Chapter 226: My Greatest Failure

[Music: Murder Song (5, 4, 3, 2, 3) - Acoustic By AURORA]

"Mr. Salvero."

"Mr. Salvero."

"Mr. Salvero!"

I opened my eyes, wondering who was calling me and giving me a fucking headache. It was a woman I had never seen before, or maybe I had, but I don’t remember.

I leaned away from the sofa, rubbing my temples with a groan, trying to make sense of my situation. I recalled that after burning down the building, I called my men to handle the rest, and I made my way back to the hospital.

I must have passed out after that.

"You were drinking again, weren’t you?"

At the sound of the voice, I turned my eyes to the woman, trying to remember her face when she caught on. I squinted to make out her features, and she sighed sharply.

"It’s me, Jade. Ring a bell? Been coming here like forever, and you don’t remember me."

Ah, Jade. Anastasia’s nail technician and friend, or maybe she was both.

"You can’t keep doing this to yourself," she said, eyes sad. "Drinking, passing out and—"

I pushed my feet, and she suddenly grew intimidated, her mouth shutting tight.

That’s better.

"Tell my men outside to bring me fresh new clothes." I walked to the bathroom and slammed the door beside me.

I rested my hands on the sink, then dragged my gaze to the mirror. My dark blond hair was full and messy. My stubble had grown out more and was in need of a shave, but I wasn’t in the mood for that, so I picked up the toothbrush and brushed my teeth to get the aftertaste of alcohol off before I brand it yet again.

A knock came through.

"Your new clothes are here."

A moment later, I got under the shower, my hands braced on the wall as I let the water cascade freely on my head. I’m already sober enough, and the twisting sensation that had dulled overnight as I did everything to suppress it came back.

My chest rose and fell heavily, and it felt like I was about to come down with a heart attack.

I took my hands off the wall and ran them through my hair, tilting my head upwards. I welcomed the water beating against my face softly, and it did help to soothe the agonizing feeling ripping through me.

A few minutes later I was out and dressed in a crisp chocolate dress shirt and black tailored trousers.

I saw Jade at Anastasia’s bedside, holding her hand tightly.

When she caught my movement, she turned. "You look better than you were a few hours ago."

I grunted only in response as I made my way to my sitting spot, my whiskey already waiting for me.

I eyed the fresh flowers, and I knew Anastasia’s Director and some of her friends at the academy must have visited sometime yesterday when I left.

I took the lid off the decanter and poured it into the tumbler.

"You should really reconsider that."

"Trying to be the voice of reason isn’t gonna get you anywhere."

"I figured. I have made no progress. You’re gonna keep drowning yourself until there’s nothing left to drown."

I pinned her with a look that spoke more volumes than words, and it was high time she stopped talking, but it seemed like she had borrowed courage from a damn lion.

"What would Ana think if she saw you right now?"

The moment those words slipped from her lips, I bounced my eyes to Anastasia, but I didn’t linger as a foul feeling grew in my lower stomach.

In silence, I finished my drink and poured in another round. Jade sighed heavily, as though done trying to talk to me, which I appreciated.

I’m not in the mood to shoot anyone right now.

But then a knock came through, and the door opened as Dr. Keller walked in.

"Morning, Dr. Keller."

He smiled at Jade’s greeting before veering his eyes to me.

"Mr. Salvero, can I see you for a moment?"

"Shouldn’t I be the one fixing the appointments and not you?"

He adjusted his glasses. "I just wanna talk to you."

That tactic won’t fool me.

"It’s about Mrs. Salvero’s condition."

The tumbler froze halfway to my lips.

~☆~

This was the first time in a month that I didn’t need a drink to numb everything. There was so much going on in my body I wasn’t sure it was gonna do shit right now.

Dr. Keller monitored me for a while, and I sure hoped he wasn’t about to start a session.

"This is not what you’re thinking, Mr. Salvero."

I nodded. "Then go on, I don’t like being in suspense."

"Of course. Mrs. Salvero’s condition remains stable, but she’s still unconscious. It’s been a month."

"I’m aware of all that," I said, already getting impatient, and I wanted him to get to the fucking point already.

He sighed. "We still can’t predict when she’ll wake."

There it was. Something else to destroy what little was left of me.

"You’re the best fucking doctor anyone can find. This hospital has more facilities than any hospital in the city. I don’t care about the money. What I want is a fucking solution, not a prediction."

"All we can do now is hope for a miracle."

I leaned back in the chair. "A miracle."

"I understand how hard this is for you. I know you are in a dark place."

"I’ve always been in a dark place."

"But not like this."

"If you think we’re gonna have that talk, then it’s not happening." I pushed myself to my feet, already leaving.

"You can talk to her."

My hand froze midway to the doorknob.

"All you have to do is sit by her bedside and talk. Tell her you’re there. Let her know you’re there. Even if she can’t respond, talk to her. Give her something to hold on to."

I threw a look over my shoulder.

"Do that, Zade."

He rarely ever used my name, and right now he was setting professionalism aside because he was trying to get through to me.

I swallowed hard, but I didn’t reply. Instead, I opened the door and left the office.

I made my way back to the private ICU suite and found out Jade was gone, but I knew she was gonna come back sooner or later.

I closed the door behind me, my footsteps echoing as I approached the bed. But before I could reach it, I stopped.

My body was itching for me to sit by her and hold her hand, feel her skin against mine, but I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t fucking do it.

And like the useless husband I had become, I dragged myself back to my usual spot on the sofa, where my waiting glass of whiskey offered the only comfort I had left.

I sat down, resting my elbows on my knees, my chin buried in my hand.

Why can’t I do it?

I’ve been asking myself that question for the past month, and each time there was no answer, but now I had one. Elliot’s words swirled at the back of my skull. He was fucking right. This was all my fault, and the only reason Anastasia was on that bed was that I let that happen.

I tossed her right into the jaws of danger when I should have shielded her with everything I had. There was no one to blame but me.

I hurt her. I’ve done nothing but hurt her since the moment I married her. It wasn’t simply a matter of being the villain in her life. I hurt her because, at the end of the day, that was who I was.

I wasn’t a good man. Because if I had been, I would’ve protected her. I would’ve done everything in my power to prevent what happened two years ago.

I could have wifed her up the moment I knew I couldn’t let her go. Kept her closer so that her sister wouldn’t have had the chance to hurt her.

And if I couldn’t have prevented that, I could have at least told her the truth. Maybe then I could have kept her from becoming vulnerable to my enemies.

She wouldn’t have gone searching for answers if I’d simply given them to her

Anastasia has always hated negative emotions and conflicts, but for the past two years I bred that in her solely because I wanted to protect the image she had of her sister—the sister she remembered.

I wanted to protect that illusion of truth. I wanted her to hate me instead.

I shouldn’t have. I shouldn’t have cared. I wouldn’t be at this point if I had.

I failed Anastasia in more ways than I could ever imagine. I had let her down, and because of me, she was lying here in this condition.

And now, I might never get the chance to see her open her eyes again.