Chapter 168: ¹⁶⁸: Only ten days remains.

Chapter 168: 1??: Only ten days remains.

The admission left a bitter taste in my mouth, but I forced myself to accept it. Denying the truth wouldn’t make it disappear, and pretending I was still in complete control wouldn’t change the way Kael’s words had affected me.

"Not when I’ve already paid a price for these feelings once. Not when I know I’m not ready for anything like this." My fingers tightened around the edge of the quilt as I took a deep breath, trying to steady myself.

"From now on, I’ll keep this arrangement strictly about paying off the debt I owe Luna Selene for saving my life. Nothing else."

That was all it needed to be. An agreement with a purpose, a means to fulfill the obligation I had accepted. I didn’t need to turn it into something more, especially when I knew how badly that could end for me.

I turned my face toward the window. Outside, the day was slowly giving way to night, though the last rays of sunlight still lingered beyond the glass, casting a fading glow across my room. I watched them quietly, allowing the changing sky to draw my attention away from the thoughts that had been consuming me.

I had already lost so much. My Pack was gone, my wounds were still a constant reminder of everything I had endured, and I had a past I couldn’t afford to forget or ignore.

"I am the one who lost her Pack," I murmured, my voice growing firmer as I finally looked away from the window. "So I am the one who needs to become strong enough to get it back."

My Pack. My past. My future. Those were the things I needed to focus on, not the confusing emotions Kael had stirred inside me.

"This Chapter with Kael needs to end," I continued, holding on to every word as though I were making a promise to myself. "I need to focus on becoming stronger and finding a permanent cure for my wounds."

That was what mattered now. And whatever feelings I had begun developing for Kael, I couldn’t allow them to stand in the way of what I had come here to accomplish.

"The plan of being heartless enough to make someone fall for me while I simply used them was not my cup of tea after all." I scoffed, finally admitting the truth to myself. "Damian, you were right."

Another tear slipped from the corner of my eye, trickling down my cheek. I wanted to wipe it away, to do something as simple as brush it off my face, but my hand felt limp beneath the quilt. I couldn’t even bring myself to make that little effort.

"You were right. This was a bad idea," I whispered, remembering the very first time Damian had warned me that I would regret making this decision one day.

Back then, I hadn’t wanted to listen to him. I had been so consumed by my desire for revenge that I had convinced myself nothing could stand in my way. I had believed I could make every decision with a clear head, keep my emotions out of it, and walk away the moment I had achieved what I wanted.

How foolish I had been. "The desire for revenge hasn’t turned my heart to stone after all," I murmured, recalling every word Damian had said to me that day. "Or perhaps this is my retribution for wanting to do something so horrible to Kael."

Now that I had begun developing feelings for him myself, I was finally beginning to understand just how cruel my original plan had been.

I had wanted to play with his feelings. I had wanted to make him fall for me, to make him care about me so deeply that he would become the support I needed, all while keeping my own intentions hidden. I had intended to use his emotions for my own benefit without ever considering what it might do to him.

And what had Kael ever done to deserve that?

He had nothing to do with what had happened to me. He wasn’t responsible for the pain I had endured or the mess my life had become. Yet I had still considered making him another piece in my plans, just a person whose feelings I could manipulate to get what I wanted.

For the first part of my motive, at least, I had an excuse. I owed Luna Selene a debt for saving my life, and I had come here to fulfill that obligation while finding out whether Kael was truly the one she had intended me to find.

But the other part of my plan had been different.

I had deliberately decided to use Kael’s feelings for my own selfish gain, to make him care about me so that I could benefit from it. And now, as I lay there feeling the sting of his indifference, I couldn’t help but wonder whether I deserved the very pain I was experiencing.

I had planned to make him feel something he couldn’t control, all while remaining untouched by it myself.

Instead, I was the one lying here with a heart full of confusion and hurt, unable to understand why his words had affected me so deeply.

