Chapter 127 - 125: Then Who Am I?

Chapter 127: Chapter 125: Then Who Am I?

"Are you?" the voice in her head asked. "Are you really? Just because you have Su Miaoyi’s memories, does that make you her? Just because you’re using her identity, does that make you her?"

A chill ran through Su Miaoyi’s entire body, and her legs even gave way for a moment. She steadied herself by grabbing the whiteboard.

"What are you talking about?" The sound that came out of her mouth was strained.

"It seems you can hear me this time," the voice in her head said.

Su Miaoyi frowned. "What?"

The voice in her head didn’t explain, instead saying directly, "If you’re Su Miaoyi, where’s your birthmark? If you’re Su Miaoyi, where did I come from? Where did the knowledge in your head come from? Where did your ability to solve cases come from?"

"Isn’t it because of you? Because you appeared in my head," Su Miaoyi said.

"But I *am* you," the voice in her head said. "We’ve always been the same person."

Su Miaoyi opened her mouth but couldn’t get a word out.

Her hand gripped the whiteboard’s stand tightly.

"Besides, I’m asleep most of the time. How could I be the one solving cases?" the voice in her head said.

Su Miaoyi gasped for air. "How is that possible? I... I am... I am..."

’I’m Su Miaoyi,’ she wanted to say.

But the words just wouldn’t come out.

"Why did that cat Su Miaoyi raised suddenly attack you? Because it didn’t recognize you anymore," the voice in her head said.

"No, that’s not right. You said you only have memories starting from when I discovered the streamer’s death upstairs. So how would you know about the cat attacking me?" Su Miaoyi asked.

The voice in her head clicked its tongue in disdain. "It’s not like you didn’t bring it up yourself later."

Su Miaoyi fell silent.

"I have a complete set of memories. I have memories from my earliest recollection to the present," Su Miaoyi said.

"Mm. They’re Su Miaoyi’s, not yours," the voice in her head said. "To be precise, they are Su Miaoyi’s memories from her earliest recollection until the moment she was killed. The memories after she was killed are your own. And just like me, you have no memories from before that."

Su Miaoyi clutched her head and sank to the floor, gasping for breath.

"Oh. Well, not exactly the same. You have one more month of memories than I do," the voice in her head said.

"Even if what you’re saying is true..."

The voice in her head cut her off. "What I’m saying *is* true. It’s a fact. Why would I bother making up stories to deceive you?"

"Why should I believe you?"

"Because we’re the same person."

Su Miaoyi didn’t argue with it, continuing to ask, "If what you’re saying is true, then what about Su Miaoyi?"

"Just as you suspected, Cao Hong and his group arrived in Jinghai so quickly. How could they not have silenced her?" the voice in her head said.

Su Miaoyi’s body was trembling.

She clutched her head, which felt like it was about to explode from the pain.

"If what you’re saying is true, why are you only telling me now?" she asked.

"What makes you think this is the first time I’m telling you? I’ve been saying it for a long time, but what can I do if you can’t hear me?" the voice in her head said. "You’ve always heard me in bits and pieces. Today is just the first time you’ve heard me clearly."

’So that’s why sometimes, I must have looked like a total idiot.’

The voice would ramble on and on, but she couldn’t hear it, so she’d just ignore it.

"That vision you saw through Cao Hong of a body being buried... if it wasn’t Mo Xiaoxiao, I think it was probably Su Miaoyi," the voice in her head said.

"Don’t say any more." Su Miaoyi braced herself with one hand on the floor, the other pressed to her forehead.

"HISS—" The voice in her head also drew a sharp breath in pain. "Is this really that hard for you to accept?"

"Stop talking, stop talking!" Su Miaoyi snapped.

The voice in her head went silent.

But the pain in Su Miaoyi’s head grew even more intense.

She wanted to get up and grab her phone but didn’t have the strength. In the end, she collapsed onto the floor and passed out.

She sank into darkness, surrounded by pitch black.

She waited in the darkness, waiting...

Suddenly, the scene shifted. She saw someone who looked very much like her standing in front of her.

"I can’t stop worrying about my uncle and aunt, and I can’t stop worrying about my little brother. You can go back, right?"

She nodded.

The girl in front of her said, "You need an identity, don’t you?"

She nodded again.

"Go back in my place. I’ll give you my memories. Can you help me take care of my uncle and aunt, and my little brother?" The girl’s voice was soft and gentle.

She looked at her.

"Please, I can’t go back. But they were so good to me, and I never got the chance to repay their kindness. I never had the chance to pay them back. My brother is about to take his college entrance exams. He wants to apply to art school. He has so much potential; I know he’ll be a big star someday."

"Will you help me? Please?"

"Go back as me."

She finally spoke. "What I have to do when I go back is very dangerous. I’ll probably die again before long. I can’t guarantee I’ll be able to take care of them for you."

"But you’re the only way. I can’t stop worrying about them. I can’t go back, and I’m about to fade away. Please, help me."

She looked at her and finally agreed. "Okay."

...

Night had fallen.

The room was completely dark.

Su Miaoyi suddenly startled awake.

She stared into the surrounding darkness.

Instinctively, she searched for a light source.

She sat up and looked toward the light outside the French doors. ’Is it snowing outside? Or raining?’

She took deep breaths, trying to steady her breathing.

She thought about the scene she had seen in her dream.

A bead of sweat from her forehead dripped onto her body.

She was covered in sweat, yet she felt very cold.

So cold that she was shivering.

After sitting for a moment, she got up, turned on the lights, went into the bathroom, and turned on the hot water.

’Go back as me. Help me take care of my uncle and aunt.’

She thought about that voice, about that scene.

She stood there fully clothed as the hot water rained down on her, but she was still cold, unable to stop shaking.

’If I’m not Su Miaoyi... ’

’...then who am I?’

’Why did I have to use Su Miaoyi’s identity?’

’That scene from the dream...’

’I said I had to come back.’

’Did I die too?’

’Did I really die and come back to life?’

’This is completely absurd.’

Su Miaoyi was shivering so hard her teeth chattered.

After a while, she took off her clothes and had a proper hot shower.

She only got out when she finally stopped shivering.

But after getting dressed and sitting on the sofa for a bit, she started shivering again.

Her teeth were clattering loudly.

Belatedly, she realized she had a fever.

Outside, it was sleeting.

The heating had been turned off for the season long ago.

The temperature was very low today.

She had been lying on the floor from the afternoon until night; she’d caught a chill.

Su Miaoyi rummaged through her apartment for a long time before finding a thermometer to take her temperature.

While the thermometer was working, she looked for some fever reducer.

After searching for ages, she found a packet of powdered medicine. It had expired a year ago.

Shivering, Su Miaoyi took out the thermometer to check it.

It was already 102.7 degrees.

She hesitated between taking the expired medicine and going to the hospital for a shot.

In the end, still trembling, she called for a car.

Then she bundled up in thick clothes.

At the elevator, she ran into Shen Yanzhou, who had just returned.

Shen Yanzhou looked at her. "Going out?"

Su Miaoyi opened her mouth to speak, but the only sound that came out was the CLACK-CLACK-CLACK of her teeth chattering together.

Seeing her like this, Shen Yanzhou frowned. "You have a fever?"

Su Miaoyi still couldn’t speak, so she just nodded.

...