Chapter 101: Flow

I looked at her for a moment before answering, “Helen, I wasn’t planning to hide anything from either of you.” She raised an eyebrow. “That doesn’t answer my question, Chris. Do you honestly think Gwen will be happy when she finds out you’re interested in her mother too?” I didn’t answer immediately. I knew Gwen wouldn’t take it well, especially after what had happened yesterday, but I hadn’t thought much further than that. Seeing my hesitation, Helen shook her head. “That’s what I thought. You’re making decisions without considering what happens afterward.”

“Then why did you agree to come out with me today?” I asked. Helen’s expression changed slightly. She looked away, and her fingers tightened around the strap of her handbag. For a few seconds, I thought she wouldn’t answer, but then she said, “Because I wanted to.” She looked back at me before adding, “And that makes me just as responsible for this situation. I knew what you meant when you asked me that question in the office, Chris. I could’ve stopped you there, but I didn’t.”

I hadn’t expected her to admit that so directly. Helen started walking again, although she didn’t take my hand this time. I followed beside her as she continued, “But I’m the adult here, and Gwen is my daughter. She’s sixteen, you’re seventeen, and neither of you has even been in a proper relationship yet. I can’t simply ignore all of that because of what I might want.”

I considered her words before answering, “That’s partly why I told Gwen we should wait until we’re older.” Helen glanced at me. “Is it really, Chris? Or are you using your age as an excuse because you don’t want to give her an answer?” I thought about it for a moment before admitting, “Honestly, I’m not completely sure anymore. I thought waiting would give her time to understand me better, but yesterday made me realize something else.”

Helen slowed down slightly, waiting for me to continue. “When I imagined Gwen being with someone else, I realized I wouldn’t take it very well. I don’t know exactly how I’d react, but I know I wouldn’t like it.” I hesitated for a moment before adding, “And I feel the same way about you.” Helen stopped walking and turned toward me. Her expression had become considerably more serious. “Chris, are you seriously telling me you want both my daughter and me?” I nodded. “Yes.”

She stared at me for several seconds before letting out a sharp breath. “Unbelievable. You haven’t even given Gwen an answer, and you’re already telling me you don’t want either of us with someone else.” I was about to explain, but she continued, “What, Chris? Because you’ve saved our lives, you think that means Gwen and I belong to you now? Is that how you see us?” Her voice had become sharper, and I immediately shook my head. “No. I never thought either of you owed me for anything.”

“Then what exactly are you saying?” she demanded. I thought about it before answering, “That I want both of you for myself. I know it’s selfish, but I’m not going to pretend I feel differently.” Helen watched me for a moment before shaking her head. “Well, at least you’re being honest about how shameless you are.” She folded her arms before continuing, “But wanting something doesn’t mean you’re entitled to it, Chris. You can’t expect Gwen to wait for you indefinitely while you decide what you want. And you certainly can’t expect me to stand by and watch you hurt her.”

I couldn’t argue with that. Gwen had already made her feelings clear, while I was the one who hadn’t given her an answer. Helen seemed to be waiting for me to say something, so I finally nodded. “I understand. I won’t ask either of you to wait forever.” She studied my face for another moment before looking away. “Good. Because if you’re serious about any of this, you’ll eventually have to make decisions that might not go the way you want.”

With that, she started walking again, and I followed beside her. Neither of us spoke for a while. Helen kept her attention on the path ahead, and although we were walking close enough for our hands to touch, she made no attempt to hold mine again. I considered reaching for her hand myself but decided against it. She had every reason to be upset, and I didn’t think trying to act as though nothing had happened would help.

After a few minutes, Helen glanced toward me. “You know, Chris, I don’t enjoy having conversations like this with you.” I looked at her before answering, “I didn’t think you did.” She sighed. “Especially when Gwen is involved. I care about both of you, and sometimes that means telling you things you don’t want to hear.” I nodded, and she continued, “But don’t mistake me being angry for wanting to push you away. I meant what I told you earlier. I’m not going to abandon you because we disagree about something.”

I looked at her for a moment before answering, “Thank you, Helen.” She gave me a small nod, although the tension in her expression hadn’t completely disappeared. We continued walking until she noticed an ice cream stand farther down the path. She looked at it for a moment before turning toward me. “Come on. Let’s get something to eat.” I raised an eyebrow. “Ice cream?” She nodded. “Unless you’d prefer another lecture.” I immediately shook my head. “Ice cream sounds good.” That finally earned a faint smile from her.

