Chapter 69: It’s Okay If You Don’t Love Him, As Long As You’re by His Side

Chapter 69: Chapter 69: It’s Okay If You Don’t Love Him, As Long As You’re by His Side

She had deceived him utterly.

A gently-bred, delicate young woman, raised in the seclusion of her chambers, had stolen his heart only to play him for a fool, all while she stood coolly on the sidelines, watching with detached eyes.

Xie Jinbai found such a cruel truth hard to accept.

He began to test her constantly.

He was constantly disappointed.

When his disappointment reached its limit, he tried to pull away from the relationship.

’When it came to composure and self-restraint,’ Xie Jinbai thought, ’there was no reason he should lose to a woman who was the very picture of frailty.’

For a long time after, his words and actions were completely at odds with each other.

When reason prevailed, he distanced himself from her.

When love prevailed, he embraced her.

In the end, Xie Jinbai even began to hate her.

He hated her persistently detached attitude.

He wanted to tear apart that calm, unruffled mask she wore.

He wanted to make her cry.

To make her hurt.

To make her taste the same pain he felt.

Until Li Wanrong entered their lives...

The tragic scenes buried deep in his memory surged forth, stinging Xie Jinbai’s eyes until they were bloodshot.

He tightened his arms, holding the girl in his embrace even closer, and murmured in a low voice, "I never thought anything would happen to you."

Even when he hated her the most, he couldn’t have brought himself to harm a single hair on her head.

He never dreamed she would die in such a sudden way.

"...Are you cold?"

’In the dead of winter, Li Wanrong dragged her into that icy water. Wasn’t she cold?’

The girl in his arms said nothing.

’Of course.’

’She never had a shred of true feeling for me in the past. Now that she’s been reborn, she’s cast me aside like a worn-out shoe.’

’Why would she ever be willing to admit her identity?’

Xie Jinbai closed his eyes, his voice hoarse. "I’m sorry. I failed to protect you."

Cui Lingyao stood rigidly. Her struggles had ceased at some point, and the hand pressing against his shoulder fell limply to her side. He quickly gathered her arm up with the rest of her, pulling her tighter into his embrace.

It was an embrace of absolute possession, yet she had no reaction.

She couldn’t even think to struggle free.

They held each other quietly for a long moment.

Xie Jinbai managed to calm his emotions. He looked down at her, his lips moving as he asked, "Is there anything you want to say to me?"

’Nestled so obediently in my arms, what is she thinking?’

’Is she nervous because I’ve accused her of being heartless? Or does she want to tell me I’ve misunderstood?’

’...That she actually does care about me.’

’After three years as husband and wife, she must have developed some affection for me.’

’Could my baring my soul like this move her enough to come back to my side...’

’I have to be better than Shen Tingyu, right?’

The surroundings were completely silent.

Xie Jinbai’s breathing grew shallow, his heart rising in his chest.

Like a convict awaiting his sentence.

The afternoon sun filtered through the canopy, dappling their figures with light.

They were so close, a hair’s breadth apart, that the slightest change in expression was impossible to hide.

Xie Jinbai waited quietly for a while. Seeing that the girl in his arms had no intention of speaking, his heart slowly sank.

He leaned down, his chilly breath closing in. Cui Lingyao’s eyelashes trembled violently as she quickly turned her face away. "Don’t."

Xie Jinbai froze. He swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing almost imperceptibly. "Have you thought about me?"

"When you came to the Capital City three years ago, had you already been reborn in Pei Shuyao’s body? In all this time, have you ever thought of me, not even once?"

"I’ve been to the battlefield so many times, suffered countless injuries, and faced death on several occasions. When you heard the news, did you feel a sense of satisfaction? ...Or did you ever worry about me?"

"Cui Lingyao..."

Xie Jinbai took a deep breath and forced a pained smile. "How can you have the heart to treat me like this?"

How could there be such a cruel girl in this world?

