Chapter 390-Living In His Heart

Gigi:

In Ragnar’s office, I completely lost control of myself.

Afterward, the brothers had to come home with me and help calm me down. My parents were there too.

At least Ragnar and my father managed to make amends.

Ragnar admitted that everything happening right under his nose had gotten to him, which was why he had been so harsh with me.

He promised that from then on, he would take better care of me.

At the same time, Theodore and Jaguar were doing a pretty good job of proving that they might actually be right for me.

Then the Mate Ball came around.

Apparently, because of my little meltdown in Ragnar’s office, everyone decided I shouldn’t attend.

Being surrounded by that many people would supposedly be too overwhelming for me.

It completely ruined my mood.

Thankfully, I knew Ragnar wouldn’t be staying at the ball for long.

He only had a short meeting to attend before coming straight back to me.

"You should finish your dinner, Gigi. You still have to take your medicine," Ragnar said as he walked into my room.

He had changed into a black shirt and matching shorts.

Crossing over to the sofa beside the window, he settled into it with a book in his hand.

My gaze drifted outside to the full moon.

Then it returned to him.

A strange sadness settled over me.

It happened every time.

Every full moon, I let myself hope. I kept waiting to feel that unmistakable pull of a mate bond with him.

But as the night wore on and nothing happened, that hope slowly faded, leaving the same hollow feeling behind.

Tonight was no different.

After everything I had been through, some foolish part of me had thought the Moon Goddess might finally take pity on me.

Maybe she would turn my life around for once. Give me something good after putting me through so much.

But no.

Nothing happened.

I felt absolutely nothing with Ragnar.

I sighed and reached for my sandwich, but even that tasted bland.

Was it really so terrible to want the same connection with Ragnar?

I knew hoping to be mated to all three of them was probably asking for far too much.

But even if Ragnar were the only other one...

That alone would be enough.

More than enough for me.

"What’s going on?" Ragnar asked.

I turned my head away and set the sandwich down.

He caught the movement. A moment later, his book lowered into his lap, his attention shifting entirely to me.

It was sweet of him to stay here and keep me company instead of being at the ball.

Not that I would’ve wanted him there anyway, attending Jenna’s Mate Ball.

"I don’t know what the future has decided for us," I murmured.

"What do you mean?" Ragnar frowned. "Nothing is decided for us. We decide for ourselves."

A small smile tugged at my lips as I nodded.

"Yeah, that’s what you say now, Ragnar. But you haven’t even told me about your mate."

I straightened on the couch, pulling my legs up and wrapping my arms around my knees.

"We’re really talking about this again?" he asked.

His brows drew together, and the look on his face made it seem as though merely bringing up the subject exhausted him.

"That’s the thing, Ragnar. When have we talked about it?"

His expression shifted slightly.

"We haven’t had a single conversation about what happened. Not once." I held up one finger. "Do you know how many times I’ve told you that the whole situation makes me uncomfortable? And not once did you sit me down and explain any of it."

My voice cracked toward the end, the hurt I had been holding back finally slipping through.

"Well, that’s because there’s been nothing to talk about," he replied.

I stared at him in silence.

A moment later, his expression shifted, as if he had finally realized he was doing the same thing he always did whenever this subject came up.

"Gigi, I’m not sure why you’re so worried about it." He paused, then gave a small nod. "But I guess you’re right. We should at least talk about it."

At least he was finally acknowledging that my concern wasn’t completely pointless.

"Okay. You want to talk about it? Let’s talk about it. And after this, you’ll understand why I haven’t brought it up before."

He straightened in his seat.

I immediately perked up, barely able to contain myself. I had been waiting for this conversation for far too long.

"Who is it?"

The question slipped out almost instantly.

"Well... I don’t know." Ragnar lifted one shoulder in a shrug.

My brows pulled together.

Before I could ask what he meant, he continued.

"That’s because, Gigi, I’ve never actually felt a mate bond with anyone."

I nearly gasped out loud.

"That’s why I never talked about it. And I guess I should have. You deserved to know."

Ragnar picked up the book from his lap and set it on the table in front of him.

Then he leaned forward, resting his elbows on his thighs as his hands came together.

"Gigi, the doctor said I had come across my mate. But even if I did, I have no clue who she is. I didn’t feel a single thing. Nothing."

He glanced down at his hands.

"And it’s not like that was the first time I felt that pain. I had felt it before, and I felt it again afterward. I didn’t want to question the doctor’s judgment, but I honestly don’t understand why he was so sure I had crossed paths with my mate."

His gaze lifted to mine.

"Besides, even if I had, Gigi, I would reject her in a heartbeat. You know I’ve committed myself to you."

For the first time in what felt like forever, he was saying exactly what I needed to hear.

His voice stayed soft, almost careful.

I smiled, and he kept watching my face as though searching for some sign of relief.

"My mother said she asked Oliver for his phone," I began.

Ragnar frowned, clearly unsure where I was going with this.