How To Ruin A Love Comedy
Chapter 304
Having finished everything thirty minutes before club activities ended, I left early and dropped Miyuki off at her house. Then I drove straight back to the Academy. After a few minutes of waiting, Renka and Chinami emerged from the gates and headed my way.
Click.
"Ah...?"
Renka opened the passenger door, but she froze the moment she noticed Chinami standing right beside her.
"Eh?"
Chinami had much the same reaction. Both of them had ridden in my car so often that they instinctively tried to take the passenger seat.
After a few seconds of hesitation, Renka looked flustered and pulled her hand away from the door handle.
"Y-You take it..."
"No, no...! You should sit here, close friend..."
"I told you to get in...""And I insist you take it, close friend...?"
"Should we just play rock-paper-scissors for it...?"
"Ah, that sounds like a good idea..."
Should I call it heartwarming to watch them yield the seat to each other by the open door, or just plain comical? Without a word, they simultaneously laced their fingers together, flipped their palms outward, and stretched their hands in front of their eyes. They looked like twins.
In the end, Chinami won the match. Even after winning, she checked Renka's reaction and tried to yield the seat one more time. Only when Renka told her to just get in did Chinami climb into the passenger seat and buckle her seatbelt. Then, she looked at me and flashed an awkward smile.
"Did the trip to junior Hanazawa's place go well?"
"Yeah. When I mentioned I was heading to a cafe with Master and the President, she asked me to bring her along next time."
"Ah, then the four of us should go together next time."
"Sounds like a plan. Did you get in alright, President?"
I glanced into the back seat as I asked, and Renka gave a sullen reply.
"Can't you see I'm sitting here?"
Hah... What am I going to do with this slave who's only ever rebellious toward me? For starters, I'll have to smack her rear until it turns red.
"I'll get going, then. Master, could you punch the location into the GPS?"
"Okay."
I drove the two of them out to a cafe on the outskirts of the city, found a quiet corner table, and took a seat. Seeing that, Renka snorted, as if this was exactly what she had expected.
"Leave it to the perverted bastard..."
"Feeling bold just because Master isn't sitting right next to you? What's with the cursing?"
Renka cast a sidelong glance at Chinami, who was entirely absorbed in placing our order, and flipped me the middle finger. Why did even that feel sexy? Was it because her fingers were so long? Whatever the case, the massive gap between this attitude and the pathetic mess she turned into at night made her look incredibly cute right now.
"Why did you have to tag along without a hint of tact... So annoying."
Renka muttered her complaint as she sat across from me with her arms crossed. I knew perfectly well she didn't actually mean it and was just whining, so I simply flashed a condescending smirk and brushed off her fake grievances.
It didn't take long for Chinami to finish ordering. She returned and placed the Pager in the center of the table. Taking her seat between Renka and me, she looked back and forth between us.
"What were you two talking about?"
"We weren't talking about anything."
"Aha. You were communicating with your hearts. That means the two of you have grown so close that you don't even need words to converse."
Chinami always had a knack for phrasing things beautifully. With a few words stemming from her positive mindset, she could instantly refresh an atmosphere that was on the verge of turning awkward. That was probably why Miyuki stayed such good friends with her, even though she knew Chinami and I were sleeping together.
"That's... No, yeah. You're right."
Even Renka, who had been sulking the entire time, must have been touched by Chinami's sweet words. She bit back her denial and agreed.
"Hehe. Should we just chat until the cake comes out, then? Oh, but I was so surprised to hear that close friend would be getting an oil massage too."
"Huh...? An oil massage...?"
For a split second, sheer confusion flashed in Renka's eyes. She blinked rapidly a couple of times, going completely blank. Chinami looked at her in surprise.
"Did you not know?"
Just as Renka opened her mouth to speak, I stretched my leg under the table and tapped her calf. I shot her a serious look and subtly shook my head, keeping the gesture hidden from Chinami so only Renka could see it.
"..."
She stared at me with eyes that demanded to know what the hell was going on.
"Close friend?"
Chinami's voice snapped her out of it, and she forced an awkward smile. Still shooting me uncertain glances, she stammered.
"Huh? Ah... Well... I knew about it, but..."
"But what?"
"I just... I didn't realize it was... oil..."
"So you thought it was just a regular massage?"
