How To Ruin A Love Comedy
Chapter 325
We were on our way out after the movie.
I kept my arm wrapped around Renka's waist as we navigated the moderate crowd. When she cleared her throat yet again, I asked, "What's wrong?"
"...I don't know."
She was probably just embarrassed by such blatant physical affection in front of so many people.
We took the elevator down to the underground parking lot, got into the car, and headed toward her place.
As I drove in silence beneath the pitch-black sky, Renka kept fidgeting in the passenger seat.
I couldn't tell if she was anxious about the whole Ino-chan situation or if she just wanted my touch.
Maybe it was both.
"President."
"What?""What are you thinking about?"
"I'm not thinking about anything."
"Did you have fun today?"
"No."
"If you hate hanging out with me so much, why did you agree to meet up?"
"I thought you were asking if the movie was fun."
"Then how was spending time with me?"
"It wasn't fun. Not with you constantly babbling about how I'm supposedly that weird user."
Calling herself weird...
Her desperate attempts to deny it were hilarious.
"Babbling? Can't you speak a little more nicely?"
"...It's just annoying how you keep bringing that user up."
"Good. See, you can speak nicely. But I only keep bringing her up because you two are so similar."
"Our way of speaking?"
"That, too... but her username is Ino-chan, right?"
"...So what?"
"The more I think about it, it just sounds like short for Inoo, doesn't it?"
"I have no idea... what kind of nonsense you're spouting... Really..."
That struck a nerve. Tension laced her voice.
"Your last name isn't just 'Ino' with a long vowel; it's Inoo. And Inoo is a remarkably rare surname, isn't it? If you searched the whole country, you'd probably find fewer than ten households with it. Out of those ten, your relatives probably make up four or five."
"Are you a census worker? How would you even know that? And what do you mean ten households? I'm sure there are plenty if you look...!"
"I doubt it."
"S-so you're saying I'm that Ino-chan user!? She probably just goes by Ino-chan because her surname actually is Ino...! There are plenty of people with the surname Ino."
"Now that you mention it, that makes sense."
"Right?"
"Yeah. But why are you panicking so much?"
"That's... because you insisted on pinning it as Inoo, and you talked like you were absolutely certain I was her... I was just criticizing your narrow-minded logic..."
You are her.
Why was she bringing all this bad karma upon herself?
The inevitable fallout was growing by the minute. It would be much better for her if she just swallowed her pride and admitted it now, but... it seemed Renka had other plans.
I had initially planned to just pressure her a little today and drop it, but the more we talked, the more I changed my mind.
I needed to get a full confession out of her.
Renka was absolutely desperate to deny that she was Ino-chan, but ripping the band-aid off would be better for her in the long run.
This bomb was going to go off eventually. If I let it end on this lukewarm note, she would just spend every day with her heart tied in knots from the stress.
It was far better to just detonate it now and get it over with.
Sure, she'd be mortified out of her mind at first, but time would heal that.
"This Ino-chan person loves anime just like you, President, and she has your exact cadence... I think a reasonable suspicion is warranted. Don't you?"
At my nonchalant tone, Renka fell silent, brooding over something before she gave a stiff nod.
"Right... I suppose you could be."
"But you're saying it isn't you?"
"How many times do I have to tell you it isn't? You paranoid bastard."
"Hypothetically speaking. Just hypothetically."
"What?"
"If you actually were Ino-chan..."
"Oh, come on...!"
Renka snapped in annoyance.
Tapping her thigh with one hand to soothe her, I continued.
"I'm just speaking hypothetically, so hear me out."
"Haa..."
"If Ino-chan really turned out to be you, President, I'd give you a very severe punishment."
"Severe punishment...?"
"Yes."
"...Do you really think I'd care about something like that?"
Judging by the way her eyes were trembling like an earthquake and her fingers were practically tying themselves in knots, she definitely cared.
If Renka truly wasn't Ino-chan, she would have called my bluff and told me I was spouting bullshit, or just calmly brushed it off.
But right now, she was far too conscious of the Ino-chan persona.
Because of that, she had internalized my words from Ino-chan's perspective and responded accordingly.
Making it a point to declare that she wasn't afraid of being punished.
It was solid evidence, but still a bit circumstantial...
I could just latch onto her panicked tone and tear her down, but let's push a little further... let's steer her into accidentally outing herself.
"So you aren't really scared?"
"Yeah. This is getting exhausting. Do you want to check my Cell Phone?"
"Why your Cell Phone?"
"You can check if I have the app installed."
Bringing it up first like that could only mean one thing: she had deleted it.
