleep despite our recent unpleasant discovery."

"Point taken." I glanced around. "I am absolutely not forcing anybody into that. So, y'know, no shame in your game if you want to head home and hit the hay. Or just aren't up for tentacle madness."

I maybe got a little bit of a surprise when not a single one of them moved in the slightest. That surprise got a little bigger when, after they all smiled at me, looking kinda hungry even, for a solid thirty seconds, Furtim growled out, "waiting."

So I filled the room and the ladies within with tentacles again.

Dreamt of my ladies doing fuck all as they floated around my Maw, lazily dissolving.

When morning came around I hopped down to my Temple in Calverton. Two big surprises there.

First, I'd mentioned a while back that unlike the Phileo Temple of Love's 'upscale restaurant, bar, bordello', the Calverton Temple was sort of 'upscale gym and spa'. I'm not sure why I wound up surprised that the classrooms were obviously, like, those workout rooms with one big mirrored wall, but I guess a classroom is a classroom, and those big group workout rooms were just, y'know, physical training classrooms. Physical Training in the PT sense even. That wasn't the big surprise though. The big surprise was the kids, and by kids I mean grade schoolers all the way up to kids ready for high school, plus one more adult student, fully expected to do some basic calisthenics before we started the academics.

I mean, I teach PT. I obliged. It just surprised me that they not only expected it, they were into it.

Second thing was that adult student, because I hadn't expected Marylin Calvert in class.

When I asked, she just blushed and said, "Orla always helped me with Math. She needed to learn it to understand Shaping, I think? But given how much Shaping seems to be part and parcel of modern life, not to mention so much new engineering and... Well..." She shook her head. "I can't very well make informed decisions about things when I can't even check the math to make sure the people asking me the question aren't ridiculously off base, can I?"

So now I'm teaching a Head of State Algebra and Calculus. Variable Equations and Mor-Mimic Calculations, that is.

Like I said. Not what I expected. But not bad.