I followed her to the stand, where she ordered two cones. When she returned, she handed me one with chocolate fudge ice cream while keeping the other for herself. Hers had three different flavors stacked together: vanilla, chocolate and strawberry. I looked between our cones before asking, “That much?” Helen glanced at hers. “What? I like all three.” I raised an eyebrow. “You couldn’t choose one?” She shook her head. “Why should I? I know what I want, and I’m not ashamed of it.”

I let out a soft laugh before looking down at my own cone. “I wish what I wanted was that simple.” Helen took a small bite of her ice cream before answering, “The difference is that ice cream doesn’t have feelings, Chris.” I looked at her, and she added, “And nobody gets hurt because I want three flavors.” I couldn’t help smiling slightly. “You really aren’t going to let me forget this, are you?” She gave me a look. “Not anytime soon.”

We continued walking until we found an empty bench near one of the paths. I sat beside her, and for a while, neither of us said anything. Helen ate her ice cream while watching the people passing nearby. Occasionally, she’d glance toward me, but whenever our eyes met, she returned her attention to the park. I could tell she was still thinking about our conversation, and I decided to let her have some time.

Eventually, she turned toward me. “Chris, there’s something I want you to understand.” I looked at her, and she continued, “Whatever happens from here, I’m not going to disappear from your life. I might get angry with you, and if you do something that hurts Gwen, you can expect me to be much stricter than I was today. But that doesn’t mean I’ll stop caring about you.” She reached over and briefly squeezed my hand before letting go again. I looked at her for a moment before answering, “I know. And I’m glad.”

We finished our ice cream, and after sitting quietly for a little longer, I decided to change the subject. “So what else have you planned for today?” Helen looked at me before answering, “Nothing.” I stared at her. “Nothing?” She shook her head. “Chris, I didn’t arrange an entire schedule. I wanted to get you out of the office for a few hours, and that’s it. The movie, coming here, even the ice cream—we’ve just been deciding as we go.”

I considered that before asking, “So you’re really just going with the flow?” Helen nodded. “Exactly. You should try it more often.” I looked around the park before admitting, “I guess it isn’t so bad.” She seemed satisfied with that answer and leaned back against the bench.

I watched her for a moment before remembering what she’d promised me earlier. After everything we’d discussed, I wasn’t entirely sure whether she still intended to answer my question. Still, I decided to ask. “Helen, about what you said earlier…” She turned toward me. “What about it?” I hesitated before continuing, “Are you still going to give me an answer?”

Helen studied me for several seconds before shaking her head. “You really don’t give up easily, do you?” I shrugged. “You did promise.” She looked away for a moment, and I noticed her fingers moving against the edge of her handbag. When she turned back toward me, she seemed to have made up her mind. “All right. Close your eyes.”

I raised an eyebrow. “Why?” She gave me a look. “Chris, just close them.” I considered asking another question but eventually did as she said. A moment later, I heard her voice again. “And lower your head a little. You’re too tall.” I leaned forward until my head was within her reach. Before I could ask what she was planning, I felt her hand touch the side of my head, followed by a brief warmth against my forehead. It took me a second to realize she’d kissed me.

When I opened my eyes, Helen was still sitting beside me. She withdrew her hand before saying, “You’ll have to wait until you’re eighteen before you can ask me on a proper date, Chris.” I stared at her for a moment before asking, “So that’s a no?” Helen shook her head. “No. If you still feel the same way when you’re eighteen, my answer will be yes.” She held my gaze before adding, “But I’m serious about the waiting part. And before anything happens, I expect you to be honest with Gwen.”

That surprised me. After how angry she’d been earlier, I hadn’t expected such a direct answer. Helen seemed to notice my reaction before continuing, “And I’m not saying you have to be single for that answer to remain yes. If you’re already in a relationship by then, that alone won’t change how I feel.” She looked down at her hands for a moment before adding, “But I won’t be your secret, Chris. Especially not from my daughter.”

I nodded slowly. “Okay.” Helen looked toward me again. “You can tell Gwen what I’ve said if you want. I’m not going to stop you. But when the time comes, I’ll speak to her myself too.” Her fingers tightened slightly around the strap of her handbag. “I don’t know how she’ll react, and I won’t pretend I’m not worried about it. But if this is something we eventually decide to pursue, she deserves to hear the truth from us.”

I looked at Helen for a moment, thinking about everything she’d said. She had spent a good part of our conversation scolding me for wanting both her and Gwen, yet she’d also admitted that she wasn’t innocent in all this. I knew she cared about me, but I hadn’t expected her to be so direct about what she wanted, especially after everything that had happened today.

Then another thought occurred to me. I turned toward her before asking, “By the way, were you jealous when I told you Gwen kissed me?”