Chapter 21: The Life I Could Have Had

••{RHIANNON’S POV}••

I keep my footsteps as quiet as possible as I slip into the castle gardens.

Countless stars are scattered across the night sky, and the moon shines brightly over the gardens, bathing everything in its pale light.

There are no guards in sight and I don’t hear anyone approaching either. The gardens are completely quiet, save for the soft chirping of crickets.

My heart races with excitement as I hurry toward the pavilion where he always waits for me.

As soon as I reach it, I turn in a slow circle, searching for his familiar figure leaning against one of the pillars or standing somewhere in the shadows with that crooked smile.

A heartbeat later, my shoulders sag and the thrill fades along with it.

He’s not here.

A heavy sigh leaves my lips.

Before I can turn to leave, a pair of strong arms suddenly wrap around my waist from behind.

I flinch, but the moment I hear this deep, warm laughter, I instantly melt into his embrace.

"Cyrus," I breathe. "You scared me."

"I know," he murmurs, brushing his lips against the back of my ear. "I just couldn’t resist."

He’s grinning from ear to ear when I turn to face him.

"I thought you weren’t coming," he murmurs. "I waited so long that I started to think you’d fallen asleep and left me stranded."

"Well, I was taking my time," I chuckle, resting my arms on his shoulders. "Sneaking through halls and slipping past guards in the dead of night as if I’m a thief, isn’t exactly easy. Do you have any idea what my father would say if—"

Cyrus’s lips capture mine, cutting off my words. Then gently, he pulls me closer until our bodies are pressed together. My eyes drift shut as I move my lips with his and my fingers run through his hair. I taste the sweetness of grape wine when he slips his tongue in my mouth, deepening the kiss.

The cool night breeze suddenly feels warm against my skin when Cyrus starts kissing my neck. He slowly trails all the way down to my collarbone, only stopping when he reaches my cleavage.

"I can’t wait for tomorrow," he murmurs against my skin, breathing heavily.

"Me too," I whisper.

He meets my eyes and that crooked grin returns to his face.

"Do you know what I look forward to the most?" he asks.

I raise a brow, giving him a bored, unimpressed look. "It’s the wedding feast, isn’t it?"

"You know me too well," he chuckles, shaking his head. "But it’s more than just that."

"What is it, then?"

He cups my face with one hand and begins caressing my cheek with his thumb.

"Falling asleep beside you every night," he says gently. "Waking up every morning and seeing your beautiful face before anything else. Kissing you, and embracing you without having to sneak around."

My cheeks grow hot almost instantly.

"You’re such a sweet talker," I snort, nudging his shoulder.

"I’m serious," he insists.

"I know," I reply. "But between the two of us we both know you just can’t wait for that wedding feast."

Cyrus throws his head back, letting out a heart-filled laughter.

"Do you want to know what I’m looking forward to the most?" I ask.

He nods eagerly.

"I’m looking forward to spending the rest of my life with you," I say. "Making the most beautiful babies, and braiding my daughter’s hair the way my mother used to braid mine when I was little."

"How many babies do you want?" he asks.

"Three... maybe four."

"Three sounds perfect," he says. "Two boys and a girl."

"No," I say quickly, wrinkling my nose. "Only girls."

He huffs. "Why?"

"Because after growing up with Rayn I’m not sure I want to raise a boy."

"I don’t blame you," he chuckles. "Your brother really is a menace."

"Right?" I say, my voice coming out louder than I intended.

"Oh," Cyrus’s eyes light up. "Remember when he smashed a piece of cake in your face on your sixteenth birthday, in front of all the nobles?"

I cover my face with one hand, letting out a groan. "Cyrus, please don’t make me re-live that moment right now."

He laughs, clearly finding this amusing.

"What about the time he braided your hair with Jesenya’s while you two were sleeping, and the maids couldn’t undo it so they hand no other choice but to cut it off."

"Oh, you have no idea how much I wanted to strangle him with my bare hands," I growl. "But honestly... that braid was really beautiful. I still wonder who taught him how to do that."

The two of us settle into a comfortable silence after that. I turn my back on him and rest my head against his shoulder, then we face the open sky and gaze at the stars.

"I really want to have at least one girl" I say quietly. "I’ll name her Rosarya, after my mother."

"That’s beautiful," Cyrus replies.

"It is." I whisper. "Oh... I would give anything just for my mother to be there tomorrow."

"I’m sure she’s happy and looking down on you from the heavens," he murmurs in my ear.

A faint smile curves my lips. "I hope so."

He gently turns me around to face him, then he takes both my hands, brushing slow circles over my knuckles with his thumbs.

"Rhia, tomorrow night is our wedding night," he says

My gaze falls to the ground. "I know."

"I keep thinking about how you might feel," he admits. "I don’t want you to be scared. I want you to feel safe with me."

"I do feel safe with you."

"Good," he says firmly. "Because I want our first night together to be something you remember for the right reasons."

My heart flutters wildly in my chest.

"I love you," I say quietly.

"I love you even more," he says, pulling me in for a kiss.

The moment my eyes drift shut... the warmth disappears.

The peace vanishes.

And all that love fades along with it.

When I open my eyes again, I’m not standing in those moonlit gardens anymore.

I’m no longer in Astragarde.

I’m sitting on the cold floor in Azrael’s castle, with my back against the door of my cage.

Tears roll down my face as I cry silently.

Every time I think of Cyrus... the life we could have had... I can’t help but see Azræl ripping his heart out of his chest.

I hate him.

I hate Azræl Bloodbourne so much that it hurts.

But what can I do?

I am weak.

Trapped.

Powerless.

I miss my father’s overbearing nature.

I can hear Rayn’s mischievous laughter echoing inside my head. I would be lying if I said I didn’t miss the way he troubled me with his stupid pranks.

I miss Jesenya and how she could ramble on for hours about the stories she read.

And I miss Darren. So little and adorable.

I’ve since given up on wiping away my tears because they just won’t stop.

My whole body feels so heavy as I push myself to my feet.

I will not marry the man who killed Cyrus.

I do not want his stupid protection.

And I refuse to live in a kingdom full of monsters who would tear me limb from limb just to taste the blood in my veins.

As I walk toward one of the windows, my legs feel as if they’re weighed down by stones, each step heavier than the last.

The cold night breeze kisses my skin as I climb onto the ledge. The ground is so far below that I can’t even see it.

A tear trickles down my cheek as I close my eyes.

"I’d rather die than surrender my body and soul to Azræl Bloodbourne," I whisper.

Then I take a deep breath and step off the ledge.