Chapter 258: The Love I Never Knew

Yuuta stared at Elena, his lips slowly parting as disbelief replaced everything else.

"...Erza loved my eyes?"

The question escaped as little more than a whisper. Yuuta couldn’t understand why such a simple thing was affecting him this much, but after everything he had convinced himself of since last night, Elena’s words didn’t fit the version of Erza he had created inside his head.

Elena nodded enthusiastically.

"Yes! Mama loves Papa’s eyes sooo much!"

She stretched both of her little arms as wide as she could, apparently believing that was the best possible measurement for how much Erza loved them. The innocent gesture almost made Yuuta laugh, but his mind was already searching for an explanation.

Maybe Elena asked her recently.

That had to be it.

Perhaps sometime during the past few weeks, when Yuuta wasn’t around, Elena had asked Erza whose eyes she thought were prettier. Erza probably answered his name without thinking much about it, and Elena had simply remembered the conversation.

The explanation made enough sense for Yuuta to relax.

"I see..."

He gently rubbed Elena’s head.

"So when did Mama tell you this? Two days ago? or Three days ago?"

Elena stared at him with obvious confusion.

"Two days ago?"

Then she suddenly giggled as though Yuuta had asked something ridiculous.

"No, silly Papa. Mama told Elena when Elena was three years old."

Yuuta’s hand stopped on top of her head.

His smile remained for another second before slowly disappearing.

"...What?"

Elena didn’t notice anything strange about her answer. She simply nodded again, confirming it with the complete confidence of a child remembering something important.

"When Elena was three."

Yuuta stared at her.

His mind immediately rejected the answer.

That wasn’t possible.

He and Erza had only reunited a short time ago. Until then, Yuuta hadn’t even known Elena existed. He hadn’t known Erza was alive, hadn’t known he had a daughter, and certainly hadn’t been anywhere near either of them when Elena was three years old.

Yet Erza had apparently been telling Elena about his eyes years before their reunion.

How?

Yuuta’s thoughts raced as the explanation he had constructed moments earlier completely collapsed.

How could Erza tell Elena that my eyes were beautiful when Elena was three? We hadn’t even met again yet.

Yuuta tried desperately to find another explanation.

Maybe Elena was confused about her age. Children mixed up memories all the time. Perhaps she remembered something Erza had told her recently and simply believed it had happened years earlier.

That had to be it.

Yuuta forced a small smile.

"Princess... are you pranking Papa?"

Elena’s reaction was immediate.

Her cheeks puffed indignantly as she pulled away from his hand and crossed her tiny arms over her chest.

"Elena doesn’t like when someone calls Elena a liar."

Her little wings twitched behind her in annoyance.

Yuuta blinked.

"I’m not calling you a liar. I’m just saying it doesn’t make...."

He stopped.

Something suddenly surfaced inside his mind.

A memory.

Not from years ago.

From the first day he met Elena.

Yuuta had been so overwhelmed by everything happening back then that he had never properly questioned one strange detail. He remembered Elena looking at him for the first time, remembered those crimson eyes widening with recognition, and most importantly, he remembered how naturally one word had left her mouth.

Papa.

Yuuta’s expression slowly changed.

There had been no hesitation.

No confusion.

No frightened little girl wondering who the strange human standing before her mother was.

Elena had called him Papa as though the word already belonged to him.

Yuuta had never questioned it because everything surrounding their reunion had been too overwhelming. He had simply assumed Erza had somehow explained who he was shortly before they met.

But now...

Yuuta slowly lowered his hand from Elena’s head.

Wait.

If Erza had been telling Elena about his eyes when she was only three years old...

Then Elena had known about him long before they ever met.

His heartbeat began accelerating.

Yuuta looked directly into Elena’s innocent crimson eyes as another uncomfortable realization formed inside his mind.

Erza told her about me.

Not recently.

Not after returning to Earth.

Years ago.

Yuuta’s eyes widened.

"...Elena."

The little girl tilted her head.

"Hm?"

Yuuta swallowed as the question that should have occurred to him the very first day they met finally entered his mind.

"...How did you already know I was your papa?"