"Yeah... I guess so... Hold on a second... I need to use the restroom..."
Renka excused herself and stood up, shooting me a sharp look. Her expression basically ordered me to follow her around the corner to the restrooms. She even gave a slight nod. I broke eye contact with her, turned to Chinami, and spoke.
"May I use the restroom too?"
"Of course."
"If you think you'll be bored, I'll go after the President comes back."
"Oh, please... Bored? You have to take care of your physiological needs right away, or you'll get sick. Hurry up and go."
I agreed with Chinami's terrifying logic and hurried off after Renka. The moment I rounded the corner, Renka poked her head back out to check on the back of Chinami's small head. Then, she whipped around and glared at me.
"Hey...! When the hell did I ever agree to a massage?! Are you crazy, you bastard?"
"I asked if you'd go somewhere with me, and you said yes."
"Stop twisting my words! If I'd known it was a place like that, I never would have gone!"
"You promised, so there's nothing to be done. We're going together today."
"Don't talk to me in that Chinami-like tone. It doesn't suit you at all. It makes me want to punch you."
"Do you want to get in trouble again?"
"... Even so, this is..."
"I'm not going to do anything weird, so don't worry. If you really don't trust me, you can just sit there and watch TV."
Renka looked up at me with a skeptical expression.
"Can I really?"
Of course not.
"I just said you could."
"What about Chinami...?"
"I'm just going to give her a massage. Unless Master asks for something else, that is."
"S-Something else...? So you're telling me I just have to sit there and watch the two of you...?"
"How exactly did you interpret what I just said to come up with that?"
"Urk...!"
"Anyway, whether you get a massage or not is up to you, President."
"... If that's the case, you could have just gone with Chinami. What's the point of dragging me along?"
"Because I want to give you a massage too, President."
"I'm not doing it."
"Then don't."
"I'm really not doing it, okay? I mean it."
Renka asked again, clearly still unable to trust me. She seemed to be trying to figure out whether I was lying.
"I said I got it."
"... You really mean it? Then can I just go home?"
"No."
"Oh, come on... Are you screwing with me!?"
Renka was visibly more tense than usual. Truthfully, she had every right to be. We called it a massage, but she was absolutely certain that something erotic was going to happen.
Deep, intense physical contact disguised as a massage. That was probably what she was expecting, and she was entirely correct.
Naturally, she'd rather run home than have to watch or listen to that. She couldn't understand why I was forcing her to tag along, nor could she understand Chinami, who seemed completely unfazed by the prospect of us all going to a Hotel together.
To put it simply, from Renka's perspective, this was completely unreasonable. It made absolutely no sense.
She might not be able to fathom my true intentions, but once she experienced it, she would definitely enjoy it physically. I gently stroked her hair as she stamped her feet in frustration and spoke.
"I'll make it feel good."
"W-What...?"
"I'm heading back to the table first, so wait thirty seconds before you follow."
"Hey...! Hey...! Make what feel good...!?"
Renka desperately tried to grab me, but I was already out of reach, and her hand swiped through empty air. Leaving her standing there with a dumbfounded expression, I walked back to my seat and enjoyed some private conversation with Chinami.
We left the cafe in high spirits, hopped in the car, and drove straight to the Hotel. Chinami had been smiling just a few moments prior, but the second the car pulled into the Hotel Parking Lot, her expression rapidly stiffened.
More accurately, it wasn't that she stiffened up—she was dying of embarrassment. The blush coloring her cheeks was so intensely red it looked like it would pop if I poked it. And it wasn't just Chinami reacting this way; Renka was in the exact same boat.
"Haa... I'm losing my mind..."
Whether Chinami and I were listening or not, Renka kept muttering over and over about how she was going crazy. By the time I parked and it was time to get out, she was utterly restless.
"D-Do I really have to get out...?"
"Do you not want to? I really wanted you to come inside with us, President."
My gentle tone only made Renka's eyes narrow with deeper suspicion. As if bracing herself, she squeezed her eyes shut for a second, then snapped them open. Wearing a resigned expression that practically screamed 'whatever happens, happens', she stepped out of the car. She immediately pointed an index finger at me and issued a warning.
"I'm telling you right now..."
She was reminding me that she absolutely refused to receive a massage. I nodded in agreement and led them both into the Hotel lobby. Since both of them had been here before, they followed me without showing any real signs of unfamiliarity.
