Chapter 37 36. Deserving

When Tifse and Magli returned, they found Safraxi digging around in the rider’s closet, wearing one of her dresses, and pulling out a half dozen more that seemed to appeal to her. It struck a devastating blow to the rather squat fox’s ego that her dresses fit so well on Safraxi while she was shapeshifted to a child. “Oh, you look good in that one. You have the lacing done wrong, though. Come here.” Tifse gestured for the dragon to come closer.

Safraxi’s face was as bright as snow on a sunny day as the fox walked in. Even her stripes were consumed by the coldmark, only her arms, ankles, and tail still had the orange and black patterns visible. She charged at the fox and tackled her into a hug as soon as she saw her. “Miss Tifse can I keep this one? It’s so nice!”

“Heh, sure.” Tifse grunted in strain as the child collided with her and wrapped her into a vice-like embrace. “You do remember you have to go to dinner as a dragon, though, right?”

“I know…” The tigress pouted. “But I really wanted to try your clothes on! We can now!”

“It seemed like an easier way to keep her out of trouble to just let her try some.” Idami yawned from the corner. “Am I coming too?”

“You do look cute, Whiskers.” Magli leaned down to pat her head. “Glad you’re finally uh… being yourself.” She said nothing of the rather extravagant ocean-blue gown that Tifse had swindled the moose into wearing. Tifse had wanted to make a point of having her dress as effeminately as possible, and as presentable as possible for the dinner. The fox wanted no complications now of all times.

“Good, good.” Tifse let the dragon in her arms go. “I’ll do the talking for you. I’m your rider, so that’s what I’m for, right?”

“Yeah… I guess.” Safraxi shifted back into her dragon form. She exploded out to take suddenly almost half of the space in the room. Magli, who was still patting her head, was sent stumbling backwards. Her back collided against Tifse behind her and nearly fell over until the fox pushed her back up onto her feet. Safraxi didn’t even seem to notice the shock as she started nibbling and preening at her wing scales. “What’s for dinner? Oh! Oh! Do they have pirogi?”

“I um… I’ve never heard of them, so no. Magli, do you know what a pirogi is?” The fox glanced at the moose who had just nearly fallen over her.

“I uh- well-” Magli was staring at the dragon in front of her in shock. “Th-they’re… stuffed. Dumplings? I- um. I doubt they’d have them uh… this far. South.” She was stumbling over her words as they came out.

“They’re the best with mushroom and cheese!” The dragon licked her lips. “What are we having then? I’d be happy with a whole pig too.”

Ah. Shit. Tifse slapped her face with a paw. Magli didn’t know Safraxi was a fucking dragon now! “Um- uh- M-Magli you see, S-Safraxi…” How could she slip up this badly? She should be better than this. Tiamat had already chewed Safraxi out once for letting Clem know, and now they’d let another random person from outside of the mystery in on the secret on complete accident?

“Let’s goooooo I’m hungryyyyyy.” The dragon pranced in place with a whine.

“Alright, alright!” Tifse couldn’t help but release a nervous chuckle at the display. “Follow me. The dining hall isn’t far. Magli, we will explain after the dinner she’s not letting us wait.”

“Sure. Right.” Magli rubbed her face and stared in awe at her larger little sister. “Maybe you’re a better liar than I gave you credit for, Bontifur.”

The group of four sidled down into the dining hall. Idami seemed absolutely smitten with Safraxi like this, chatting and bumping horns with her as they made their away. “You are just too cute. Oh I know Amjazel would love to see you like this, even if you might not. Aheh.”

“No! I miss Mommy… I want to see her again.” The blue dragon sagged some at the thought. “I usually only ever got to meet her when I was sad though.”

Tifse’s heart ached at the words, and the flood of emotions coming through the bonded link. She would have to talk with the other Safraxis when they came back for that. Bringing Amjazel in again now could end disastrously.

“Oh I’m sure you’ll see her again soon.” Idami rubbed her horns against her niece’s. “Maybe you could send her letters. I’m sure she’d love that.”

“If the others let me…” ‘Whiskers’ sagged even further. “They don’t like her.”

“I don’t think that’s true.” Tifse stopped in front of her dragon as she led the party, and patted Safraxi’s bicep. “They like her, they just… need alone time from her sometimes. I can bring up the idea again when they’re back, okay?”

