Chapter 299: I Can Choose Not To

"Mrs Crowe," Henry said. "I am sure you have had a busy day. Would you go to bed? I shall attend to Lady Livia tonight."

There were several things her expression said, the most obvious one being she did not believe he could attend to a cup of broth.

She curtsied once more. "As Your Majesty commands." She hurried out before either of them could change their minds.

Henry watched the door close behind her. He crossed quietly into the bedchamber. Livia lay exactly where she had promised to be: in bed, covers drawn to her chest, eyes closed, face arranged into a performance of sleep so determined that it deserved applause. She had even softened her breathing, though not enough. Henry could see the tension in her mouth. He could see the faint crease between her brows. He could see that she was listening to every step he took.

He removed his soft house shoes, set them aside, and moved carefully around the bed. He lifted the coverlet and settled into bed beside her. Henry pulled the covers over himself and slid one arm around her waist, drawing her gently back against him. She remained perfectly still. He pressed his face into her hair to hide his smile.

For several minutes, neither spoke.

Then Livia said, without opening her eyes, "Surely, you do not intend to sleep here tonight."

Henry tightened his arm around her. "Tonight, tomorrow night, every night until you return to my chambers."

Her eyes remained closed. "What makes you think I will return?"

"You may not want to, but after we are married, you will surely have to return."

"I can choose not to."

"Ah," he murmured. "There, I have you."

She opened one eye.

Henry continued with great confidence. "The law does say the queen must spend one night a week with the king. You cannot get out of that."

Livia turned her head slightly. "The law says?"

"Hm."

"Who wrote it?"

"A wise man."

She shifted just enough to look back at him properly. "You made that up, did you not?"

Henry’s mouth curved. "Would you not like to know?"

"I already know."

"How often do you plan on getting angry with me?" he murmured.

"As often as necessary."

His lips brushed her skin again. "I missed you."

She turned around then, carefully, until she faced him. "Why would you do that?" she asked.

Henry’s smile faded.

Livia held his gaze. "Why would you strongarm him into marriage?"

Henry exhaled slowly. "Every decision I have made so far...unflattering as many of them have been, I made out of fear that I would lose you. You are the one thing I have ever obsessively wanted. In fact, you are the one thing I have ever needed. Everything else was handed to me, whether I asked for it or not. My mother’s ambition. My father’s mistakes. The whole damned weight of England. I did not ask for any of it. I was born into it, trapped by it, and then crowned beneath it."

He looked down between them. "But you...I chose. And that made me selfish."

Livia swallowed. "Whether Richard is married or not, it changes nothing with me."

Henry’s gaze returned to hers. "You say that now."

"I mean it."

Henry’s thumb brushed over her wrist. "Livia, it was not so long ago that you threatened to be with any man who would have you simply to spite me."

Her lips parted.

Then she looked away, a little embarrassed. "Yes. I did say that, did I not?"

"You did."

"I was angry."

"You want to know what the sad and pathetic part is?"

"What?"

"I would still have wanted you if you had gone through with it."

Livia stared at him. "No."

"I mean it."

"No, Henry. You do not. You would have hated me."

"I would have hated every man who touched you," he said plainly. "I would have imagined killing them in several deeply unchristian ways. I would have been jealous. But I would still have wanted you." Henry watched her closely. "You do not seem to understand that your body is not the root of my wanting."

"Your body is a blessing," he said. "Your beauty is a dangerous inconvenience that has made me lose my dignity more than once. But what I saw first was your mind. you were not trying to charm me. You were not trying to please me. You wanted that book, and that want was stronger than caution."

He leaned closer, his voice lowering. "You were curious. Hungry in a way I recognised. You wanted words. You wanted knowledge. You wanted a door where everyone else had left you walls. Do you not understand how impossible it is not to love you? Your mind blew me away. I wanted it. I wanted to keep it near me. I wanted to feed it, watch what it became."

"So, I was afraid," he admitted. "Afraid that if Richard remained unmarried, the world would always leave him a door back to you. That you would pity him. That he would make you remember a life that did not include me."

Livia’s eyes lifted. "So it does not bother you?" she asked quietly.

"What?"

"That my body does not truly meet the expectation of what you are used to."

"Bella messed with your head."

"Tell me..."

"Maybe," Henry said, his voice soft with teasing, "if I take a peek, I could decide whether my preference has changed." He meant it as mischief.

Mostly.

There was warmth in his eyes, a deliberate lightness in his tone. He expected her to perhaps accuse him of being shameless, which would have been fair.

Instead, Livia rose carefully onto her knees and reached for the ties of her nightdress.

Henry’s smile disappeared. "Oh."

Her fingers drew at the strings. The first knot loosened.

Henry sucked in a breath. "Very well. We are doing this, then."

Livia glanced at him, a little uncertain, a little amused. "You asked."