Book 2 Chapter 86

Willow both heard and felt his grandmother’s arrival to his room, though he tried to ignore her.

He didn’t want to talk to her about what happened, and he was sure Li Wanyu had explained it to her already.

He didn’t want her to look at him like the murderer he was.

His senses were overwhelmed with memories of screams and searing flesh, causing him to curl up into an even tighter ball. Willow’s friends were crowded around his projection in Change’s void, but even their warmth wasn’t enough right now.

Grandma Thea sat next to the cocoon he’d made for himself and placed a hand atop it. “Willow? Your… friend, told me what happened. Would you please come out and talk to me about it?”

He shook his head violently enough that the motion was conveyed through the coverings.

Amusement briefly flickered in his grandmother’s core before it was replaced once more with overwhelming concern.

“Very well, I know now you can hear me at least. So how about I tell you a story instead? I know how much you enjoy those, even if this one might be a bit grim.”

She spent a few moments in silence, likely composing her thoughts for the coming tale.

The start was not what Willow expected to hear.

“It is the tradition of House Petros that a member of the main branch performs the executions for the worst of our territory's criminals. Normally this duty was done by the male members of my family, but as my father had no male heirs, the responsibility fell to me when he was otherwise occupied.”

She sighed.

“The first time I took a life was when I was around sixteen winters old, and I botched it horribly. What was supposed to be a clean kill turned into prolonged suffering as I held back on my initial blow, not wanting to harm someone. Even though that person was reportedly a monster who had done unspeakable things.”

Willow poked his head out and saw the faraway look in his grandmother’s eyes, likely reliving the moment.

“He bled out slowly, and I was too panicked by the sight of his blood to grant him a cleaner end. It is one of many moments I wish I could change in my past.”

She finally noticed her grandson had stopped hiding himself. She also noticed how red and puffy his eyes were.

“Your method of execution was still much more merciful than my first, and I believe you made the right choice. I wish you hadn’t needed to make that choice in the first place, but you acted quickly and decisively to end a threat. Which is something you should be proud of, you protected those you care about. Even if you hate the part of yourself that did such a thing, know that it was unfortunately necessary.”

Willow shuddered and more tears leaked from his eyes. “I could feel their pain.”

The qi in the sisters’ cores had moved in the erratic zigzags that he’d long since associated with pain and intense discomfort. Though it was also at a scale that he had never seen in the past.

Meaning he knew just how long the two of them were in intense agony before their passing.

“It wasn’t fast. I don’t…” A sob escaped. “I don’t want to ever have to do that again.”

His grandmother began to cradle his face with both of her hands, forcing him to look back up into her eyes through blurry vision.

“For most I would tell them to harden their heart. While taking lives should never be pleasant, it is often necessary at some point, which is especially true for someone walking a path of conflict such as yourself.”

Willow tried to look away, but her grip tightened, not hard enough to hurt, yet still immovable as a mountain.

“However, that is not the advice I intend for you. Instead I shall tell you of another path that should appeal to you.”

He stopped trying to look away, intrigued as he was.

“The path of pacifism is walked predominantly by fools with more conviction than sense, but if you have enough power then any path is safe to walk. To put an end to all conflicts you encounter without taking another life would require power unavailable to the vast majority of binders.”

Her grip slackened, but Willow was enthralled by his grandmother’s words.

“You have the potential to walk such a path, if you so choose. It still won’t be easy, and you’re young enough to not fully understand just how difficult it will be. However, if it helps to heal your wounded heart to know the path even exists, then I share it gladly.”

He considered what he had heard. The idea of never taking another life sounded very appealing right now. It was a lifeline thrown to him when he felt like he was drowning in a sea of guilt and despair.

Willow felt like it was a path that resonated with Harmony’s concept as well. His friend always grew uncomfortable whenever he committed any act of violence, but she almost always held her tongue about it, understanding the necessity of his actions in most cases.

The five lives he’d taken would be the last. He couldn’t undo what he’d done, but he could stop himself from making the same choice in the future.

Willow gave his grandmother a hug, and she returned it.

He heard the screams, but they were just a little quieter. He turned his wince into a tightening of his hug.

The knowledge of this new path didn’t “fix” him, and right now he was unsure if he would ever stop fully feeling like this.

But he now had another goal to work towards.

Another reason to gain strength.

If taking a life made him feel this way, then he’d never take another one.

He’d simply be strong enough to solve his problems without killing.

A stray thought disrupted his newfound conviction.

He broke the hug with his grandmother and asked an important question.

“You didn’t get angry with Mister Li, right? I heard raised voices earlier. It’s not his fault I’m like this right now.”

Grandma Thea was equal parts amused and exasperated by the change in topic.

“I might have given him a piece of my mind. He and I are also in agreement that he bears the majority of the blame for what happened, no matter how you feel about the matter.”

Willow shook his head. “He tried to get me to leave a couple of different times, and if I had gone back and gotten you instead of investigating on my own then things would have gone a lot differently. So it’s all on me.”

His grandmother tousled his hair. “You should have gotten me, yes, and I’m slightly hurt that you didn’t. Yet his attempts at making you leave were lackluster at best. However, we can relitigate his culpability tomorrow, for now I want to focus on you, if that’s all right?”

Willow wanted to argue more, but he was growing increasingly tired after the day he went through, so he simply nodded and accepted his grandmother’s embrace once more.

He didn’t know when he fell asleep, but when he later awoke he was tucked into his bed instead of being huddled on the floor.

A further sign that he was cared for.