“Okay…” The dragon perked up again and began sniffing the air. “I smell food!” She skipped around and past Tifse to push the next set of doors open with her wing. Inside she found a grand banquet with cushions set all around. There were bowls of hummus, various breads, whole roast ducks, even a platter filled to the edges with a neatly butchered ox, broken down into each individual cut, with some bones mixed in for structure to create the impression of some sort of meaty building. Safraxi’s mouth watered at the sight.

There were already four people inside. Sel’Ifis, Tani, and two more that they didn’t expect.

Tifse’s father was one.

Emren was the other.

“Mom!” Safraxi charged the lynx straight on and tackle-headbutted her off of her cushion and onto the tile below, giddy with excitement. The rider was lucky to be wearing her armor to the meal, so the plates could catch Safraxi’s horns for her.

The lynx was deep in conversation with the man of the house when she was charged down, and somehow caught completely off guard. Her ears went completely flat for a moment as she stared up at the dragon on top of her before she recognized Safraxi. “Ar- Arxet? Did you just call me-”

“Hi Emren please let us talk to you outside in private before you talk to my father.” Tifse was already panicking at the introduction of two rogue elements to the meal. She knew she could deal with her sisters, but both her father and Emren being here at the same time might be more than she could handle on her own. “Father! I wasn’t expecting you back so soon. I’m honored that you’re back early for my visit.” She bowed down, nearly touching her head to the table as she did so.

“Tifse.” The curt reply was all she got. “I was meant to be back tomorrow, but, once again, your irresponsibility has required my trip to be cut short. Did you steal a boat from the Northern Reaches while their chieftain and I are in the middle of a trade dispute?” He hissed out the last few words, clenching a fist over his goblet. “Your rash actions know no bounds. Why, if I-”

He was interrupted by the sound of laughter. Safraxi was now licking Emren’s face, while having her completely pinned to the ground. The lynx was only giggling and relaxing as her daughter groomed her for the first time.

Tifse couldn’t stop herself from shaking as too many things were beginning to collide at once. Not even Safraxi’s joy at seeing Emren spilling through the link to her was enough. It only made her feel more conflicted and confused. Whatever plan she’d prepared had evaporated into thin air as soon as the two unexpected participants in the night’s events had arrived without her being notified.

“Hey, hey, s-stop. I need to-” Emren could barely get the words out with the assault on her face. Finally she mustered herself enough to gently bench press the dragon off of her and roll away. Everyone in the room seemed shocked by the feat of strength. Tifse had forgotten just how proportional the magical effects of a rider bond were to the dragon’s age. Would she be able to do that one day too? “Okay… Okay!” Emren began wiping her face off with a cloth napkin, it was aboslutely soaked through in dragon drool. “If you would please allow me, sir, I would like a chance to speak with my dragon’s daughter, and her rider before we start the meal.”

“I must politely refuse the latter request, rider. You and the dragon may speak, but I require a chance to confer with my child.” The man stood and glared down his nose at the fox.

Emren glanced to Tifse, who merely nodded, tail already tucked between her legs and her ears flat. “If you insist. But do not do anything that would endanger my apprentice.” The older woman seemed to catch on that the situation was less than ideal. “Come on, Arxet. Ohhh I can’t believe you called me Mom! I love you too, dear!”

Once they had stepped out into the hall she jumped up and threw her arms around the dragon’s neck. Her toes barely touched the ground as she hung there for a moment before finally releasing her grip and landing on her feet, a smile consuming her features. “So, I just got here. Tifse’s father and I ran into each other outside his palace, I told him I was on an official rider investigation, and that there was someone tracking Tifse to get to her dragon.”

“That er… would be me.” Magli coughed. “We’ve already made up though.”

“This is my big sister, Magli!” Safraxi shoved her head into Magli’s chest. The moose still seemed perturbed by the scrawny street kid she’d taught to steal almost a decade ago being a dragon now, but rubbed her snout anyway. “She took care of me us when we were younger!”

“Ah…” Emren tilted her head slightly at her daughter’s odd tone. “And you understand that her transformation is on a need to no basis? You cannot tell anyone else?”

“Yes ma’am.” Magli nodded as assertively as she could. “She and I had some old business that we needed to get sorted, is all.”

