Chapter 48 Thud, Crunch, Snap

The Dungeon Lord Experience-Sharing & Exchange Conference hosted by Frostlake City was being held on the Lord of Frostlake City's estate — which, word had it, actually belonged to some higher-up in the Merchant Alliance. Strictly speaking, though, Frostlake City belonged to no one person; even the city lord was more of a caretaker. The neutral city was property of the entire Merchant Alliance.

You could feel this Merchant Alliance bigwig's daily life of luxury and decadence from a mile out.

Not one building — a whole chain of connected estates. Cyan-tinted flagstones paved the ground, and on looks or materials alike, the Eternal Kingdom's diamond flooring wasn't in the same weight class.

Riding the glacial beetle beast in through the gold-trimmed gates — which stopped just short of literally beaming golden light — and over the drop-dead-gorgeous flagstones, they parked butt-to-butt behind a green beetle beast, right in front of an enormous circular fountain.

Sharlock stepped down along the beetle's leg joints and elegantly straightened his clothes. Then he watched another beetle pull up right behind his own, and off it tottered a withered demon with goat horns — immediately met by a werewolf in a suit deftly steadying his arm, plus two more werewolves, one carrying a briefcase and one hitching up the demon's waistband for him. Pros, clearly.

The goat-horned demon looked at the young Sharlock, then at the elderly beetle beside him, and the three goblins riding it, then back at Sharlock — something unreadable in his eyes.

Sharlock looked back at his own servants.

Thanks to their height, goblins can't step down along the joints the way Sharlock does. Arthur was attempting to climb down in the least dignified posture imaginable; Sylvana was hesitating at the drop; and xX_ShadowBlade_Xx, tailcoat and all, stood up on the beetle's back, took a deep breath, and LEAPED.

The instant xX_ShadowBlade_Xx's legs hit the ground, they folded into angles no goblin leg bones should ever achieve, with a crisp series of sounds, and then he sat down hard on his butt — followed by his spine producing a series of eerie noises — and then he was simply lying down.

No pain perception meant no screaming at any point in the process.

The sounds his limbs had made went roughly: thud, crunch, snap.

"What is WRONG with you, jumping from that height?"

Arthur had already made it down on all fours and was frowning down at xX_ShadowBlade_Xx, trying to pull him up — but xX_ShadowBlade_Xx quickly discovered he couldn't stand.

"How was I supposed to know the game's anatomy would be THIS realistic? In a normal game a jump like that costs you a sliver of HP — you believe this? I actually broke my bones?"

xX_ShadowBlade_Xx lay on the ground fuming.

"You idiot — first day playing this game?" Arthur gave xX_ShadowBlade_Xx's skull a slap.

"This won't screw up the quest, right, though? Otherwise just drag me along, please, I'm begging you, bro." xX_ShadowBlade_Xx pleaded with Arthur.

Sharlock couldn't watch anymore. He raised a hand and channeled mana into xX_ShadowBlade_Xx's body, swiftly patching up his grievous injuries.

"Thanks Locke, thanks Locke."

xX_ShadowBlade_Xx scrambled upright, beaming — and then Sylvana, still up top, whispered anxiously:

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"Wh-what about me? A little girl like me can't jump that!"

Sharlock walked over and looked at Sylvana. Something in his gaze seemed to get through to her; Sylvana nodded, set her jaw, and then leaped just like xX_ShadowBlade_Xx had — except aimed at where Sharlock was standing.

Thud, crunch, snap.

"Damn it! What is WRONG with me — I just made eye contact with an NPC!"

Sylvana, lying in the same posture xX_ShadowBlade_Xx had used, spat out a mouthful of blood and said this with real feeling.

Standing off to the side, Sharlock raised a hand and fed in a little mana, restoring Sylvana's injuries to full as well.

The perks of players not feeling pain really shine at moments like this: no need to carry them. As long as they didn't fall to their deaths, he could heal them, and they'd pop back up like nothing happened — sparing him the trouble of scooping them into his arms. So convenient.

After an incident like that, the three players naturally launched into a frenzied debrief.

"Aren't you a Gen Z girl?" xX_ShadowBlade_Xx asked, somewhat surprised, watching Sylvana — who was STILL cursing after getting back up.

