Chapter 399: Everyone Suffers Because Of Me

Elián;

The space where her body lay just seconds ago feels colder than any normal thing has the right to feel.

I stare at the space silently... At the empty patch of grass between my trembling hands— The space where Asa was before Avaren ripped her away from me.

My chest hurts—No, hurt isn’t the word. My... my chest feels hollow, and empty... Like something ruptured inside me and left a gaping hole behind.

Around me, voices move frantically through the destroyed garden. Guards shouting, magic crackling, someone calling orders... But everything sounds distant. Strange... muffled.

Like I’m hearing the world, but from underwater.

I stare at Asa’s blood on my palms. Bright and red— a daunting reminder that she died... in my arms.

I feel my throat go dry, and it hurts because my body gives me no outlet for the pain that has flooded every bit of me.

Tears won’t even fall from my eyes despite how miserable I’m feeling. I think I already cried them all...

The longer I stay here, the more I feel everything fall apart. Like watching a building crumble to the ground... watching the bricks fall to the ground, and dust rise... but with no sound, almost like my body doesn’t quite know how to react to what just happened.

"...Elián." Koda’s voice reaches me softly. From the side of my eyes, I see him take slow, careful steps like he’s approaching a wounded animal.

I don’t answer him. I can’t.

Asa’s bright smile comes back to me, and I feel my lips tremble as my chest hums with a fresh ache.

"You cry too much."

Her voice replays in my mind, and a broken huff escapes me. It’s somewhere between a laugh and a sob. It’s more of a sob.

I shut my eyes and fold into myself. She was smiling!! For fuck’s sake, she was alive. There was finally happiness in her eyes. I could see that for her...life started looking like it was worth living.

And now— Now she’s gone.

A shuddering breath escapes me as it all comes back.

Her purple eyes. Not brown.

She wasn’t really Asa... but the woman from Gravemaw.

The same woman who nearly destroyed us. The same woman who terrified me... The same woman who gave her life to protect me.

I don’t understand how all these things can be true at once.

How can Asa be that woman?

How can someone so cruel also become someone I trusted? Someone I cared about?

...Someone who died protecting me?

My chest twists violently, and my baby shifts painfully inside me.

A sharp ache shoots through my abdomen, and I curl around it instinctively.

"Elián," Koda calls again, closer this time. Still gentle. Still careful.

My eyes shut tighter, and this time, tears find me.

Whoever Asa really was, I got to know her. The real her. She... she was good. Just broken. She had her reason for whatever happened. She was my friend. I... I saw her as a sister.

She was my friend! My friend!!

She can’t be gone. There’s no fucking way she’s gone. Asa can’t be gone. It’s not fair!

I don’t care what her past is; it doesn’t make this easy! It only makes it worse because now I may never get answers!

The only thing I’ll know for sure is that I trusted her. Loved her. Cared so deeply for her, and now... she’s gone!??

The wind slowly changes around us, and I feel it instantly.

I open my eyes slowly, and the garden reacts around me.

Flowers begin blooming wildly, then immediately wilt. Only to bloom again.

The ground beneath me trembles softly, and someone nearby gasps.

I don’t look up... I can’t.

Everything gets blocked out as my mind creates a loop of our final moments. Playing her words over and over again.

"I’m sorry for what I did at Gravemaw."

A scream claws at my throat stubbornly, but I bite it back.

She knew. She knew the truth would hurt me... And she still smiled at me, anyway.

She got so close, only to get taken away?? So suddenly!?

A violent crack suddenly splits through the garden, and I hear people yelp and shriek.

The earth beside me ruptures open, and I watch weakly as roots burst through the stone pathways wildly, twisting upward like vicious tentacles.

Voices rise around me immediately.

"Your Highness!" A guard screams.

"His powers are destabilising!" I hear Queen Selthia warn, and I look over at her.

Still curled into myself.

"Back away!" She orders, and the guards obey instantly. However, Zephan and Koda don’t move an inch.

The air grows heavier, and I groan as I feel pressure press down on every part of my body.

I remember the entity pointing at me. Not Asa, but me. It came for me.

