I Married Three Calamities (And Got A System For It)
Chapter 31: A Whole New Problem
Chapter 31: Chapter 31: A Whole New Problem
"If you understand, blink."
The silence that followed was deafening. Alice stood frozen, as if pinned to the ground, the three killers’ auras locked onto her like hunters on hapless prey.
She said and did nothing at first. Her brown eyes studied Solaris’s wrathful face, clearly poised to run her through. Then they slid to Moon’s venomous smile which was more dangerous, even, than Solaris’s open fury.
Without even turning her head, she could perfectly picture Willow’s blank, bloodthirsty expression behind her.
All three faces registered clearly in Alice’s mind, and she didn’t need to be particularly into gossip to recognize these women.
They were, arguably, the most well-known women of their generation, not just because of their families or prestigious professions, but mainly because of what they’d done.
The last thing Alice remembered about the three of them was that they’d all been married off to some nameless man, losing their noble status in the process.
At that thought, without turning her head, Alice shifted her eyes towards Mars.
Instantly, everything clicked into place.
Mars, and the women, noticed the realization dawn on her at the same time.
A smile crossed the old woman’s face — amused, not afraid — a smile that only fanned the fire already burning in Solaris.
Her eyes narrowed, flames licking around her body. "What are you laughing at, old cunt? Do we look like a joke to you?"
"Or maybe you think we won’t actually kill you," Moon added, smiling. "No, you don’t seem stupid enough to believe that. You clearly know who we are, old cunt. You know what we’re capable of."
"Mars," Willow spoke, her voice impatient, "can I kill her?"
She wasn’t in the mood for pointless talk right now. Better, in her mind, to kill this woman first and figure out what had actually happened at that restaurant after.
Neither she nor Moon could quite believe what Solaris had told them. Someone had been killed. That, on its own, was nothing.
They didn’t care about some random man’s death. Gods above, they wouldn’t even care much if it had been their own family.
What actually surprised them was that Mars had been the one to kill him. Mars...their weak, smiling, poor, but kind husband.
It felt unreal.
All of it left the women on edge, especially watching Alice’s smile only grow wider by the second.
Mars knew exactly why she was smiling. He sighed, gently pushed Moon aside, and walked into the living room.
"Don’t kill her," he said. "And Solaris, can you lower your spear? We can’t kill her."
"Why not?" Solaris hissed, annoyed at being ordered around. She kept her spear leveled at Alice, hating that face more and more with every passing second.
Mars reached the couch facing the women and sat down with a satisfied sigh. He closed his eyes briefly, feeling their intense gazes on him.
He had no idea how he’d ended up here, but there had to be a way through it. There always was.
And with his Gift, Mars could clearly read Alice’s feelings, just as easily as his wives’.
His wives, unsurprisingly, were all angry, though tinged with worry, especially from Solaris and Willow.
Alice was harder to place. The old woman was thoroughly amused, visibly holding herself back from laughing.
She was happy. Happy the way a child was, unwrapping new toys.
Mars didn’t like that feeling one bit.
"It’s simply because the captain of the Local Protectors assigned someone to protect me for a month, in case those drug dealers came after me," he said. "Which means she already knows Alice — this gentle old lady you both keep calling ’old cunt,’ language, ladies — is with me. So tell me, what would the captain think if Alice suddenly turned up dead? Solaris, don’t answer that."
"Fuck you. I wasn’t going to answer your stupid question anyway!" Solaris cursed.
But Moon smiled and answered anyway. "It means you’d be suspected of killing her."
"Exactly," Mars ignored Solaris and replied to Moon. "And this whole business with Loris’s murder is already suspicious enough. If she vanishes too, there’s no talking my way out of it this time."
"So what, then?" Willow asked, dagger still pressed to Alice’s throat, blood still trickling down. "This old cunt..."
’Please, Willow, not you too!’
"...has seen us. The plan was to keep us hidden this long. We can’t let her live."
"I agree with our lovely bitch Willow here," Moon said. "I see the risk in killing her, but worst case, I call my mother and blackmail our way out of the fallout."
"Why are we still talking? Let’s just kill her and be done with it," Solaris said, impatient.
Mars glanced at each of his wives in turn, then settled his gaze on Alice, whose smile hadn’t faded once.
"What do you think, Lady Alice?" Mars asked. "Should we kill you and deal with whatever fallout that brings, or not?"
Alice cleared her throat before speaking. "Do you want my honest answer?"
"Yes."
"Kill me," Alice replied, and all three women turned towards her, surprised. "That’s the safest route. Just like Miss Skygazer said, you could handle it through her family afterward."
"And if I choose to let you live instead?" Mars countered, drawing his wives’ eyes. He ignored them. "You’ve seen us, and you probably don’t need me to spell it out, but I will anyway."