"You ever meet a girl who names herself Sylvana? And who can grind quests and farm materials twenty hours a day, three days straight?" Arthur said from the side.

"Damn, are you a machine or something?!" Sylvana looked at Arthur in surprise, then said: "Me calling myself 'the boss' doesn't mean I'm not a girl. I'm still a cute little Gen Z lady, thank you."

"Yeah, I'm calling it — eighty percent a basement-dwelling dude." xX_ShadowBlade_Xx said, needling.

The three of them went back and forth, chirping nonstop, as if the people who'd just bounced off the ground in a heap of shattered limbs were somebody else entirely.

"Move along now, my servants. From this moment, you represent the Eternal Kingdom dungeon. Talk less, do more, touch nothing."

Sharlock cut off the endless chatter and led his three goblins toward the manor, leaving behind a thoroughly dumbstruck old goat-horned demon.

The goat-horned old demon turned a questioning look on the werewolf beside him; the werewolf hurriedly shook his head.

Once Sharlock's group had moved on, goblin valets came up to guide Sharlock's senior-citizen beetle off to the designated rest area to wait.

Arthur, xX_ShadowBlade_Xx, and Sylvana paid the goat-horned demon's reaction no mind — there were simply too many demons and Underworld creatures to gawk at around them. Some were humanoid demons like Sharlock — instantly tellable from the huge demon wings on their backs — and the rest looked bizarre in every possible way, usually sprouting something exotic somewhere; goat horns honestly counted as one of the more normal configurations.

Demons were still the minority. What there really was, was every kind of Underworld creature: giants ten-plus meters tall; stonefolk made entirely of rock; minotaurs with bovine heads and shaggy hides; succubi in skimpy outfits and stilettos, slender tails swaying left and right; and all sorts of other weird Underworld life — magical creatures the three players had never laid eyes on before.

"Damn it, when I get back I am bragging about this FOREVER."

"Quick, take screenshots."

"So annoying that this game can't record video."

"Can we PLEASE just do the quest? Stop talking."

The three went back and forth — voices way down from before, but still whispering nonstop. Mostly xX_ShadowBlade_Xx and Sylvana, naturally.

Up the steps they went, and Sharlock with three goblin servants drew plenty of stares. Before he even reached the main hall's entrance, a slime in a damp tailcoat came sliding over.

"Lord Sharlock! Lord Sharlock!"

The slime hollered the moment it arrived.

Sharlock paused, looking at the slime. The outfit looked familiar — but as for the slime itself, all slimes look basically the same. How was he supposed to place one?

"I am Count Nicholas's butler. His Lordship instructed me to wait here for Lord Sharlock. We have met once before, my lord."

The slime folded itself in half at the middle, executing a bow in Sharlock's direction.

Sharlock remembered — he HAD crossed paths with this slime before. He removed his hat and returned the bow.

But just then, some unharmonious voices drifted over:

"Jackson questline?"

"We might actually get to meet Jackson — his butler's here. Also — is that thing a slime or what?"

"Shh. Quiet."

The slime's green face went red, and it asked Sharlock, embarrassed:

"Lord Sharlock, who is this 'Jackson'...?"

"Nothing. Ignore them. But what did His Lordship send you out here to wait for me for? Is the Count attending too? Shouldn't he still be out running his trade routes?"

Sharlock waved it off and said his piece.

But before the slime could answer, more unharmonious voices came from behind:

"Wait, did that slime just react to what I said? Also — 'Jackson' is our little pet name for your Count."

"First day finding out this game's NPCs are hyper-interactive?"

"Would you two PLEASE shut up — the quest literally says watch your mouth — the slime is LOOKING at us — if this quest fails, it's on you."

At Arthur's words, xX_ShadowBlade_Xx and Sylvana clamped their mouths shut at once.

"A pet name. So the Count was right — we were shown hospitality of the very highest class at Your Lordship's dungeon." The slime sounded relieved, then continued: "My lord, as you know, Count Nicho—... Count Jackson is himself a member of the Merchant Alliance. Though the Count couldn't make it back in time, he thinks very highly of Your Lordship, so he sent me specially to wait for you and show you around."

The slime said, with utmost respect:

"Welcome to the Dungeon Lord Experience-Sharing & Exchange Conference, Lord Sharlock."