“That’s interesting.” Emren’s eyes narrowed. “Because when I spoke with some of the guards in Fellrock, they said you told them you were searching for Arxet at the behest a client. You’re a private investigator, aren’t you?”

Safraxi hissed at the name and shapeshifted back into her little tigress form. “Our name is Safraxi now! And… Magli, why didn’t you tell me that?”

“I-I was getting to it, Whiskers.” The moose was getting more and more nervous. “Just wanted to… talk to the same you that came into the cell earlier is all.”

Emren gawked at the shapeshifting in front of her. “Ar- Sorry, Safraxi, you can shapeshift already?”

“Uh-huh! We looked like a fox when you found us in that big city!” She turned back to the moose. “Who’s looking for me?”

“Okay, okay, one conversation at a time.” Emren waved her hands back and forth to clear her thoughts. “Okay, Safraxi. Beautiful name. I am very proud of you for learning shapeshifting so early. I am sorry you had to see Amjazel like that. But… you’re acting very strangely.”

“She has been since I got here.” Idami finally spoke up. “It’s why Tifse called for me. She’s been switching back and forth between a few different… versions? Of herself, but they’re also her I think.”

“Yeah!” Safraxi nodded. “You just met Raxi and Fraxi before! I’m Whiskers! Big sister named me! I named all of us except me.”

“Raxi and…” Emren seemed completely lost.

“Her shapeshifting.” Magli explained. “She takes a different form when she isn’t a dragon depending on who’s in control. I’ve… heard of and seen similar things before, in my time working with street kids. That kind of pain as a child can lead people to all sorts of strange habits they need to cope. They have to share the strain and stress with other people that are also them. Most people aren’t aware they do it, but I think her shapeshifting’s made it more obvious.” Magli bent down to rub on the kid’s head again. “Sometimes they get more childlike again. It’s usually harmless.”

“Usually…” Emren seemed to be becoming more and more uncertain. “I’m still not sure I trust you. You said you and her had some old business, but you also said you were being paid. So which is it? Personal or business? How do I know you’re not up to something? She seems plenty vulnerable right now. Normally I’d expect her to be paranoid enough to tell you to fuck off.”

“No! I trust her!” The dragon fumed. “I hurt her, not the other way around!”

“And what if she wants, payback, Safraxi?” Emren bent down to be on eye level, swapping to mental communication as she does. “I’ve met plenty of people who-”

“NO!” The tigress roared loud enough to deafen anyone within a few feet of her. “Magli is a friend! I may be little but- but I know what’s going on more than any of us!”

“S-Safraxi, I-” Emren stuttered, hands to her ears after the scream directly into her face.

The door creaked open. Sel’Ifis’s head leaned out into the corridor. “Is everything… well. Out. Here?” Her eyes rested on Safraxi, wearing one of Tifse’s dresses, and in the form of a tigress child. “We heard a yell.”

“Just fine.” Emren clapped her hands together and forced a smile. “We were jut having a private discussion.”

“Who is the child? We didn’t realize you had any other guests.” The heiress’s eyes narrowed at the tigress.

“She’s my daughter, Aizi!” Emren wrapped an arm around Whiskers and pulled her into a side-hug. “I’m not sure how your father didn’t notice her. I brought her along while I was conducting my investigation. Couldn’t find a nanny I trusted, hah.”

Safraxi barely held herself back from giggling when Emren used Rubis’s old name on her, before a pang of guilt hit for how her last meeting with her other sister had gone. She felt as if she didn’t deserve the name.

“Of course, Lady Rider.” Sel’Ifis opened the door further, but still seemed suspicious. “We are ready for your return when you are.”

Whatever guilt for Rubis that Whiskers was feeling was quickly forgotten as she saw her rider again. “Tifse!” Safraxi charged past the taller fox and into the dining hall again to pull her rider into a hug. “Are you okay? What did he say?” The dragon had been so distracted with her conversation with Emren she hadn’t been paying enough attention to her rider.

“I’ll be fine.” Tifse smiled. Safraxi could tell it was forced, though. The fox’s heart was pounding, her lip was sore where she chewed when she was nervous, and the sleeves of her robe still smelled of tears, even after she had used a spell to dry them. Tifse was trying to cover up the impact the discussion had on her. It wasn’t working.

“What did he say?” Safraxi’s eyes grew serious.