He stood, having rested enough, and walked over to them. "I’m Mars Fox. And I’m the husband of these beautiful, stunning women."
’And dangerous, and bloodthirsty, and unhinged, and manipulative, and... sigh, let’s just leave it there.’
"Don’t blame my wives. You can probably guess why they’d rather you didn’t live."
"But you don’t agree," Alice said.
"I think there’s a more reasonable way."
"You want to buy my silence," the old protector guessed easily, chuckling. "You think I can be bought?"
"I tend to believe anything can be bought."
"Even my sworn loyalty to the Protectors?"
"Even that."
Alice laughed. "Say I accept the premise. But which secret exactly would you like me to keep, that you’re married to the three most hated women in New France..."
All three wives narrowed their eyes.
"...or that you’re the one who killed Loris?"
Both Mars and Solaris flinched, an involuntary tremor that didn’t escape Alice’s trained eye.
Her eyes curved like a fox’s. "So I was right. The moment I saw you, Miss Lightbringer, I remembered your family’s reputation for its rather horrific fire abilities. And it just so happens that Mars — your husband, what a surprise! — was found beside Loris’s corpse, which turned up burned, with a bullet through the brain."
"I was burned too," Mars pointed out.
"I’ve lived a long time, Mars," Alice said, her tone almost motherly. "I’ve seen plenty. Including people willing to hurt themselves to hide their own guilt. Now, why didn’t I think of that sooner? Oh! I know exactly why."
The wives and Mars stood dead silent, listening as though this old woman had something in her that demanded attention.
"It’s that innocent face of yours, Mars Fox," Alice said, stepping away from Willow, who did nothing, since Mars had already told her not to kill Alice.
The old woman walked slowly towards Mars, her steps deliberate and echoing, stopping just inches from him.
She leaned in, studying his hazel eyes, and smiled. "That innocent face of yours makes it hard to believe you could kill anyone. Add to that your spotless record, and a past that makes people pity you instead of suspect you. And you used all of that, didn’t you?"
Mars stayed silent.
"You used it, and you fooled the captain completely. I warned her to be more careful. But do you know what she told me?" Alice leaned in even further, her warm breath brushing his face, "she told me to be kind to you. To be the mother figure she thinks you need."
"Well, isn’t that convenient," Mars said, and soon Solaris took her place at his right, Moon at his left, Willow behind him; all four staring back at Alice with cold, resolute eyes.
"If she wants you to be a mother figure to me, maybe you should start now, Lady Alice," he said. "What do you think?"
"You want me to cover for you?" Alice smirked.
"Yes."
"Why should I?"
"Well, why shouldn’t you?" Mars said, smiling despite his hidden nerves. "I can feel exactly how happy, how twisted your enjoyment is at realizing I killed a man. I saw it, Lady Alice. I saw the thrill in you when you figured out my secret. And I know you’re not exactly eager to report that to the captain and go back to a nice, quiet life as a Protector."
"Oh," she smiled, the kind that made men’s hearts shudder, "and why not?"
"Because it’s boring," Mars replied. "And as you can see..."
He smiled, Moon smiling right along with him.
"...this house is anything but boring."
"Are you inviting me into your home?" Alice said. "Me? A Protector, living with the four of you? All killers. All exactly the kind of people Protectors are supposed to hunt down."
"So what?" Willow said.
"Got a problem with that, old cunt?" Solaris chimed in. "We kill whoever the fuck we want."
"Never killed anyone yourself, I take it?" Moon added with a snicker.
Mars only shrugged. "Yes. A Protector and four killers, all under one roof. Sounds like exactly the kind of thing that might interest a 43-year-old woman with no one waiting for her at home, I’d guess."
"Oh? What makes you think that?"
"You wouldn’t have been assigned to babysit me for a whole month if you had someone like that," Mars said. "So? How does it sound, Lady Alice?"
"Now I understand what you meant, calling yourself a special gigolo," Alice said, eyeing the women, licking her lips. "Will I get a taste—!"
"I swear on the fucking bitchy Sun God, one more word down that road and I will kill you," Solaris growled, dead serious.
"Don’t push it, old cunt," Moon added, all trace of her smile gone. "I’m not sharing a man with a fossil like you."
"Mars. Let me kill her. Please."
Mars smiled wryly, feeling Alice’s delight spike even higher at the death threats.
’After three psychopaths, now I’ve got a special breed of masochist to deal with too? System, this wasn’t part of the deal!’
[...]
Mars clicked internally his tongue and turned back to Alice. "So, Lady Alice? What do you say?"
She looked at the wives, then at him, her smile widening.
"Well, dearest, talk me through it," she whispered. "Fool me the way you fooled the captain, and I’ll be the Protector of killers."
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