Seeing her friend walk through the lobby with zero hesitation, did Renka assume Chinami had already gone completely off the deep end? Staring blankly at Chinami's back, Renka let out a soft, silent sigh.
"You evil bastard..."
She stepped close to me and cursed in a voice so faint it was barely a whisper. As my only response, I secretly slid my hand around and groped the small of her back while Chinami wasn't looking. After grabbing the room key from the kiosk, the three of us rode the elevator up. We headed straight for the designated room, and I tapped the keycard against the reader.
Beep—!
The door unlocked with a cheerful chime. I grabbed the handle, ushered them inside, and followed. The moment we stepped in, I heard Renka's subtly trembling voice.
"I-Is this the massage room...?"
Following them into the room, I replied.
"Yes."
"... Right... I see..."
"I'm going to get everything ready right away. Master, since you're the sunbae-nim here, could you explain the process to the President while I prep?"
Chinami's entire body flinched at my words.
"Ah, sure..."
Renka quickly stepped in front of Chinami, blocking her from my view, and spoke up.
"I-I'm really not curious...?"
"You never know, you might change your mind."
"That's not going to..."
"Listen to it anyway."
Dropping that final order on Renka, I retreated into the dimly lit massage room. I tossed a few towels into the steamer and pressed my ear to the door. The soundproofing here was solid, but I had intentionally left the door cracked open. Focusing just a little, I could easily hear the two women talking outside.
"Umm... Mmm... I'm not exactly sure how to explain this, but... First, you need to change your clothes."
"My clothes...?"
"Yes. There's special underwear exclusively for the massage."
"Y-You get the massage just wearing underwear...?"
"It's an oil massage... so that part's a given... But if you're worried about exposing your bare skin, it's perfectly fine. Our junior uses a manner towel."
"What the hell is a manner towel...?"
"The masseur spreads a long towel and holds it up above his head. That way, no matter what I'm doing, the masseur can't see a thing."
"Doesn't that entirely depend on who the masseur is...? Matsuda will definitely just... Ah, never mind..."
That wicked girl... When you're giving a massage, you inevitably end up seeing things. To think she couldn't even understand that basic truth. She trailed off, sure, but she'd still pay the price for trying to talk behind my back.
"So... how does this go? What exactly happens first...?"
At Renka's pressing questions, Chinami tried to explain, her voice thick with embarrassment.
"At first..."
That was enough. I'd let Renka experience the rest directly with her own body. Having made that decision, I swiftly pulled the door open and stuck my head out through the gap.
"Master, are you done explaining?"
"Ah, I'm not finished yet..."
"I'm all set. Ready to come in?"
"A-Already...? I haven't even changed my clothes yet..."
"I'll step out for a minute. I'll handle the rest of the explanation."
"Aha... Okay... In that case... See you in a bit, close friend."
Chinami offered a polite bow and hesitantly shuffled into the massage room. Leaving her to it, I stepped back out into the main room and closed the door behind me. Then, I approached a still-bewildered Renka.
"Are you okay?"
"... Do I look okay? I just can't understand you at all...! Why the hell are we even here..."
Hmm... I didn't appreciate her rebellious attitude, but considering how utterly chaotic her thoughts must be right now, I decided to let it slide.
"Lie down for a bit. Relax."
"Wh-Who says I'm tense...! And you need to explain this to me...! You said you'd finish the explanation...!"
"I'll be giving you a different type of massage, President, so you can just experience it directly."
"A different massage...?"
"It's nothing erotic."
Seeing my firm reaction, Renka rubbed her forehead. I watched as she slumped onto the bed, looking utterly defeated, and picked up the TV remote. When my Cell Phone vibrated in my pocket, I continued speaking.
"This is going to take about an hour, so you can go to sleep if you want. I'll wake you up when I'm done."
"An entire hour...?"
"It usually takes two to three hours, actually. But since you came along, President, we decided to keep it short."
"I really don't mind... I can just wait outside, so you two can do your usual..."
"If you run away, you're really going to be in trouble."
Renka flinched violently. I had completely read her mind. Flashing her a smirk, I told her to let me know whenever she wanted to watch. Then, I opened the door to the room where Chinami was waiting.
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