Chapter 40

It felt as though the ground beneath his feet had collapsed entirely.

As though seawater were spiraling down through that gap, swallowing Gyeol’s body along with it.

Once, those were words he had desperately waited to hear.

The days when he had believed without a doubt that Jun Shin would contact him.

The time when he had clung to a thread-thin hope, telling himself there must be a reason, that once things were sorted out, Jun would definitely reach out.

Back then, Gyeol Go’s mind had been packed full of Jun Shin.

After SAVE ME fell apart completely, after he ✧ NоvеIight ✧ (Original source) was advised to switch to acting, after he endured scorching and freezing sets with nothing but his own body as a minor actor, he waited for Jun Shin.

Maybe that waiting had been what allowed him to survive those difficult days.

But the turning point came, as it inevitably would.

It was an unusually cold day.

He had waited on set all day, only to be told belatedly that his tiny role with a single line had been cut.

Dragging his exhausted body onto an intercity bus, Gyeol wiped away his tears.

He dozed off, and when he woke, he was in Seoul.

The moment he got off the bus and stepped inside the terminal, an electronic billboard blazing with bright light seized his gaze all at once.

“...Jun Shin?”

He startled himself with the name he had murmured without thinking.

At the center of the billboard, Jun Shin was smiling brilliantly.

[ Congratulations on Moving’s successful start ]

Moving.

It was an unfamiliar name.

Or perhaps it was only unfamiliar to Gyeol Go.

After quitting the idol life that had left him with nothing but wounds, he had deliberately turned his eyes away from the music industry.

The faces of the five-member boy group were all unfamiliar too.

And among those utterly unfamiliar people was Jun Shin.

Someone who had once always stayed at his side.

Just then, snow began to fall.

Standing in the snow, Gyeol stared blankly up at the billboard.

White breath scattered before his eyes.

Jun Shin’s face blurred.

As Gyeol wiped away his tears, he suddenly felt a terrible cold.

It was the result of spending all day waiting in a corner of an outdoor set where not a single ray of sunlight reached, relying on a thin, worn-out padded jacket.

His toes cramped, and chill sank through his entire body.

The cold he had failed to notice until then attacked him with brutal clarity.

In that heart-freezing cold, Gyeol realized it.

The person who had crossed winter to come hold onto him was gone.

The young love that had wrapped around him with an entire body and not even a coat suddenly felt like a lie.

Maybe he had been the only one clinging to a relationship that had ended long ago.

It was the foolish recklessness of their ignorant youth, a pathetic lingering attachment.

After staring for a long time at Jun Shin inside that dazzling billboard, Gyeol finally moved.

Only then did the waiting end.

“I forgot you.”

Sobs tightened around Gyeol’s throat.

He clenched his fist, then forced strength into his wrist and pulled himself free from Jun Shin’s grip.

Afraid his voice might shake, he drove the wedge in with rigid force.

“I forgot you a long time ago.”

It would be a lie to say there were no lingering feelings.

Jun Shin was Gyeol Go’s first love, and the only person he had ever dated.

He had liked him so much.

So much that, aside from him, Gyeol could not dare claim he had ever felt “love” for anyone beyond simple affection.

But eight years was not a short time.

So much had happened to Gyeol during those years.

He had failed, tried to rise again, ended up with Yuli, struggled desperately just to protect one small child, and finally reached R-Connect.

“So get yourself together, Jun Shin.”

Gyeol was not stupid enough to trade this chance—one that might never come again—for a love already gone.

“No matter what you tell me, my mind won’t change. Honestly, you acting like this is....”

He barely forced out the words lodged in his throat like thorns.

“It’s burdensome. Very.”

“.......”

“I wish you wouldn’t do this.”

By the time he finished speaking, even the tears that had briefly gathered in his eyes had dried.

When he shifted his gaze to catch his breath for a moment, Gyeol spotted a camera in the distant grass leading from the beach back inland, pointed at the two of them.

Had it picked up their conversation?

He was worried, but the distance was far, and the sound of the waves was fierce, so the chances seemed low.

The image itself, however, was likely to look strange.

Gyeol let out a light breath, then turned and held out his hand.

Then he smiled at Jun Shin and said quietly,

“Stand up naturally and smile. The camera’s filming.”

The pupils of Jun Shin’s eyes trembled violently as he looked at Gyeol’s face.

He seemed to be in a state of panic.

Gyeol bit his lower lip and released it, then whispered as though pleading.

“...Hurry. Jun.”

Praying desperately that it would not sound tender, he whispered Jun’s name the way he had called him eight years ago.

Fortunately, it worked.

Jun Shin lowered his gaze and gathered his emotions, then took Gyeol’s hand.

As Gyeol pulled him up with some force, Jun even skillfully wet his fingers with seawater and lightly rubbed at his eyes.

The sunlight was glaringly bright.

Gyeol worried the dried seawater would sting, but he decided it was none of his business and kept his mouth shut.

He could understand Jun Shin’s intention well enough too.

It was probably because his eyes were red from crying.

“Gyeol! Jun!”

Gyeol’s shoulders trembled faintly at the sudden call.

Even with his back turned and unable to see the person’s face, he knew who it was.

There was only one person who would call him that.

Isu Yoon.

Gyeol’s heart pounded hard, as though he had been caught doing something wrong.

Jun Shin tapped Gyeol’s shoulder twice, then passed him first and headed toward the beach.

His face was covered in a bright smile, as though he had never cried at all.

“Isu.”

Jun Shin’s voice as he waved broadly was even cheerful.

Maybe the experience he had built in the entertainment industry really had not gone anywhere.