She wouldn't have deleted it before meeting up with me today. She must have done the deed when she went to the bathroom before the movie started.
"How did you know AnyShare had a mobile app?"
"I-it's a massive community, of course they'd have a dedicated app...! I just knew that from the start...!"
"I see. But apps can be deleted anytime, you know."
"Then are you saying I deleted it?"
"No. I'll drop the suspicions now. I'm sorry."
"...Right."
Pretending to back off, I drove in silence for a moment before veering out of the lane that went straight to Renka's house.
"What? Where are we going?"
Renka asked as I turned the steering wheel to the left.
Keeping my eyes on the road and relaxing my grip on the wheel, I replied casually.
"To buy some manga."
"What for?"
"Volume 2 of Ms. Asagao's Household Circumstances just came out."
"...Perverted bastard."
"Language."
"Unrecyclable Trash."
"I told you to speak nicely, so why are you getting even ruder?"
"I'm just stating facts."
"Sure. That one was pretty good, right?"
"What? The Asagao one?"
"Yeah. You borrowed it from me, remember?"
"Not really. It was way too explicit."
"What about The Master's Secret and Girlfriend Training Journal?"
"Those were surprisingly good."
Got her.
Ms. Asagao's Household Circumstances. It was a manga in the training genre.
It was also one that I had bought together with Renka in real life.
But The Master's Secret and Girlfriend Training Journal were a different story.
Those were manga that I had recommended to Ino-chan on AnyShare. I had never once mentioned them to Renka in real life.
"President."
"What?"
"You just slipped up."
"Slipped up? How? Ah...!?"
Realizing her mistake, Renka let out a sharp gasp.
Hitting a red light at just the right moment, I stopped the car and turned to look at her.
"Right?"
Renka had undoubtedly been on her guard.
She must have resolved to play dumb if I inadvertently brought up MK or the books he had recommended to her.
She must have sworn to herself not to make such a common mistake.
But when I acted like I was dropping the subject, her tension slipped, and in that moment of relief, she made a mistake.
"..."
She fell silent.
With that reaction, Ino-chan's identity was practically out in the open.
Yet it seemed Renka still had absolutely no intention of admitting it.
"Slipped up...?"
She brazenly feigned ignorance again.
It was about time she gave up, but she was truly stubborn.
"Do you want me to say it myself?"
"Y-yeah...! Go ahead. How exactly did I slip up?"
"The Master's Secret, Girlfriend Training Journal."
"W-what about them?"
"Those were the ones I recommended to you on AnyShare."
"Ah... did you? I had no idea."
"If you had no idea, why did you jump when I said you slipped up?"
I could see Renka's eyes darting around and her legs trembling.
I could practically feel her brain spinning into overdrive.
"That's... because those were manga I'd already read a long time ago! You brought them up, so I just naturally responded."
"Just going with the flow?"
"Well... something like that..."
"Girlfriend Training Journal isn't an old manga, though."
"If it's been over a year, it's old...!"
"I could let this go right now, but wouldn't that leave you feeling incredibly uneasy, President?"
"Whatever..."
She waved a hand in front of her face as if she were utterly baffled, but the gesture was so horribly stiff that it just radiated awkwardness.
Chuckling, I suddenly reached out and placed my hand on Renka's upper chest.
"W-what are you doing...!"
Shocked, her entire body froze, and her heart was beating incredibly fast.
Leaning forward to inspect her face, I saw she was even breaking a cold sweat.
Moving my hand to her neck, I could feel her body temperature skyrocketing.
I could even hear her teeth chattering, as if a bitter cold had struck.
Her body was entirely too honest.
Bringing my face right in front of hers, I murmured.
"If you tell me the truth right now, I'll go easy on you."
"...E-enough with the bullshit..."
"You're Run Ino-chan, right?"
"I told you, I'm not..."
"I'll ask for the last time. You're Run Ino-chan, right?"
"..."
Gulp.
The sound of Renka swallowing loudly echoed in my ears.
The life was rapidly draining from her eyes.
They even rolled back into her head for a second before snapping back into focus.
Feeling her hot, ragged breaths tickling my face, I lowered my voice even further and spoke.
"It is you."
"W-well..."
Renka couldn't even finish her sentence. At this point, it was basically a done deal.
She seemed to share the thought, wearing a pitiful expression that looked as if she were desperate to escape this place immediately.
"Right?"
Despite my gentle urging, she hesitated for a long, agonizing moment. It wasn't until the traffic light finally turned green that she spoke.
"D-die...!!!"
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