Elena blinked before strangely looking around the yard. She glanced toward the apartment, then toward the nearby trees as though making absolutely certain a certain silver-haired dragon wasn’t secretly listening. Once satisfied, Elena moved closer and covered the side of her mouth with one tiny hand.

"Papa... don’t tell Mama, okay? Mama told Elena about Papa."

Yuuta’s eyebrows slowly rose. For several seconds he wondered whether he had misunderstood her, because that answer only created an even bigger problem than the original question.

"She told you about me?"

"Mhm!" Elena nodded happily. "Mama told Elena lots of things about Papa. Mama secretly loves Papa a lot!"

"...Loves me a lot?"

"Yes! This much!"

Elena stretched both arms as far apart as possible, almost losing her balance while attempting to demonstrate the apparently enormous quantity of Erza’s love.

Normally Yuuta would have laughed at the ridiculous gesture, but this time he couldn’t. His attention remained completely fixed on Elena as she innocently continued revealing things he had never known.

"Mama always talked about Papa. She told Elena that Papa has black hair and red eyes, and Mama said Papa was fierce too! Mama always said Papa’s red eyes were really, really beautiful."

Yuuta’s throat became dry. The same question immediately returned stronger than before, because Elena hadn’t merely known that she had a father somewhere

she had apparently known what he looked like.

Yuuta could understand Erza telling Elena stories about him, but there was no possible way a three-year-old Elena should have been able to recognize someone she had never seen.

"But how did you know, Elena? How did you know my hair was black or that my eyes were red? Your mama could have described me, but how did you recognize me immediately when we first met?"

Elena’s confusion disappeared instantly, replaced by a bright smile as though Yuuta had just asked the easiest question imaginable.

"Because Mama made a painting of Papa!"

Yuuta’s breath caught. His crimson eyes remained fixed on Elena while his mind took several seconds to properly process those words.

"...A painting? Of me?"

"Yes! A really, really big one!"

She stretched both arms as wide as she possibly could, nearly losing her balance in the process.

"Mama painted Papa because she missed Papa so much. Mama made it from her memory, and Mama made Papa’s eyes really pretty."

Yuuta’s lips parted.

No words came out.

For several seconds, he could only stare at Elena while his mind desperately attempted to decide whether what he was hearing was even possible.

"...Erza did that?"

"Mhm. Mama loves Papa’s painting very much." Elena grabbed the bottom of Yuuta’s shirt as she continued.

"Mama always goes to the treasure vault at night. Sometimes Elena went looking for Mama and found her sitting there in front of Papa’s painting for hours. Mama doesn’t even do anything. She just sits there and looks at Papa."

Yuuta slowly looked down at his trembling hands.

All this time, he had convinced himself that Erza’s feelings must have begun after their reunion. Even this morning, he had desperately tried to explain her love as some strange dragon instinct born from having Elena together.

He had told himself that Erza only believed she loved him because she didn’t understand human emotions properly.

But Elena’s innocent words were tearing that explanation apart.

Erza had loved him even when he wasn’t there. There had been nobody for her to control, nobody for her to possess, and nobody whose memories she could erase.

For years, Yuuta hadn’t even been within her reach, yet she had still missed him enough to remember his face, paint him from memory, and tell their daughter about him.

Yuuta’s chest began to ache as everything Elena had revealed slowly settled inside him. His eyes remained lowered for several seconds before another realization finally reached him.

His voice cracked slightly.

"...So does that mean you knew me before we met?"

Elena nodded, her little crimson eyes glimmering as she looked at him.

"Yes. Mama always took Elena with her. Mama showed Elena Papa and said you were Elena’s Papa." Her expression softened as she remembered.

"Mama always said that one day we would be together again... and then Mama, Papa, and Elena would live happily."

Yuuta bit his lip as his already blurred vision became worse.

He didn’t know what to say anymore. Every answer Elena gave him seemed to reveal another part of Erza he had never known existed.

She had carried that hope for so long, waiting for a future where the three of them could finally be together.

Erza...

Yuuta lowered his eyes. That cold and stubborn woman had always been terrible at showing what she felt, which had made it so easy for him to misunderstand her. Yet now, hearing everything from Elena, Yuuta was beginning to wonder just how much Erza had kept buried inside herself all these years.