Relieved by how Jun Shin could switch into brightness as easily as flipping his palm, Gyeol let himself breathe.

Because Jun Shin bought him time first, Gyeol was able to keep his back to the two of them for a moment and settle his startled heart.

“Did you two fall into the ocean?”

“Yes, yes! Somehow!”

Think of it as acting and behave naturally.

After taking a deep breath, Gyeol put a smile on his lips too.

When he turned around, as expected, Isu Yoon was crossing the beach.

He probably had not come looking for Gyeol.

He must be here to ask Jun Shin for a conversation.

Because Gyeol was several steps behind, Jun Shin and Isu Yoon came into view at once.

A faint ache spread through one corner of his chest.

Gyeol clenched his fists and moved forward, forcing strength into his legs so he would not be swept over by the waves.

In his head, he repeated several thoughts.

Do not project remnants of the past onto the present.

The emotions that stirred whenever he dealt with Jun Shin did not represent how he felt now.

Jun Shin was someone he had once loved deeply.

It would be stranger if Gyeol could cut those feelings away as cleanly as slicing through a radish and feel nothing at all.

“I came to ask Jun for a conversation....”

“Sure. Then can I take a quick shower first? Because of the seawater.”

“Ah, yes. Of course!”

Before he knew it, Jun Shin had stepped out to the edge where the waves no longer reached, and Isu Yoon had drawn close enough to face him.

Under the blazing sun beating down on his head, Gyeol felt nauseous.

When he finally forced strength into his legs and stepped up onto the wet sand where his feet sank deep, Jun Shin looked back.

Gyeol saw his hand twitch reflexively, as though he were about to catch him.

“You two have a good talk. I should wash up too.”

Gyeol drew a line with his words, as if stopping that hand.

Jun Shin froze briefly, then curled his hand into a fist.

Gyeol gave the two of them a silent nod and walked past.

***

Gyeol stood under cold water for a long time with the shower running.

Even though it was high summer, eventually a chill spread through his entire body.

Only after he had roughly washed his emotions and thoughts down the drain did he finish showering.

The hair and makeup he had carefully done that morning had all gone to waste.

Gyeol stared blankly at his pale face in the mirror, then let out a short sigh.

Unable to steady his heart, which felt on the verge of collapsing, he turned on his phone.

A crooked animal drawing appeared on the wallpaper.

At a glance, it was clearly the work of a small child.

A rabbit and a chick.

It was a drawing Yuli had brought home from daycare.

“This is Daddy. And this is Yuli.”

“Daddy’s a rabbit? Why?”

“Rabbit. Pretty face.”

He could still vividly see the little hands patting the drawing and the shy, beaming smile.

Longing surged up.

So strongly that the area around his chest ached.

I miss you so much I could die.

In the photo album he had locked with an extra password, there were countless pictures of him with Yuli.

But Gyeol could not even set those precious photos as his wallpaper.

If someone saw the photos and learned of Yuli’s existence, or asked whose child she was, it would be trouble.

No matter how careful he was, humans made mistakes.

He could pass her off as his niece, but because that was true, it was actually a poor excuse.

The agitation that might show unintentionally was also a problem.

A flicker in his eyes, a slight parting of his lips.

Tiny nonverbal behaviors sometimes revealed far too much.

Gyeol did not want to take any risk related to Yuli.

“Haa....”

After flipping through several photos in the album, Gyeol stopped on a selfie he had taken with Yuli.

Their round eyes and the shape of their smiling mouths looked very much alike.

As he quietly looked at it, he felt somehow comforted.

“...Anyone would know we’re family, right? Yeah.”

A faint smile rose on his face as he answered his own question.

He was slowly looking through the photos again when a voice came from outside the bathroom door.

“Um, is anyone here?”

Startled, Gyeol quickly turned off his phone first.

“Is no one here?”

Hearing the voice twice, he could tell who it belonged to.

He was dressed, but he had not dried his hair yet....

After hesitating for a moment, Gyeol decided it was probably fine, threw a towel over his head, and opened the bathroom door.

“Tommy?”

“Hrk.”

Tommy, who had been peeking around the narrow living room, jumped in surprise and sucked in a breath.

“Oh—huh, you were washing up! I’m sorry.”

Seeing Gyeol’s pale, damp face and wet hair, Tommy’s face flared red.

The way he rapidly backed away made it look as though he might flee at any second.

Gyeol let out a small laugh.

“Why are you running away?”

“No, you’re wet....”

“What about me being wet?”

Feeling mischievous, Gyeol tossed the question out lightly, and Tommy turned into a fully roasted Potato.

“I wasn’t thinking anything weird!”

Then, after blurting out that extremely suspicious confession, he hurriedly turned around.

Gyeol quickly chased after Tommy as he tried to escape and caught him by the wrist.

“I’m kidding. Just kidding. Sorry. You came to talk, right?”

“Ah, uh. It doesn’t have to be now....”

Completely malfunctioning, Tommy stammered as he rattled the front door handle.

Unfortunately, the door did not open.

Of course it did not.

The dorm door was built so it would only open after pressing the unlock button.

“Tommy. You didn’t press the unlock button.”

“Ah, huh! You’re right!”

“I can’t believe this. Why are you so flustered?”

“No, um. I’m sorry...!”

The way he panicked so innocently, as though he had done something terrible, was truly adorable.

Gyeol kept laughing despite himself, as if his defenses had been disarmed.

He reached out, pressed the door lock’s unlock button, pushed the door open, and gently tugged Tommy back inside.

“It’s all fine, so stop apologizing. Let’s talk now. I wanted to talk to you too.”