Chapter 126: Tears and past

Kai could sense Jean’s emotions, and he could tell that she had been anxious ever since he brought up her past. Initially, he believed the uneasiness would fade with time, so he decided to give her some space and wait.

However, even after two hours, when he sensed that her emotional state was only getting worse, he found himself standing outside her room, his hand raised to knock.

And now, he sat beside her on the couch across from the bed, trying to find the right words to comfort her.

Elara was sleeping peacefully in her crib. The cool air and the moonlight streaming through the window lent the room a serene atmosphere, but there was nothing remotely peaceful about the turmoil in Jean’s heart.

"I’m sorry... I could have handled this better."

Jean immediately shook her head. "You were careful. I could tell how hesitant you were to bring it up."

Kai shook his head in response. "Thinking about it now, I realize there were better ways to approach the subject. Instead, I ended up bringing up your past without considering how much it might hurt you."

He turned to look at her, his expression filled with regret.

"I’m not very good at handling things like this yet, so... yeah, I’m sorry."

Jean offered him a faint smile. "I don’t blame you. Truly."

"Then why are you so sad?" he asked, his voice softening further. "I can see it in your eyes, Jean. You’re hurting, and I know it’s not something you can simply brush aside. Please, talk to me. Whatever it is, you can tell me."

He had no intention of cornering her or forcing her to speak before she was ready. But just as he had told her before, their burdens weren’t theirs to bear alone. Whatever difficulties lay ahead, they had each other, and that was more than enough reason to face them together.

Jean remained silent, her gaze fixed on nothing in particular.

Her lips were still faintly curved, but the fragile smile did little to hide the sadness in her eyes.

"I... was just thinking about that day," she finally murmured. "The day an entire council of people came to our house, hoping to awaken even a single droplet of mana within me."

She sniffled, struggling to keep her voice steady.

"I remember getting out of bed late that morning, even though I hadn’t slept at all the previous night." A faint, bitter smile crossed her face. "I still remember Christella’s expression. She already knew that even this attempt wouldn’t change anything. And by then, I was too exhausted to fight back. Deep down, I knew she was right. Even I had stopped believing that this final attempt would make any difference."

Kai moved closer and gently wiped away her tears. He didn’t interrupt her, knowing she had probably kept these feelings buried inside for far too long.

"I remember my mother praying to God that day. Her lips never stopped moving, as though she believed that only a miracle could save me." Jean paused, lowering her eyes. "And my father... he seemed eager to get the whole thing over with. As though he simply wanted to rid himself of this burden once and for all."

Her voice grew quieter.

"And what happened was exactly what everyone had expected. I... turned out to be a failure."

Kai’s heart ached as he watched her struggle with the memories.

Neither during their school days nor after their reunion had he ever seen Jean this vulnerable, so thoroughly torn apart by her own emotions. She had somehow managed to move forward despite everything her family had put her through, but those old wounds were now reopening, forcing her to relive the days when the very people she had considered her family treated her as nothing more than a burden.

"And today..." Jean suddenly lifted her head, her voice trembling as she continued. "When you gave me that pill, I understood your intentions. I know you’re only trying to secure my future, and I know you want me to be able to protect myself."

She swallowed hard, but the tears continued to gather in her eyes.

"Still, the moment you handed me that pill, it felt as though I was reliving that day all over again."

Her eyes reddened as more tears spilled down her cheeks.

"What if I fail again?" she whispered. "What if I end up becoming a burden to someone I love all over again?"

Her voice broke on the final words, and Kai could no longer hold himself back.

He pulled Jean against his chest and wrapped his arms tightly around her, holding her as though he could shield her from every painful memory that had ever haunted her.

Her shoulders trembled in his embrace, and he could only hold her closer as the realization of what he had unintentionally put her through settled heavily in his heart.

"Shhh... It’s okay, Jean," he whispered, gently stroking her hair. "I promise you, I will never be disappointed in you, no matter what happens or what results we get. Do you understand?"

He pressed her closer, his voice filled with quiet conviction.

"Trust me. Nothing will ever change the way I feel about you. Nothing." Kai gently rubbed her back, his voice carrying a tenderness that left no room for doubt. "If I’d known this would make you cry, I would never have brought it up."

Jean clung to him, holding him as tightly as she could while struggling to find the words. "I know... I-it isn’t your fault. I-I’m just..."

Her voice faltered, and she found herself unable to finish the sentence.

She could barely breathe properly. Years of grief and frustration, buried beneath the surface for so long, were finally spilling out all at once. It was as though the moment she had been dreading had torn open wounds she had spent years trying to forget.

Kai immediately loosened his embrace and got to his feet. He returned moments later with a glass of water, but before offering it to her, he helped her steady her breathing, patiently staying by her side until she was calm enough to drink.

It took some time, but Jean eventually managed to regain her composure. She took a few small sips of water, her trembling gradually subsiding as she leaned back against him.

Kai gently wiped away her tears. Her eyes were now red, making it painfully clear just how much she had been holding back.

After a brief pause, he took her hand in his and spoke softly.

"If something makes you this sad, then don’t take it, Jean."

She blinked and looked at him, momentarily taken aback by his words.

Kai shook his head. "I’ll protect you and Elli, no matter what happens. So forget about that pill, okay?"

Jean fell silent.

His words brought her comfort, but they also left her conflicted. A part of her wanted to accept his reassurance and put the matter behind her, while another couldn’t help dwelling on everything that had led them to this point. She wanted to say something, to explain that she was fine taking the pill but then, Kai drew her into another embrace, silencing her.

This time, there was no urgency in his movements, no desperate attempt to stop her tears. He simply held her, allowing her to settle comfortably against him.

Jean rested her head against his chest as his hand moved gently across her back. For a while, neither of them said anything. There was nothing Kai needed to explain and nothing Jean needed to answer. His quiet presence was enough.

"Try to get some rest now," he whispered. "It’s already been a long day for you."

Under normal circumstances, Jean might have argued that she had spent most of the day relaxing at home and had hardly done anything all day.

But as she nestled against him, surrounded by his warmth, she found that the words never made it past her lips. Her eyelids were growing heavy, and the steady rhythm of his breathing brought her a sense of peace she hadn’t realized she needed so badly.

Comforted by his presence, Jean gradually drifted into a deep, peaceful slumber.