And Asa died because she stood in front of me.

My breathing stops as that thought strikes me like a blinding smack across the face.

Everyone who gets close to me suffers.

I feel my heart break as the dots connect.

The people of Gravemaw loved me. They accepted me as one of them–they cared for me. And what happened to them?

Blood. Death—Koda getting hurt, Queen Cassia, and Zephan nearly dying. Seun, and his family...

Alana... and now Asa.

My baby kicks violently again, and magic erupts outward from me instantly.

It’s so strong, I flop to the floor as the force leaves me. The explosion is so strong, I hear walls break to the ground, and guards shout.

Unable to contain the pain anymore, I let out the scream that has been eating me up inside. It’s the only outlet for the pain that now feels like it’s drowning me.

The night sky grows darker in response. I look up as storm clouds begin swirling rapidly overhead.

I know this is happening because of me, but I can not stop it. I cannot stop the thoughts swirling in my head.

Everyone suffers because of me. Everyone.

My hands begin shaking harder at the bitter realisation.

"No..." I whisper weakly.

The flowers around me begin growing uncontrollably now. Increasing comically in size as vines spread across the ground rapidly.

Thorns burst through stone, and the entire garden starts transforming into something wild and unstable.

The power bleeding out of me feels wrong. It’s too emotional... Too alive.

Like the universe itself is grieving with me... Or through me.

"Elián!" Koda calls in worry as he reaches for me.

The second his fingers brush my shoulder, another wave of magic bursts from my body.

Koda gets thrown backwards violently, and my eyes widen instantly in horror.

"Koda!" I scream in fear as I watch him crash hard against a tree.

The power around me surges harder as I scramble to my feet.

I try to walk towards him, but Queen Selthia steps between us.

The understanding settles instantly. If I go closer–even if I don’t mean to–I’ll hurt them.

I stagger backwards as fresh tears spill from my eyes again.

Koda groans as he tries to stand up, but can’t, and I cover my mouth in fear.

"I didn’t mean to!" I breathe, and I feel the ground crack beneath me.

I look down at my feet, and just as the leaves reacted to that creature, the grass at my feet turns dark. Wilting right before my eyes.

I look around and see trees bend violently away from my aura.

My mana spirals wildly in numerous colours through the air like a storm, as I swallow, as I feel myself pinned helplessly in the middle of the chaos.

I don’t know how to stop what’s happening.

Zephan shifts partially nearby, clearly trying to withstand the pressure.

Even Queen Selthia looks more worried now. Scared of what I’m becoming right before their eyes.

I... I should get away from them. If not, I’ll hurt them too.

The garden shakes violently.

More flowers bloom through the cracks in the earth around me, while others rot black instantly.

Life, decay, creation, destruction... All of it spirals out from me uncontrollably.

My baby shifts painfully again, and pain tears through my stomach hard enough to make me cry out.

I double over instantly, clutching my stomach, and suddenly— Everything disappears.

The garden, the destruction, the voices... It’s all gone.

Silence swallows me whole, and for a moment, it’s more repreive than I thought I’d need.

I slowly lift my head and freeze when I see the woman standing before me.

Tall, ancient, and unapologetically beautiful in the way only mythical things are.

Golden hair cascades down her back like early sunlight across the horizon, and white markings glow faintly against perfectly fair skin.

She smiles softly, but as I stand up straight, I do not return the smile.

What is there to smile about?

"Goddess Thalyra." I acknowledge, and her expression remains calm as she studies me silently.

My chest still hurts, my tears still fall and I still hic as I try to breathe through it all.

"Why are you heartbroken?" she asks softly, and I pause.

What!?? WHAT!?

"Why am I crying!? Asa is dead!!" I scream, yet her expression doesn’t change.

"How do you know that?" She asks, and I pause.

"I can feel it!" I scream, and fresh tears fall down my face.

"I can feel it! She can’t die! Save her." I add, but the goddess remains silent.

"You have to." I plead in a whimper as I step closer, but still she says nothing.

Panic rises inside me again instantly at the thought of her actually not helping, and me just... never seeing Asa again...