“Safraxi, I-” Her words were pleading, but uncertain.

“Did he threaten to lock you up again?” Hearing the mental voice of a child speaking in such a dire tone made Tifse shiver.

“I’ll tell you after, okay? Just eat. You said you were hungry before.” Tifse started piling up a plate for the dragon. “Try the shish barak. Maybe it’s similar enough to the pirogi you wanted.”

Safraxi didn’t like the sudden change in conversation, but complied. Even if she pouted about it a little. The shish barak was good, but it was nothing like… her stomach hurt at the though. Ylexi was the one who always made pirogi for her. Their manor had fewer and fewer staff as the winters got harsher and harsher in her last few years in Tiskin. Ylexi had begun cooking almost half of the meals for the family, rather than only ever cooking as a hobby before. Her mushroom and cheese pirogi were sorely missed.

“So, if this ‘Arxet’, is dead, I suppose you won’t be receiving a paycheck.” Sel’Ifis smirked at Magli from across the table as she sipped her wine. “You did say you were hired to search him out.”

“Indeed. Emren, didn’t you say that you were investigating someone else stalking this Arxet? Would that be…” Tifse’s father gestured vaguely at Magli. “You sounded concerned for this Arxet’s safety.”

“Yes, and Tifse’s dragon, Safraxi, did say she was the one to kill this Arxet.” Fel’Ifis pointed a finger to the roof as if she’d arrived at some sort of grand discovery. “What will this result in?”

Emren looked as if she’d put a foot in her mouth. “Ah. I see me showing up has complicated things. My bad.” She coughed and reaches for her napkin to wipe her chin before remember she’d used it to wipe dragon drool off her face. “Well, I’m not at liberty to discuss that. Beyond this point it will be an internal matter for the ministry.”

“Odd that Safraxi disappeared after you went out to the hall with her though.” Sel’Ifis pushed onward, despite Emren’s subtle rebuke. “Has she been arrested? Will my sister be without her bonded dragon so soon?”

“As I have said.” Emren cut into her ox steak, not bothering to look directly at the pestering noble. “It’s an internal affair, Safraxi will not be arrested. I would appreciate the topic be dropped.”

“Why did you have to tell them you killed your old self…” Tifse groaned as she sipped her wine. “They’re both just…”

“Trying to make you look like a bad rider, so they can be mean to you.” Safraxi fumed as she stuffed another dumpling in her mouth. Maybe they weren’t the same as Ylexi’s mushroom and cheese pirogi, but they were still yummy. “I can turn back to a dragon if-”

“No, no, not in front of anyone. It would raise more eyebrows if you left and came back too.” Tifse shook her head and helped the shapeshifted dragon to another serving. The dragon could really put food down. “Please none of the… crunching and eating bone tonight, too. I like when you do it, but it’ll scare them.”

Safraxi grumbled but kept following her rider’s instruction. Why was Tifse putting up with her dad? He seemed so mean, and like he hated her. What was there left for her? Whiskers gorged herself on a few more plates but quickly grew bored over the meaningless small talk that Emren and Tifse were forced to partake in. “May I be excused?”

Emren smiled quizzically at the tigress. “Well, if you’ve eaten your vegetables.” She chuckled. “I’ll need to arrange for the night in the temple. I suppose I’ll take her over and return.” She stood.

Tifse had to fight the urge to smack herself in the face. It would have been so much easier just to go to the temple with Safraxi like this. She was so bad at keeping secrets. “I ah… should go find Safraxi too. Since you… wanted to speak with her too. I will be back.” The fox took an excuse to stand as well.

Safraxi squinted at the back of her rider’s head. Tifse was hiding something from her again. “Are you going to tell me what’s going on?”

“I am, Safraxi. Just… let’s do it outside of the palace.” She took Whiskers hand and began leading them out of the room. “I’ll be back to let you know our decision, at least.” Tifse let her father know over her shoulder on her way out.

“What decision?” Safraxi was getting nervous. She hated the secrecy. Was Tifse abandoning her? She thought she had a plan to make Fraxi and Raxi accept the fox again. Had they already scared the fox off?

“Hey, no. None of that, okay?” Tifse stopped outside the door to cup her dragon’s fuzzy cheeks in her palms. “I’m not going anywhere, even if they try to leave me behind. We’ll talk in the temple.”

