Chapter 77: Ephraim’s Real Feelings

"You did well today, Lydia," Ephraim said as he gestured to Lydia to sit beside him. "I’m really proud of you. We wouldn’t be able to defeat the Glacial Dragon without you."

"Nah, it was all thanks to you and Zachary. I barely did anything, really. Actually I was taken aback by what you did in front of the nobles."

A quiet warmth settled between them as Ephraim pulled Lydia into his arms. This felt really nice.

"I know I haven’t always treated you as I should. I’ll do better, Lydia. I want you to know how much you mean to me."

However, there was something else Lydia wanted to discuss. She hesitated for a moment before speaking.

"Ephraim, there’s something I want to ask you. Have you been taking drugs? Like what Emily did on campus ground?"

Ephraim’s expression changed slightly but he didn’t look away or try to dismiss her question.

He knew Lydia must have done her own research before she decided to ask him about this matter.

"Yes."

"I see. I am glad you’re being honest with me. I know being Sentinel must be rough and you have to take drugs from time to time. But I don’t want you to poison yourself. Which kind did you take?"

"Aggro. Those drugs that I took were called that. They made it harder for me to control my anger. Even the smallest things could set me off."

"Why would you take something like that?"

He took a quiet breath before answering.

"To cope. That’s why. Working as Commander of Imperial Elite Sentinels made me vulnerable to Resonance Stress, but I don’t want to ask you to guide me. I need something to cope. But the thought of having to ask others to guide me made me sick."

"You can always ask me to GUIDE you. Why are you always being so hard on yourself? I’m your guide and fiancée, Ephraim!"

Lydia pulled out from his embrace and rummaged through her wardrobe to look for something more comfortable to sleep on.

But a light pain shot from her shoulder when she tiptoed to reach for her favorite nightdress.

"Let me get that for you. Here."

Ephraim quickly reached the silky blue nightdress and handed it to Lydia.

"Thank you, Ephraim. Glad you’re much taller than me." Lydia hugged the soft fabric to herself. "Never use those drugs again, ok? You don’t have to face everything alone anymore. I promised that when I was in your Spiritual Domain. Okay... I’m going to change and brush my teeth now. Don’t fall asleep before I get back. I still have tons to talk with you!"

"...alright, then. I won’t take them again."

The answer was quiet, but Lydia believed he meant it. Ephraim shifted against the pillow as he was thinking about her words.

By the time Lydia had finished, he had fluffied several pillows on her side, just like how she preferred them.

She was barely settled comfortably beside him when Ephraim continued his words.

"You’re the only person who can understand me. Always."

"That was so sudden."

"When that assassin nearly killed you, I couldn’t bear the thought of losing you. To be honest, I don’t quite understand my feelings either." He raked his hair in frustration but Ephraim’s lion ears and tail were showing—and he didn’t bother to keep them in. "I don’t ever want to feel that helpless again. Not when you’re the one that can bring colors to my life."

His confession made Lydia remember about his Spiritual Domain. Sure, it was blank and empty. Did that emptiness have a deeper meaning?

"Black and white. Everything and everyone felt the same. Just empty and boring duties and responsibilities." He paused, his eyes softening as he snuggled closer to Lydia. "Then you came along. You brought color to my world. Being with you was fun. I didn’t have to pretend or worry about meeting everyone’s expectations."

"Good, good. You should be more relaxed, Ephraim. It’s okay to not be okay, you know."

He put his chin above Lydia’s hair and purred like a spoiled cat.

"I used to think I only had to make you believe that I loved you. Doing the bare minimum and all. But in the end, I realized that I was the one who couldn’t withstand the thought of not having you by my side. It was killing me."

Lydia leaned closer. Her antlers appeared, and her deer tail swayed slightly behind her as Ephraim stroked her back.

That felt really nice and comforting~

"I used to think that you were funny and entertaining and I prefer to have you by my side much much longer. Now that I think about it, now I understand why I want you by my side so much. I want to have you by my side as my wife, forever, Lydia."

"Ephraim..." Lydia looked at him in surprise.

In her previous life, Ephraim had eventually gotten engaged to a woman from another country a few years after breaking things off with Lydia.

Lydia remembered hearing about it but she had never paid much attention. Mostly because she had only ever seen the new fiancée once or twice a year at best.

It was a well known fact among the Imperial Elite Sentinels that the Crown Prince had no Guides either.

Could Ephraim have been using suppressants back then, too?

There were still so many things she didn’t know about him. Their relationship had ended before she ever got the chance to understand his true feelings.

But at least Ephraim was finally telling Lydia about his real feelings.

"I’m sorry, Lydia."

His sudden apology brought her attention back to him.

"I will do my best to make you never doubt my real feelings again. You’re not someone to be taken for granted. I will respect your consent and be a better man for you. Okay then, I should get going and leave you to rest."

Lydia watched Ephraim smile at her gently before caressing her hair and kissing her forehead.

"Good night, Lydia."

Before Ephraim could reach for the door knob, Lydia hugged him from behind and savored his warmth.

Just like Lydia, Ephraim had a change of heart as well. He was different from the one she knew in her previous life.

All for the better.

"Ephraim, I’m glad you told me all of this."

His fingers gently closed around hers as Lydia leaned on his back.

"I want you to be here with me. Let me guide you tonight."