I brought a hand to my chest, pressing my palm against it as though feeling my heartbeat might somehow help me calm down. My heart was racing beneath my hand, each beat a reminder of how little control I seemed to have over myself lately.

But it did nothing to soothe me. The hurt remained, and with it came the guilt, growing heavier with every passing moment.

Kael’s face kept appearing in my thoughts. Not the cold, distant man who had walked away from me, but the Kael I had seen on those other days. The caring one. The teasing one. The man whose expressions and words had occasionally revealed a side of him I hadn’t expected to see.

Those memories kept returning, making it increasingly difficult to reconcile the person I had seen with the one who had left me feeling so insignificant.

*I was going to hurt him?* The thought made my chest tighten. *I had actually planned to use him?*

I squeezed my eyes shut, hoping that if I refused to see anything, I might finally be able to stop thinking about it. But the harder I tried to push the thoughts away, the more stubbornly they returned. Every attempt to escape them only seemed to make the guilt more difficult to bear.

I couldn’t stay there any longer, trapped beneath the quilt with nothing but my own thoughts for company.

Throwing the quilt off me, I swung my legs over the edge of the bed and got up. My movements were sudden, almost frantic, as though I needed to do something before the thoughts could overwhelm me again.

I hurried toward my study desk and crouched in front of its lower cabinets. Pulling them open, I began taking out the books stored inside, setting them aside one after another to reach the object hidden behind them.

I knew exactly what I was looking for. The book that would allow me to speak to Mother Elena.

She was the only person I knew I could turn to right now, the only person in my life I felt I could talk to about what was happening inside my head.

It had already been over a month since I had last spoken to Mother Elena, and thankfully, I could use the book to contact her again in the same way as before.

I flipped through the pages until I reached the hundredth page, then gently ran my hand over it, hoping she would answer. I found myself holding my breath as I waited, my fingers lingering on the page as though that small gesture could somehow bring her voice to me sooner.

"Athena! How are you, my child?!" The moment her soothing voice reached my ears, an overwhelming sense of relief washed over me. It was so immediate and so intense that I could practically feel it coursing through my veins, loosening the tightness that had settled inside my chest.

"Mother Elena," I whispered, my voice barely audible. I quickly lifted a hand to wipe away the tears on my cheeks, not wanting her to suspect that I had been crying.

"Why is your voice so hoarse, Athena?" Mother Elena asked, concern creeping into her tone. "Has something happened? Is something wrong? Do you need help? Should I send Damian there, honey?"

I shook my head instinctively, as though she were standing right in front of me and could see the gesture. "No, Mother Elena. I’m fine, so don’t worry!" I replied a little too quickly.

There was a brief pause before she spoke again. "Then why do you sound so down?" Her voice softened even further, carrying the same gentle warmth I remembered from that night when she had held me in her arms and comforted me while I cried.

"I... it’s nothing," I said, hesitating as I struggled to find an excuse that wouldn’t invite more questions. "I just missed you. I wanted to talk to someone of my own."

The words came out more honestly than I had intended. I still couldn’t bring myself to tell her what was actually bothering me, to put into words the thoughts and feelings I had been struggling with ever since Kael had walked out of the room.

"Oh, honey!" Her voice reached me again, this time carrying a lightness that told me she was probably smiling. Just hearing that familiar warmth made me feel a little less alone.

"I miss you too. In fact, we all miss you! Damian and I, of course, but even your grandmother was talking about you yesterday. I was surprised myself, considering how she is, you know."

A small chuckle escaped me as I heard the hushed tone Mother Elena used for her last words.

Luna Selene wasn’t someone who liked talking about feelings or discussing whatever might be going on in her heart. Unless she had something important to say about pack matters or another serious concern, she rarely bothered to bring anything up. She certainly wasn’t the sort of person who casually spoke about missing someone.

So Mother Elena’s surprise was understandable. But I knew why Luna Selene must have mentioned me.

She was probably thinking about the eclipse, the very reason she had sent me here in the first place.

And it was only ten days away now.