Whiskers could only nod as her lip quivered and her eyes began to water. Emren stepped out after the two of them and bent down for a hug with the little tigress. “Hey, hey, ssshhh. It’s okay.” She gently picked the dragon up and tucked her chin onto her shoulder. “It’s okay.” She began to hum a tune to Safraxi as she walked to the temple.

“You think Idami and Magli will be alright without us?” Tifse regretted leaving the dragon and moose. The dragon couldn’t communicate with anyone else in the room, and Magli was already turning out to be one of Sel’Ifis’s new punching bags.

“Idami’s a big girl, and I’m sure she’ll step in if they do anything too extreme. Now, what did your father say to you in there?” Emren made it just inside the doors to the temple and sat her daughter down on a bench in the front atrium. “Even I could tell it was bothering you. It’s no wonder Safraxi’s freaking out.”

Guilt and panicked flashed through Tifse’s face and across the connection to Safraxi. “My father… has… he’s finally threatened to disown me. Unless Safraxi and I become the new resident pair at the temple. Salifir has struggled to keep a consistent one for decades since Ulovis…”

“NO!” Safraxi had jumped down from the bench with her little fists clenched in rage. “That’s not fair! We- we-” Her whole form was quivering with rage. “Why don’t you see it! He’s mean! He’s a bad dad!”

“Safraxi, he’s my- you don’t understand… I-” Tifse put her face in her paws and sunk down onto the bench as well. “They’re my family. Coming here was a mistake…”

Emren was silent for a long moment, seeming to consider things. “Tifse… that’s not the kind of family you want.”

“What- but…” Tifse was finally allowing herself to break down. Everything was hitting her too hard and too fast. A few days prior, Safraxi had told her they wouldn’t be bonded anymore, and she had been forced to sit with that uncertainty or more than a day. Today she’d been subjected to some of the dragon’s deepest and most painful memories, and now her family was threatening to throw her out unless she did the one thing she knew the dragon would never agree to. Even if Safraxi agreed she knew she would be miserable here. Just her trying not to think about it earlier was enough to make poor Whiskers cry. It wasn’t fair to anyone. It especially wasn’t fair to her.

Emren bent down and wrapped an arm around the fox. “Hey, look. I know you and Safraxi got off to a bad start, and so did you and I, but I’m seeing something beautiful between you two now. I’m not sure what happened in the last week, but I’m seeing a level of care for each other between you two that matches Amjazel and I. If you want in, then you’re part of the family too, Tifse.”

“She’s right about that.” Both heads snapped toward the dragon. She was a rat again, now with both green eyes and her sharp teeth. “Even without… all that, we’ve got each other.” She yawned and poked the fox between the eyes and stood. “She and I need a minute in private... Mom.” The word felt incredibly forced, but... right. At the same time. Emren had come all the way out here to look out for Safraxi’s wellbeing, and... maybe she was also feeling some of Whisker’s fondness.

“You’ve got it.” Emren pulled her daughter into a hug again, before stepping back out onto the front steps of the temple.

“Alright, Pipsqueak...” Safraxi glanced back to her rider with apprehension. She’d royally fucked up, again, with her treatment of her rider since Idami’s arrival. She wasn’t sure how many more times she could get away with apologies. “I... I fucked up. I’ve been fucking up. For years. I see that now. I just... ever since... Arghold. I think I’ve just been pushing away one person after another when they start to care about me, and I care about them. I’m sorry, can we-”

“You don’t even have to ask.” Tifse jumped up into her dragon’s arms and rubbed her cheeks against Safraxi’s. “I missed you so fucking much in those three days. I shouldn’t have gone behind your back. I hope you can forgive me, too.”

“Already have, Pipsqueak.” Safraxi squeezed her tight. “I’m such a fuck up. I don’t deserve you.”

“None of that, now.” Tifse shook her head, tears finally streaming down her face as the stress of the last few days was relieved. “I don’t think anyone deserves anything. I think shit just happens, and people meet each other, or get revenge when they need.” She sniffled, and leaned back far enough to look into her dragon’s eyes. “Do you remember what you offered me, in that ditch in Mercani?”

“Getting revenge on your family? Yeah.” A grin began to cross the shapeshifted dragon’s face. “Are you saying...?”

“You’re going to help me fuck over my dad.”