"She protected me," I whisper desperately. "She saved me," I add, and only then does Goddess Thalyra let out a breath.

"She also nearly destroyed your family at Gravemaw." She noted, and my breath hitches.

"She changed," I answer immediately, with no trace of uncertainty in my heart and voice.

"She murdered innocent people." She replies, and I yell this time.

"She changed!" My voice cracks at the force, and the silence around us trembles faintly from the force of my emotions.

"She lied to you about who she is."

"I know!" I breathe as I take another desperate step forward.

Tears stream harder down my face now, and goddess Thalyra just watches me.

"I know what she did!" I add as my breathing becomes even more ragged.

"But she changed." I plead, but she just watches me carefully.

"Are you certain?"

"Yes!" I reply almost as a plea.

"Yes," I whisper brokenly again, and Goddess Thalyra tilts her head a bit as she stares at me.

"I know her," I add, but then Elien whispers at the back of my mind.

"Do you?"

I pause. But then I remember—her smile, her laughter... the way she cried when she told me about her baby... The way she died protecting me.

"Yes. I do." I reply inwardly, and Elien falls silent.

"She changed. I can vouch for her." I say confidently. However, goddess Thalyra says nothing. She stares at me for seconds that feel like eternity.

"You defend her despite knowing what she has done." She says, and my chest tightens painfully because she just spoke of Asa like she was a monster. But I know she wasn’t.

"She was trying to become better," I reply with trembling words, and my gaze falls as my fists clench beside me, and more tears fall.

"She was trying." I point out, and the goddess exhales softly... Almost sadly.

I take another step toward her desperately.

"Please save her." I plead with my hands clasped together, but still, I get nothing.

"Please... She can’t die." I croak, and Goddess Thalyra’s gaze softens slightly then. Not much, but enough to hurt.

"You care for people very deeply, little Primordial." She says, and fresh tears spill harder down my face.

"They keep hurting," I whisper, and pain flashes briefly through her expression. Then vanishes again.

Ancient composure settles back over her features.

"You called for me." She replies, and I blink weakly.

"I... what?"

"Your grief reached me." She explains, and I listen silently.

The realisation stuns me silent.

The destruction, the power... the instability.

That was me calling her?

Goddess Thalyra steps closer slowly, and a wave of subtle relief washes over me when she gently cradles my cheek.

"Would you truly ask me to save someone stained so heavily in blood?" She questions as she holds my gaze, and I sniffle as I hold hers.

"Yes," I reply with a nod.

Because, despite everything, I cannot regret loving Asa.

The goddess studies me for a very long time after that. Then finally... she sighs. Softly. Sadly.

And before I can say anything else, I watch her begin to fade away.

My heart drops.

"Wait!" I call as I stumble forward, but she’s already gone.

The silence collapses around me instantly, and reality crashes back.

The garden reappears violently around me.

The storm overhead, the shattered earth, the twisted trees—Koda shouting my name somewhere nearby.

Pain tears through my body all at once, and I groan in pain.

There’s too much emotion. Too much hurt... Too much grief.

My vision blurs quickly, and I sway weakly where I stand.

I fall to my knees as my body feels unbearably heavy now. Exhausted... Empty.

Like the breakdown drained everything inside me.

Someone reaches me, and when I look up, I see that it’s Koda.

This time, when he grabs me, my power doesn’t react violently anymore. Because there’s nothing left in me to fight with.

His arms wrap around me immediately. Careful and protective in a way only fear can cause.

I hear his breathing shaking slightly near my ear.

"Elián..."

His voice sounds wrecked. Like he was scared, he lost me too.

Fresh tears slide silently down my face.

"I’m sorry," I whisper weakly as I cling tiredly to him.

"For what?"

"I hurt you." I sign, and he tightens his hold around me.

"You didn’t."

"I did."

"No," he says firmly. "You were hurting."

That somehow makes fresh tears fill my eyes, because he still sounds gentle—Still sounds loving.

Even after everything.

My body finally gives out completely as exhaustion drags me under violently.

The last thing I feel before darkness takes me is Koda lifting me into his arms while the ruined garden trembles quietly around us.

What...what’s next?