A girl raised in seclusion, showered with love by her parents and brothers, who had a smooth and easy life... she should have been innocent and carefree, proud and radiant.

How could she become so heartless?

So stingy with her affection!

The torrent of accusations left Cui Lingyao reeling.

The menacing pressure was immediate. Before she could think, she threw up a hand to block his advance and said instinctively, "Your Highness, I’m not..."

"Still trying to say I have the wrong person?" Fury surged from the depths of Xie Jinbai’s heart. He reached out, tilted her chin up, and stared down into her eyes.

Their eyes met.

His gaze was so probing that it made Cui Lingyao’s heart race with panic and guilt. She instinctively tried to look away.

"What are you hiding from?"

The fingers gripping her chin tightened. Xie Jinbai refused to let her turn away, holding her gaze as he said, "Don’t you know? Aside from this unfamiliar body, your every word and action, your habits, all your little mannerisms—they are identical to the woman in my memory. If I couldn’t be sure of your identity even with all that, how could I dare say I love you?"

How could I dare say I love you!

Cui Lingyao’s pupils contracted, her eyes going blank for a moment.

"Are you still going to pretend? I’ve said so much; even someone with a heart of stone should be moved by now."

Xie Jinbai’s fingers brushed over her eyelids, his tone filled with genuine bewilderment. "Cui Lingyao, I can say with certainty that my feelings for you were real. I never slighted you in the slightest. Even when I hated you most, I couldn’t bear to say a single harsh word to you. Why? Why can you be so cruel to me?"

Why was that?

Xie Jinbai leaned closer, his head bowed, and asked her softly, "...Or is it that you’ve truly fallen for Shen Tingyu?"

’Because the true heart she was so stingy with me, she gave it all to another man.’

’Because she wants to grow old with Shen Tingyu.’

’So her husband from her ’past life’ is naturally in the way.’

’So she refuses to admit, to the death, that she is his wife.’

’If my heart hadn’t recognized her first, would she have married Shen Tingyu and cut all ties with me forever?’

He thought of last night: their secret meeting under the moon, their fingers sweetly intertwined.

She had even allowed Shen Tingyu into her room.

A man and a woman, alone at night.

For the time it takes to burn half an incense stick... what did they do?

A series of imagined scenarios caused Xie Jinbai’s face to darken, the veins on his forehead throbbing violently.

He wanted to strangle the version of himself from last night.

How had he managed to endure it, watching them have a private meeting in her room while he just waited outside?

The expression on the man before her was beyond ugly; it was faintly contorted.

Cui Lingyao’s heart leaped into her throat. She didn’t know what to do.

’Should I keep denying it?’

’But it doesn’t seem like he’s just testing me anymore.’

’He’s truly and utterly certain of my identity.’

’Denial is useless now.’

’So what should I do?’

"Speak!"

More silence.

And more silence.

Xie Jinbai loathed this about her—this way she met his every word with silence.

It was enough to drive him mad!

He ground his teeth and forced a smile. "Have you really fallen in love with him?"

The hand holding her chin lost its gentleness, tightening unconsciously. Cui Lingyao felt a flash of pain, and her brow furrowed instinctively.

Xie Jinbai could no longer hold back. He lowered his head and kissed the space between her eyebrows.

"Your engagement to him is off. If you need to marry to put your current mother’s heart at ease, then marry me. We can start over."

’It doesn’t matter if she doesn’t love me. As long as she’s by my side.’

He would ask for nothing more. ℯℯ𝑙.

The hand that had been gripping her chin moved to cup the back of her neck.

The kiss traveled down from her brow, pecking lightly at the tip of her nose. Their breaths mingled. Xie Jinbai’s breathing grew heavier, his Adam’s apple bobbed, and he moved lower, seeking her lips.

"Don’t..." Cui Lingyao tried to turn her head away, but the hand on her neck suddenly tightened.

The next instant, his cool lips descended upon hers.