Elena suddenly burrowed closer against his chest before puffing her cheeks.

"But Papa is so mean."

Yuuta slowly looked down at her. His mind was still occupied with everything she had told him, so it took him a moment to process her complaint.

"...Papa is mean? Why?"

Elena immediately frowned at him.

"Because Mama and Elena always waited for Papa, but Papa never came! Mama waited and waited, and Elena waited too, but Papa never showed up."

Yuuta’s expression slowly changed as the anger in Elena’s little voice faded into something much sadder.

"Mama was always lonely," Elena mumbled. "Elena was angry because Papa never came."

Yuuta’s throat tightened.

"...Lonely?"

Elena nodded before resting her head against his chest again.

"Mama feels lonely a lot. Elena always sees Mama standing alone near the window and looking at the sky whenever Mama feels sad."

Yuuta remained silent, listening carefully.

Then Elena added something that made his entire body stiffen.

"Sometimes Mama holds Papa’s clothes too."

Yuuta froze.

"...My clothes?"

For several seconds, he simply stared at Elena, unable to understand what she meant. Why would Erza have his clothes? He couldn’t remember ever giving her anything like that.

Then an old memory suddenly surfaced.

Yuuta’s crimson eyes widened.

That night.

The night he and Erza had slept together.

Back then, Yuuta had believed everything that happened might have been some strange dream. But when he woke the next morning, there had always been one detail he couldn’t explain.

He had been completely bare.

And his clothes were gone.

Yuuta remembered searching his room again and again. He had gone through his cupboard, checked everywhere he could think of and had even asked Sister Mary whether she had seen his missing clothes. Nothing ever turned up, and eventually Yuuta had simply convinced himself that he must have misplaced them somehow.

But now...

Yuuta finally understood.

He hadn’t lost them.

He had left them behind on Erza’s bed.

And she had kept them.

Yuuta’s eyes slowly lowered as his chest tightened painfully. All these years, Erza had held onto those clothes as though they were something precious. Whenever loneliness became too much, she would stand beside the window with something that once belonged to him held against her body, quietly staring toward the distant sky.

And here he was...

Foolishly believing she didn’t know how to love.

For several seconds, Yuuta remained completely still beneath the tree. The peaceful sounds of the apartment yard continued around him, but they gradually became distant as his mind returned to the previous night.

His eyes began to water.

Yuuta blinked quickly and lowered his head, trying to stop the tears before Elena noticed them. But the more he tried to control himself, the more memories returned.

Erza standing in front of him.

Her trembling hands.

The tears running down her cheeks.

And his own voice.

Your love is nothing but a beast’s love.

Yuuta’s lips trembled.

Until now, he had been thinking almost entirely about the argument itself. He had remembered Erza erasing his memories, refusing to answer him and trying to erase them again. Those things had made his anger feel justified, and perhaps some of it had been.

But now he was remembering what he had done.

He hadn’t stopped at telling Erza she was wrong.

He had attacked her feelings.

He had taken the love she was desperately trying to express and called it obsession. He had told her that she was incapable of understanding him. He had looked at a woman who had apparently waited for him for years and told her that she had only been pretending to love him.

Yuuta’s vision blurred completely.

"Papa?"

Elena’s voice immediately brought him back.

Yuuta quickly turned his face away. He wiped beneath his eyes before looking at his daughter, but there was no hiding the redness anymore. Elena was already staring at him with the same worried expression she had shown earlier.

Yuuta forced himself to smile.

"Elena... can you play over there for a little while?"

Elena tilted her head.

"Without Papa?"

"Just for a few minutes, Princess." His voice nearly broke, forcing him to pause before continuing. "Papa just... needs to sit here for a little bit."

Elena stared at him suspiciously. She clearly knew something was wrong, but after a few seconds, she slowly nodded.

"Okay..."

Yuuta gently stroked her hair.

"Good girl."

Elena reluctantly walked toward the flowers again, occasionally looking over her shoulder as though making sure her father was still there. Yuuta maintained his smile every time she looked back.

Only when Elena finally became distracted by the butterflies did his smile disappear.

Yuuta lowered his head.

The first tear struck the grass between his feet.

Then another followed.

