Chapter 171: Be Strong, Believe

Rachel couldn’t stop herself from pushing past her tired body to hug her mom and attempt to pull her onto the bed. Her mother complied as Rachel sniffed and coughed, letting her mom comfort her, her soft, comforting words burning her ears.

"Everything’s going to be alright, Rachel... Everything will be alright."

"B-But I let her get away," Rachel sobbed, burying her face into her mother’s chest, a living furnace consuming her heart. "Relica—I don’t know if I can look at her without... She ruined our whole family! I’m sorry, I didn’t see you suffering. I’m sorry you had to deal with all of this alone."

Tender hands held her back, her mother’s hot breath against her ear as she felt a dam breaking within her. "I wasn’t alone... I had my son and daughter, who relied on me, and who helped me out of that crippling guilt, and do you know—do you know what really pulled me out?"

Rachel shook her head against her mom’s quaking chest, feeling weaker and more tender than she’d ever felt in her life as her mother held her tight.

"It was when a little, eleven-year-old girl came home from school; she’d gotten in a fight with a classmate who said her mom was prettier than me..."

"I remember," she sniffled. "D-Dad was furious when he picked me up."

"He was," her mother said, clearing her throat, "but where was I... I was in the bathroom in tears because it was the week Seo died, and I just felt...like a failure, but you came in and...and gave me a hug and said—you said, it’ll be okay, Mom... It would be okay, and I was the prettiest mom in the world... Just...be strong, believe..." she cut off in a choke before repeating the words.

"Be strong...believe. Those words hit me like a truck... I was supposed to be the one helping you, not the other way around. Your dad didn’t know what to do with me... I didn’t know what to do with all this guilt, but my sweet daughter had struck my heart in a way I cannot explain... Be strong, believe. Thank you for being my daughter, Rachel. Thank you."

"Mom..."

Nose on fire and a complete mess, Rachel didn’t process anything for a time; she couldn’t remember ever breaking down like this in her life, and the worst part was that she couldn’t stop. Like Scarlet, her entire life was breaking away, but in a different direction; her mother didn’t abandon her.

After fifteen minutes of babbling and attempts to regain control, Rachel felt utterly exhausted, yet she had too much to do to let herself slip into a coma, so she forced herself to stay awake. Unsurprisingly, Nia was a total wreck, and the girls downstairs were probably completely lost as to what to do with the sensitive child.

Cheeks puffy and flushed, the same as her mom’s, Rachel took a tissue and dabbed at her stinging eyes as they settled down. Once resting her head against the pillow for a time, she went to the next topic she wanted to address, keeping her gaze on her mother.

"Who gave you all of these visions? Why did Nia overhear Grandma disowning you? And why did she tell you that you’d be killed if you returned to Korea?"

Hands folded in her lap, her mother’s legs wrapped around each other as she glanced away. "Who gave me these visions? I can’t say because I do not know. My family has a long history of shamanism, and I grew up around spirits and yogoe, seen just beyond the veil; it is thinner than you might think," she said with a strained smile.

Rachel tucked her blankets under her chin, feeling a shiver coming on since she had no Lunar Energy to activate any of her resilience-based abilities. "What about goddesses like Izanami and Chang’e? What do you know about them?"

Again, her mother shook her head. "Typically, you cannot communicate with those types of deities without some extreme measures. However, I have noticed a few bunnies jumping around...that refuse to speak to me," she said with a somewhat agitated side-long glare.

"Think of there being multiple worlds layered on top of each other, and some, such as our family, can peer beyond that slight deviation in boundaries. Your grandfather has his own type of aptitude regarding his cultivation breathing techniques, but that is limited to the divide between worlds that shamans can interact with."

Scratching her temple and breathing a tired sigh, Rachel smiled at the Korean woman. "You’re dodging the big questions, Mom. Your side of the family and who gave you the knowledge about The Oscillation. I can tell Moongmor and Mei that they don’t need to duck you anymore. Maybe you’ll be able to give me some answers since I’m not all that used to communicating with them yet."

Her mom sat back, a somber note returning to her voice. "First, know that these visions come from a spirit animal, much like your bunny friends, only...I was not the only one they reached out to grasp what was to come and prepare. All spiritualists in Korea heard the warning from the Tiger Palace."

Rachel crossed her arms under her blankets, recalling the warnings about tigers in their culture; in times past, the horangi were seen as shape-shifting, man-eating trickster tigers, much like the kumiho.

Then again, it was also seen as a symbol of power, strength, boldness, courageousness, and confidence. Many believed tigers were the guardians of Korea. There was even a legend about a tiger who married a fox, and a cloud that loved the fox wept over them, giving rise to the story of sunshowers.

A dark shadow touched her tone. "So, the tiger is the one that is actually threatening you?"

"It’s more complicated than that," her mother explained. "There are spirits that are...intermediaries, I suppose you could call them—much like your bunnies. Understand, these visions came when I was pregnant with you, and I’ve received more instruction over time, including their plan for Korea. When you were unconscious...the horangi wanted me to bring you back to Korea to recover. Instead...I spoke to and channeled a benevolent sea nymph’s powers to cleanse you, which marked me a sort of...traitor."

A little confused now, Rachel tried to puzzle through the interweavings of this story. "Why do that to yourself? What bad would have come from going back to Korea?"

Her mother drew in her bottom lip, arms held against her belly. "Mmm. It’s a...complicated feeling. I can’t tell you why, but I’m uncomfortable taking you back to Korea at this time. You’re just going to have to accept that as my answer."