Chapter 160 - ONE HUNDRED AND SIXTY

Chapter 160: Chapter ONE HUNDRED AND SIXTY

ANGEL

I went very still. "Is that the reason you don’t sleep well? You’re afraid I’ll kill you?"

I’d learned by now that he didn’t sleep well.

I noticed because I woke one night to find him staring at the ceiling, his body rigid beside me, his eyes fixed on nothing. Guarding against ghosts I couldn’t see.

He grinned, shaking his head. "No, that’s not because of you. I told you, remember? I don’t mind dying, if you’re the one holding the knife. I’d thank you for it. I’d kiss your hands while they were still wet with my blood."

I swallowed hard. "You’re insane."

"Absolutely." He shrugged nonchalantly, like we were not discussing his fantasies about me murdering him. "My grandfather used to say I had a demon riding my back. Something that wouldn’t let me rest. It also wouldn’t let me stop thinking, or preparing for the next threat."

"That sounds exhausting."

"It is." His eyes lingered on my face and his expression softened. Almost vulnerably. "It was, anyway. Before you."

"Before me?"

"When you’re here—" He reached out to trace my face, his touch feather-light. "When I can feel you breathing next to me, and know you’re safe and mine... the demon goes quiet. I don’t know how to explain it. You just silence everything. All the noise in my head, all the paranoia. You make it stop."

"So I’m basically a human Xanax."

He laughed again, the sound rumbling through his chest. "Something like that. Should I start paying you by the hour?"

"The orgasms are payment enough."

"Generous."

"Then why don’t you sleep?" I asked, turning serious once more.

"Hmm, I’ve just been thinking about the blueprint I’m working on." His fingers traced absent patterns on my skin. "I told you, it has nothing to do with you."

"Liar."

His eyes flickered back to mine. Caught. "Maybe."

I took his hand and pressed it against my chest so he could feel my heartbeat.

"Then I’ll stay right here, so you can sleep tonight. And every night after."

His breath caught, his pupils dilating in the darkness. "I don’t deserve you," he whispered.

"Probably not."

He chuckled, and pulled me closer, burying his face in my hair like he wanted to disappear into me.

"I love you," he murmured against me, his breath warm on my scalp. "I know I say it too much. I know it probably sounds meaningless by now. But I can’t help it. Every time I look at you, the words just want to come out."

"It doesn’t sound meaningless."

"No?"

"No." I pressed a kiss to his jaw, felt his stubble scratch against my lips, and him shivering at the contact. "Say it as much as you want. I’m not going anywhere."

His arms tightened around me, I felt some of the tension leave his body, his muscles unknotting one by one.

"Just stay with me, Angel. That’s all I’ll ever ask."

"I will. With you, and our baby." I reached for his hand, guided it to my belly.

The baby kicked against his palm.

Damien flinched. Even in the dim light, I felt him suddenly grow tense, his whole body going rigid like he’d been struck.

"What’s wrong? Are you okay? Is it the baby—"

"Nothing’s wrong." He said it too quickly, the words tumbling out in a rush.

His hand stayed on my belly but his touch had changed—lighter now, almost reluctant.

I watched his face. He looked... anxious? Something flickered behind his eyes that I couldn’t quite read. It almost looked like guilt.

"He’s strong," he said quietly, his voice a bit strange. Distant.

"He?"

"Just a feeling."

"What’s wrong?" I asked again, refusing to let it go. I was certain that something was bothering him.

"Nothing."

"Damien." I put my hand over his, pressed down so he couldn’t pull away. "I know when you’re lying now. What’s wrong?"

A long pause followed. His jaw worked like he was struggling to say the words, fighting some internal war.

"I’m scared," he said quietly.

"Scared of what?"

"Of you leaving." He stared at me, his grey eyes stripped bare. "That one day, this moment will turn out to be a dream. I’m afraid of loving something so completely that it destroys me when I inevitably fuck it up." His hand trembled slightly against my belly. "I don’t want to become the thing my mother had to kill."

I studied his face. The terror he was trying so hard to hide beneath his usual mask.

I understood him at this moment. Or so I thought. I couldn’t have been more mistaken in thinking that the reason for his anxiety was because he was afraid of becoming a new parent.

I couldn’t have been more stupid to think we could face our fears together.

"I love you," I whispered, pulling him down to kiss me. "I won’t kill you, Damien. I won’t be stabbing your blackened heart." I kissed him again, soft and sure, pouring everything I felt into the press of my lips. "I think I love you too much for that."

"Promise me." His eyes cut to mine, sharp and searching. "Promise me you won’t wake up one day and realize what I am and run."

"I promise."

"Even when I’m terrible? Even when the monster slips out?"

"Even then." I kissed the corner of his mouth. "You’re my monster. I’m keeping you."

A sound escaped him—something between a laugh and a groan.

"Fuck, I love you." He crushed me against him, his arms banding around me like iron.

I watched his face for a long moment when he finally loosened his grip. The sharp lines of his profile in the darkness. The grey eyes that held storms and a love so consuming it bordered on destruction.

He was beautiful. I could admit that now without the shame that used to accompany the thought.

I pressed a kiss to his shoulder.

He stirred. "Angel? What’s—"

I kissed his chest. Then lower. My hand slid down the ridges of his stomach, tracing each muscle, feeling them jump and tense beneath my touch.

He was hard within seconds—always ready for me—but he caught my wrist, stopping me.

"What are you doing?" His voice was deep with want.

"What does it feel like I’m doing?" I raised an eyebrow, giving him my sweetest smile. "I want to fuck you. You have me. Always. So let me remind you."

His grip tightened on my wrist. "Angel—"

"Shh." I pressed a finger to his lips with my free hand, felt them part slightly beneath my touch. "You’re always the one in charge, deciding when and where and how." I pulled my wrist free and pushed against his chest until he was lying completely flat, looking up at me with eyes that had gone dark and wide. "Tonight, you’re going to lie there and take what I give you. Understood?"