His breathing became uneven as he pressed his lips together, desperately trying to remain quiet. But the pain inside his chest had already become unbearable.

"...What did I do?"

The whisper escaped before he could stop it.

Yuuta stared at the ground through blurred eyes.

Last night’s argument returned piece by piece.

I love you.

He remembered how Erza had said it.

Not arrogantly.

Not like the Dragon Queen who always believed everything should obey her.

She had been crying.

Please, Yuuta. I love you.

She had begged him to understand.

And what had he given her in return?

That’s not love, Erza.

Yuuta clenched his eyes shut.

Your love is nothing but a beast’s love.

His breathing caught painfully.

Then came the sentence he now wished he could tear out of his own memories.

I was expecting human love from a beast who was never human in the first place.

Yuuta suddenly struck himself across the face.

"Fool..."

The slap wasn’t enough to silence his thoughts.

His hand struck his cheek again.

"You fucking fool..."

Yuuta raised his hand a third time, but his fingers stopped halfway.

He couldn’t do it anymore.

Both hands instead covered his face as Yuuta curled forward beneath the tree. His shoulders began trembling, and the tears he had been trying so desperately to suppress finally came without restraint.

"I’m so stupid..."

His voice cracked between his palms.

"So fucking stupid..."

Now he understood why Erza had broken.

That woman had carried his memory for years.

She had painted him because she missed him. She had spoken about him to Elena so often that their daughter had recognized her father immediately. She had kept his old clothes all this time, holding them whenever loneliness became unbearable.

Erza had apparently spent years believing that someday she would find him again.

And when she finally did...

Yuuta told her none of it was love.

He had reduced years of longing to obsession.

He had reduced her feelings to animal instinct.

He had called her a beast.

Yuuta pressed his palms harder against his face as another broken sob escaped him.

"Erza..."

For the first time, saying her name hurt.

"I’m sorry."

There was nobody there to hear him.

That somehow made it worse.

"I’m sorry..."

Yuuta shook his head as tears continued falling.

"I didn’t know."

His fingers slowly slid down his face.

"I didn’t know you waited for me."

His voice became weaker.

"I didn’t know you missed me that much..."

Yuuta stared at the grass.

"I didn’t know anything about you."

That realization hurt differently.

Last night, Yuuta had accused Erza of never trying to understand him, yet perhaps he had done exactly the same thing. He had judged everything she felt based only on what he could see. Because Erza didn’t express affection normally, Yuuta had assumed there wasn’t anything deeper beneath it.

And when she hurt him...

He had used that assumption as a weapon against her.

Yuuta remained beneath the tree for a long time.

He cried until his eyes hurt and there was almost nothing left to release. The morning continued around him regardless. People came and went from the apartment building, distant vehicles moved through the streets, and the leaves above him shifted gently whenever the wind passed through them.

Eventually, Yuuta’s breathing became calmer.

He wiped his face with the sleeve of his shirt and stared quietly toward the ground.

His anger hadn’t completely disappeared.

Erza had still erased his memories. She had still hidden things about his own existence from him, and Yuuta couldn’t simply pretend those things didn’t matter.

But neither could he use them to justify everything he had said.

Erza had made mistakes.

And so had he.

Yuuta slowly raised his head toward the sky.

He remembered watching Erza fly away last night.

Then he remembered what he had screamed after her.

I hate you too!

His expression twisted.

I wish you never came back!

"...Fuck."

Yuuta covered his eyes again.

Of all the things he could have said...

Those had been the last words he gave her.

A woman who had apparently spent years waiting to see him again had finally returned to him, only for Yuuta to scream that he wished she never had.

Yuuta remained silent for several more moments.

Yuuta pushed himself away from the tree and stood.

He didn’t care whether Erza was still furious with him. He didn’t care if she slapped him again, refused to speak to him or told him to leave her alone. After what he had said, Yuuta knew he couldn’t expect forgiveness simply because he regretted it now.

But he had to apologize.

Properly.

Yuuta wiped the remaining tears from his cheeks before looking toward the distant sky.

"I’ll find you, Erza."

His fingers slowly tightened.

"And no matter how angry you are... I’ll make this right."

To be Contiuned...